The Right Responsibility
Hello everybody! Sean here to follow-up on our last Blog-Lesson and the concept of consent as well as our communication and understanding of it.
We agreed last time that consent involves: “…two equal partners in an objective situation communicating,…“
But, due to the relativity of concepts such as “equal” and “objective” in our daily lives, we have to be constantly aware of our own feelings and try to be considerate and ask our partners about their experiences in the world.
Our daily lives challenge stability and safety at every turn. Each day is full of events and interactions which can bring questions and concerns about our lives, our bodies, our feelings, and our existence. These are significant to our understanding and communicating consent.
„No“ is always acceptable, any time
In other words, simply said:
„No“ is always an acceptable response at any time in a healthy, happy, intimate adult (HHIA) relationship.
And, just to be clear: „Stop“ is „no“ in action or movement and must be acknowledged and responded to immediately.
Consent starts with our first introduction and interactions, and continues throughout our lives in relationship to other people.
Consent is also a synonym of permission and approval. With this in mind, we could say consent should be confident and maybe even enthusiastic.
If at any time you aren’t getting this vibe, you should probably take a minute or two and talk about what is going on with you and with your partner. What are you wanting to do together, at what speed, intensity and frequency. Clarity is a key to consent, trust and enthusiasm.
Yes, No, Maybe, Maybe Not
Understanding that “maybe not” or a hesitant maybe from your inner voice or your partner suggest an insecurity or sense of danger that can help us to build trust. This uncertainty is an opportunity to explore with each other through conversation and further communication.
Through definition or description you can find greater understanding and clarity about your desires and your partners requests. Your experiences as a pair and as individuals can teach us more about one another and help us feel safe together through dialogue.
Once you have gotten a confident and enthusiastic „Yes“, you can move forward with your partner with a closer connection than before.
Everything we have discussed is constantly changing and must be validated and confirmed with new experiences, changes in direction, speed or intention.
Communication is Key
Communication and consideration are keys to building trust, safety and intimacy in our (HHIA) Relationships.
Just as consent is an essential building block of intimacy, love and trust, consent is a constant variable in our lives.
By being aware of our feelings and thoughts about consent and communicating them, we can achieve greater understanding and respect for one another in a relationship.
In this way consent stabilizes and strengthens our bonds through time. Each intimate instance is based on this simple concept.
To reign this in
An enthusiastic „Yes“means yes
„Maybe“ means No, Not yet, maybe not ever
„Maybe not“ means No, Not now, not yet
„No“ means No
„Stop“ means No = Stop what you are doing! RIGHT NOW!
In other only the word „YES“ and preferably a happy, confident YES means YES = Keep going.
And Yes! That is all for now. Consider this and feel free to let me know your thoughts or ask me questions. I am Sean and I will be back next time to explore some more.