Gesunde glückliche intime Erwachsene Beziehung, Uncategorized

Gesunde, glückliche, intime GGIE-Beziehungen 15

LOVE MAPS (Landkarten der Liebe 1)

Photo by Anastasiia Rybalko on Scopio

Wie sind wir hierher gekommen?

Hey, ich bin zurück. Sean hier! Nachdem wir uns in der letzten Blog-Lektion mit dem Thema „Woher wir kommen“ beschäftigt haben. Dieses Mal werden wir uns „Wie wir hierher gekommen sind“ aus einer klinischen Perspektive (Lovemap) ansehen. Also eine andere Perspektive auf Anziehung, Begehren und Vorlieben. Die Ideen und Konzepte, die wir erforschen werden, füllen mehr als nur ein paar Bücher.

Das erste Buch, „Lovemaps“ von Dr. John Money, ist eine sehr detaillierte klinische Untersuchung des Konzepts der Lovemaps: „…ein idealisiertes und höchst idiosynkratisches Bild“. Mit anderen Worten, Lovemaps „…stellen Ihren idealisierten Liebhaber dar und das, was Sie als Paar zusammen in der idealisierten, romantischen, erotischen und sexualisierten Beziehung tun.“

Unsere Lovemaps können mit unseren Muttersprachen verglichen werden. Einerseits entwickeln sie sich natürlich und sind ganz individuell. Andererseits sind sie gespickt mit familiären, sozialen, kulturellen und umweltbedingten Einflüssen. „Eine Landkarte der Liebe existiert zunächst in mentalen Bildern, in Träumen und Fantasien, und wird dann vielleicht mit einem oder mehreren Partnern in die Tat umgesetzt.“

Es kann nichts schiefgehen. Das einzige, was passieren kann, ist, dass die Dinge einen anderen Verlauf nehmen als geplant.

Sarek, Stephan, °1957, Deutscher Schriftsteller
Photo by Nathan Miftode on Scopio

Biologie oder Umwelt

Die von Dr. Money zitierte klinische Forschung deutet darauf hin, dass unsere Lovemaps in utero beginnen, bevor wir geboren werden. Dies spiegelt sich in der Hormonforschung wider, die den Spiegel der drei „Sexualhormone“ Progesteron, Testosteron und Estradiol untersucht. 

Diese Hormone kommen sowohl in der männlichen als auch in der weiblichen Entwicklung vor. Jungen und Mädchen haben alle drei Hormone, nur in unterschiedlichen Mengen oder Verhältnissen.

Die Forschung legt nahe, dass unsere Vorlieben und unser Verhalten zumindest im ungeborenen Gehirn beeinflusst, wenn nicht sogar festgelegt werden. Die zitierten Studien beziehen sich auf Säugetiere, wobei Schafe und Affen erwähnt werden.

Die Männlichkeit und Weiblichkeit des Gehirns kann durch den Testosteron- und Östradiolspiegel beeinflusst werden. In diesem Sinne beginnt unsere Selbstwahrnehmung und unsere Anziehungskraft auf andere in unserem Gehirn im Mutterleib, noch bevor wir geboren werden.

Ein Beispiel dafür ist die Aufzeichnung einer männlichen Erektion durch ein Ultraschallbild. Bis heute haben wir keine Möglichkeit, die entsprechende Aktivität der vulvalen Vasokongestion (= Gefäßstau) in utero zu erfassen.

Nach der Geburt zeigen wir weiterhin solche Reaktionen, die wiederum bei Jungen leichter zu erkennen sind. Dies geschieht sowohl im Wachzustand als auch im Schlaf. Besonders häufig tritt es im REM-Schlaf auf, der mit dem Träumen verbunden ist.

Photo by yair daniel zarate segovia on Scopio

Null bis Fünf

Früher oder später im ersten Lebensjahr erkennen wir die sinnliche Natur unserer Genitalien als Reaktion auf Reiben, Drücken, Berühren und so weiter. Nach dieser Entdeckung beginnen Kinder im Alter von etwa drei oder vier Jahren, kokette Probespiele zu zeigen. Dabei orientieren sie sich meist an Vorbildern aus unserem sozialen Umfeld, auch aus dem Fernsehen und von Computerbildschirmen. Dieses Verhalten richtet sich oft an die Eltern oder ältere Kinder. 

Im Alter von etwa fünf Jahren, oder sogar noch früher im Kindergarten und in der Vorschule, haben wir eine größere Anzahl von Altersgenossen („agemates„). Dies ermöglicht es, dass aus Flirtspielchen Spielkameraden-Romanzen werden, oft Freund/Freundin-Spielkameraden-Romanzen.

Infolgedessen kann die Entwicklung unserer Liebeskarten sexuelles Spielpartnerverhalten wie Küssen, Doktorspiele oder andere intime Äußerungen beinhalten, je nach unseren Erfahrungen und unserem Umfeld. Ethnische und kulturelle Unterschiede können diese Verhaltensweisen ebenfalls beeinflussen.

„Spiel ist notwendig zur Führung eines menschlichen Lebens.“

Thomas von Aquin (1225-1274), italienischer, katholischer Theologe
Photo by Jenn O’Hara on Scopio

Acht ist genug

Im Alter von etwa acht Jahren können sich zwei Partner, die an sexuellen Probespielen teilnehmen, zu einer Art Liebesbeziehung verbinden. Und zu diesem Zeitpunkt scheinen Kinder das zu haben, was Dr. John Money eine „native lovemap“ nennt. Eine „native lovemap“ ist ein Korrelat zu einer Muttersprache, die sich auf natürliche Weise sowohl biologisch als auch umweltbedingt durch Erfahrung, Fähigkeiten und unseren Umwelteinfluss entwickelt. Kurz gesagt, unsere Liebeskarten, unsere angeborenen Liebeskarten sind im Alter von acht Jahren ausgereift.

Wie es weitergeht, ist Thema der nächsten Blog-Lektion. Ich hoffe, dies war interessant und informativ und gibt Ihnen etwas zum Nachdenken. Es wäre toll zu wissen, was Sie über das Konzept der Liebeskarten denken.

Das ist alles für den Moment!

Und meine Zeit ist um! Hier ist Sean! Passen Sie auf sich auf. Ich würde mich freuen, von Ihren Erfahrungen mit dem Körper und Ihren Gedanken dazu zu hören. Bis zum nächsten Mal.

Genießen Sie diese Woche, und genießen Sie Ihr Alter, Ihren Körper und Ihre Umwelt und schauen Sie, was passiert.

(Für konkretere Vorschläge, können Sie mich unter kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de kontaktieren).

Frühere Blog-Lektionen:

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Unsere früheren Blog-Lektionen (auf englisch):

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 65

Maintaining the Vibe

Allowing

Sean again! And, here we are continuing our exploration of ourselves, our motivations and our methods to achieve relationship, acceptance, and lust in our HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are pondering who we are and who we want to be with each other on our path towards luv, desire and gratitude.

True love brings up everything – you’re allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily.

Jennifer Aniston
Photo by Catherine Ekkelboom-White on Scopio

Giving Permission

When we look at and explore our wants, wishes and needs, we have the opportunity to better understand ourselves. This includes who we are, what we want and what we need in relationship with others.

On the one hand we are each individuals with unique interests, longings and aspirations. On the other hand we are all members of the same family and share similar fundamentals. To be healthy, we all need and crave:  

  • Food
  • Water
  • Air
  • Sleep
  • Shelter
  • Exercise
  • Physical Comfort
  • Intellectual Stimulation
  • Social Connection
  • Intimate Experiences
  • … All of these in an infinite variation.

Admittance

Starting with admitting and acknowledging our needs and desires, we learn to accept and express our interests and atractions. Through our expression and attempts to discover and achieve our intimate desires and fantasies, we experience a variety of responses. This interaction with both us and others intellectually, physically, emotionally and intimately, we learn to care, consider, share. At the same time, we also experience the boundaries of fantasy, reality, body and mind.

Frank and earnest examination and consideration of these aspects of our lives can inform our expressions and efforts to achieve our desires. Simply put, we begin to recognize and consider the attraction and interests of ours and of others in the world.

Photo by Karina Zamora on Scopio

Everything is a negotiation. Everything is a little bit of give and take.

Lamman Rucker

Give and Take

If, for example, I know myself and allow myself to experience and express my love of, desire for and attraction to anything or any one, I can learn to enjoy and share my thoughts and feelings with myself and cautiously with others.  

Sharing

Through respect, reflection and kindness, we can begin to share and learn from one another. Simultaneously, we begin to find commonality and uniqueness in bot ourselves and the others. These things can become the basis for rapport and relationships.

Acceptance

Most importantly, in relationship we are also able to:  

  • Better understand
  • Modify
  • Intensify
  • Reduce
  • Expand
  • Focus
  • Communicate
  • … Our hopes, needs and dreams.

Ultimately this exchange of mundane, intimate and confidential desires can increase our intimacy and bonding. This increases as long as we do it with consent and permission of all involved.

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.

Nathaniel Branden
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try allowing yourself (and those who are important to you) to just be this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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German Blog-lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 64

Maintaining the Vibe

Priorities

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Why are we here?

“Energy is what I believe all of us are. We’re just conscious awareness dancing for itself for no other reason but to stay amused.”

Jim Carrey

Sean here! And, we are continuing our study of communication and our journey towards rapport, closeness, and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are reflecting on who we are and who we want to be with each other on our voyage together towards love, desire and understanding.

And while we are on our way, it is good to think about where and with whom we are actually going:

  • Where are we heading?  
  • Where do we want to be?
  • Who are we?
  • Who is by our side?
  • How do we get what we want?
  • Who do we want to be?
  • How do we keep things fresh and interesting?
  • When is enough enough?
  • Are we having a good time?
  • Why are we doing what we are doing?
  • Are we happy?

All of these questions are constantly being asked and answered consciously and unconsciously. In our relationships we find a version of ourselves reflected in our partners eyes and referenced in their comments. At the same time they find themselves reflected in our eyes and referenced in our comments. 

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Wants & Needs

You don’t get what you want. You get what you are.

Wayne Dyer

It is important for us to look and listen to our partners and ourselves in our relationships. On the one hand we want to be sure that we are being fair and honest in our expressions. On the other hand we want to our partners to understand and appreciate us as we are. In other words, we have the responsibility to take the time and make the effort to allow our partners and ourselves to understand and appreciate:

  • Who we are
  • What we think
  • How we feel
  • What is important to us
  • Why we do what we do

We can communicate these things through both words and actions. Actually, more important than taking the time is making the time and being in the moment. This allows us and our partners to comprehend and communicate clearly without misunderstandings. Being present allows us to hear, listen and process the thoughts and feelings of our partners and ourselves simultaneously.

Here & Now

Do not wait for life. Do not long for it. Be aware, always and at every moment, that the miracle is in the here and now.

Marcel Proust

Simply put, being in the moment and prioritizing ourselves, our significant others and our relationships helps us to appreciate and sustain the precious gifts we share with one another.  

Time, effort, intimacy, understanding and focus are the rewards we receive from one another when we allow and offer them ourselves. HHIA relationships are where we have the opportunity to explore, share and grow together.   In this vein, we find both our others and ourselves in relationship.

Photo by Karina Zamora on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try prioritizing yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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German Blog-lessons:

123

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 63

Maintaining the Vibe

Romancing

Romance:

1) to exaggerate or invent detail or incident

2) to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas

3) to try to influence or curry favor with someone through flattery, personal attention and/or gifts

4) to carry on a “love affair”

paraphrased from Merriam Webster

Sean, back again! We are expanding our investigation of our exchanges and quest for connection, affection, and passion in our HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are considering who we are and who we want to be with each other on our journey towards love, lust and appreciation with one another.

Our relationships are more than just making date, hanging out, and fooling around. Actually, a big part of our time and effort in our relationships is, at least in the beginning, about creating a feeling, encouraging affection, comfort and attraction of/from our significant partners and love interests. ?

Photo by willow mcdonough on Scopio

A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.

Charlie Chaplin

Romance Recall

Most of us refer to or recall this as romance! On the one hand, the romantically challenged do their best not to miss romantic gestures completely or mistake them for humor, satire or sarcasm. On the other hand, the romantically gifted find flattery attention and gift giving to be an art and honor whether they are on the giving or receiving side of things at any given moment.  

However, most of us fall somewhere in between “challenged” and “gifted”. Put simply we find ourselves walking the fine line between fanaticism and fatigue where we find romance in all of its glory and gore! This puts us in the awkward and often unclear social, cultural and historical expectations which none of us can actually achieve and find ourselves falling short while at the same time our others find our efforts, errors and excitement quite endearing. These can include:

  • Lovenotes
  • Petnames
  • Flowers
  • First Date Recreations
  • Counting & Celebrating Days, Months & Years
  • Homemade Gifts
  • Chocolate
  • Selfie Shots
  • Ice Cream
  • Silly Kissy Faces
  • Birthday Surprises
  • Little Gifts
  • Grand Gestures
  • Emoji Love Spells
  • Intimate Texts
  • and so many other “love-bytes” we share

As our HHIA-Relationships devlop and transform from dating to living together, from living together to building a life together, and form building to sharing and maintaining a life together, things change. Some of the little things that brought us together can fall to the wayside as we saddle up and ride off into the sunset together.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Romantically Resistant

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

Sylvia Plath

Ultimately, this process can leave us feeling more bound and tied to one another than feeling connected, joined, or coupled. In other words, our united fronts and fixed relationship roles can leave us feeling unseen and isolated in our relationships and time together which can begin to suffer from an absence of expressed appreciation and spoken approval or voiced affection. 

Romantic Revival

When this happens, we are being invited to inspire ROMANCE in ourselves and our significant others! We are invited to again:

  • invent incidents
  • exxagerate detail
  • entertain romantic thoughts & ideas
  • flatter
  • give personal attention
  • and “curry favor”

with & from both our partners and ourselves.

This is not an instantaneous event or automatic effect. But there is great potential for fun and creativity, when we choose to make the effort. We can remember and reignite our passion potential.

I’m very romantic, I’m extremely romantic. I date my wife.

Alice Cooper
Photo by ethereal lenswork on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try to remember romance for yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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German Blog-lessons:

123

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 62

Maintaining the Vibe

Courting

To Court: to seek, to gain or achieve; act so as to invite or provoke seek the affections; to win a pledge of marriage; perform actions in order to attract; to seek an alliance.

Paraphased form Merriam Webster
Photo by Damira Nagumanova on Scopio

This is Sean , back again! We are furthering our exploration of our interactions and search for rapport, love, and romance in HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are pondering who we are and who we want to be with each other in our hunt for passion and appreciation from one another.

Courting is much more than just working for an engagement. One the one hand we are seeking attention and approval. On the other hand we are acting on the behalf of the object of our affection, hoping to prove to them that we are the best peron for them to spend their time, affection and emotions on/with. Our goal is to create an environment where our dates, partners, lovers, and/or in spouses choose us to occupy a special place in their hearts and lives.

Princes, Princesses & In Between

Wine, like food, is so emotional. If you think about it, so much of the courting ritual is surrounded by wine and food. There’s a built-in romance to wine.

Padma Lakshmi

Ultimately, our search for that special someone turns into a dance to attract and amuse them. This is true whether we dance alone or in concert. In the best of circumstances, this dance becomes a lifelong event which we choose to participate in with our significant others. Throughout this process we are encouraged to remember this and keep “dancing” for and with those who are most important to us.  

Luckily, we have more than one tool or technique in our arsenal to attract and keep the attention of our loved ones. We have and develop:

  • Performance
  • Romance
  • Talent
  • Affection
  • Conversation
  • Skills
  • Appearance
  • Interest
  • Humor
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio
  • Support
  • Style
  • Loyalty
  • Individuality
  • Presentation
  • Trust
  • Intimacy
  • … Among others   

Kings, Queens & In Betweens

In other words, our courtship rites and rituals develop in to the scenery and context of our lives together. Put plainly, this is what we call a relationship. Our relationships continue to grow and mature just as we do over moments, minutes, days, weeks, months, and years.  

Historically, courting and courtship would come to an end as soon as the ink was dry on the contract. Marriages were ironclad and unbreakable treaties spiritually, culturally and legally for a better part of our history. However, today the rules have changed and we are free to pursue our happiness as individuals, couples, throuples or moresomes ?. This is a great thing for you, me, us and our relationships.

Photo by NOELLE MILES on Scopio

Fools for Love

Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do.

David Wilkerson

Simultaneously, this new truth and freedom comes with the challenge to keep our relationships fresh, funny and fulfilling. Maintaining a happy, healthy and intimately enriching and supportive relationship is both a goal and an accomplishment each day.

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try a bit of courting for yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 61

Maintaining the Vibe

Keeping

Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending.

Jim Henson
Photo by Aakash Pal on Scopio

Sean here. We are continuing our study of communication and the quest for companionship, love, and affection in HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are considering who we are and who we want to be with each other in our pursuit of passion and approval from one another.

Simultaneously, creating and developing our relationships includes a bit of maintenance, care and prudence in our actions and expressions towards our significant others. 

Firsts

Relationships go through a lot of steps and stages, milestones and special moments from…

  • First… 
    • … glances
    • … smiles
    • … words
    • … coffees
    • … dates
    • … dinners
    • … touches
    • … kisses
    • … caresses
    • and…

Our firsts are all very exciting and often quite intimate with just the two/three of us exploring and experiencing each other in a private and protected environment. In other words, we have the opportunity to give and receive attention and affection often with focus and intention and without distractions or other opinions.

Photo by ethereal lenswork on Scopio

Seconds

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Often after a relatively brief “honeymoon” phase, we expand our focus. Our expanded focus tends to include:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Pets
  • Home
  • Neighbors
  • Work
  • Colleagues
  • Parents
  • Associates
  • Health
  • Habits
  • Hobbies…

On the one hand we get to learn more about both ourselves and our partners through this expanded focus and input. On the other hand, we can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed by the influence and weight of both our own expanded input and that of our paramours.

All of these influences can begin to color our experiences with one another and distract us from our purpose and aspiration to create a HHIA relationship which supports and enriches our lives both individually and together.

Photo by Erik Kubill on Scopio

Thirds

Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.

Walt Whitman

Keeping, preserving and sustaining our relationships, feelings and affections are as simple and complicated as we experience them. One of the best ways to do this is to start at the beginning and remember to be:

  • kind
  • complimentary
  • caring
  • creative
  • communicative
  • collaborative
  • constructive
  • consistent
  • comforting
  • and so on…

Most importantly, we can support and encourage our relationship growth and stability through expressing and believing in our beauty and our bond. Simply put, “We are on the same team and always want the best for each other and ourselves.” With this in mind, we can persist and persevere in healthy happy intimate adult relationships with one another.  

Photo by Nicola Simoncini on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Remember to be kind to yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 60

Maintaining the Vibe

Caring

Caring: having a liking, or fondness; feeling trouble or anxiety; having an inclination; feeling interest or concern

Paraphrased from Merriam Webster

This is Sean back again! We are here discovering are communication possibilities while seeking company, devotion,and tenderness in HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are imagining who we can be and what we can share with each other in our quest for love and understanding.

Truthfully, we care about a lot of people. We care about our friends, family, coworkers, “love” interests and ourselves and not necessarily in this order. ?

Photo by  Christopher Risch on Scopio

Different Levels

You can’t have it all, all at once. Who – man or woman – has it all, all at once? Over my lifespan, I think I have had it all. But in different periods of time, things were rough. And if you have a caring life partner, you help the other person when that person needs it.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Caring encompasses four different levels of experience and existence:

  • Physical – We care about physical safety, nourishment and comfort.
  • Mental – We care about thoughts ideas, and communication.
  • Emotional – We care about the feelings, intuition and nurturing of ourselves and others.
  • Spiritual – We care about our spirits, souls, creativity and/or inner peace.  

Quite frankly, our current relationship reality is less significant than our desire for connection and courtesy.

In other words, our caring for one another is real, genuine and significant. Caring affects how we feel, experience and react to each other. Simultaneously, we are able to improve our relationships through communication.  

On the one hand, acknowledgment of our caring can help us to better understand our own feeling and reactions. On the other hand, this only helps us and not our friends, family or significant others.

Photo by Марина Ефанова on Scopio

A simple turn of a phrase can seem insignificant, cheesy, or simply over-simplified. At the same time, they can still be true, for example:

“Sharing is Caring!”

In this vein we can talk about sharing being a fundamental aspect of caring as well as the notion that caring is sharing, as well.   

I believe in the power of ideas. I believe in the power of sharing knowledge.

Ory Okolloh

And how exactly do we share our caring? Here are a few possibilities:

  • A Kiss
  • Touching
  • A Hug
  • Offering Help or Support
  • Sharing
  • Taking Time
  • Making Space
  • Having a Conversation
  • Giving a Compliment
  • Saying Hello
  • Listening
  • Holding on
  • Letting go
  • Paying Attention… and responding in kind.

Sharing our “caring” includes paying attention to our friends, family and significant others and responding in a supportive and beneficial manner.

Photo by Kenji Tanimura on Scopio

Ourselves & Others

This does not mean ignoring our desires or interests. Frankly, caring encourages us to communicate and reveal ourselves to one another deepening and strengthening our connections.    

Caring starts with ourselves and our desires and interests. In relationship caring is chiefly focused on our partners and significant others. When we care we want the best for them. At the same time, we also want the best for ourselves. Sharing helps us to find and or discover the best for both of us.

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Care & Share a little more this week (with yourself and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 59

Remember

Photo by Juan Algar Carrascosa on Scopio

Motivation

This is Sean here. And we are exploring how we communicate and develop while searching for companionship, dedication, love, and HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are contemplating who we are and what we share with each other.

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

Our entire lives, we have been in relationships. (1)

First with our:  

  • Mothers
  • Fathers
  • Parents
  • Sisters
  • Brothers
  • Siblings
  • Families
  • Cousins
  • Grandparents
  • Teachers
  • Neighbors
  • Classmates …

Simply speaking, we have been learning and creating relationships the whole time without awareness, intention or effort. 

Photo by Lynne Bookey on Scopio

Reimagined

On the one hand we have been absorbing and experiencing relationship all around us. On the other hand we were never really given the opportunity to learn how to create the relationships we want and need.

The knowledge, skills and understanding needed to create and develop the relationship that encourage and support our individual growth, success and happiness.  

Additionally, we experience social and cultural pressure to perform and present our personalities and achievements, rather than express and trust ourselves honestly and openly with vulnerability and openness.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Out & About

As adults we are coaxed into leaving our parental home and explore the world, outside our comfort zones and our familial security. In this time of growth and discovery, we find ourselves yearning for understanding, comfort and support from those around us. 

Consequently, we begin to create new relationships and deal with both ourselves and others. All the while we are seeking approval, love and affection.

Our experience with ourselves, others and the world around us can be challenging and less than perfect. Ultimately, most of us discover:

  • Insecurity
  • Fears
  • Anxiety
  • Nervousness
  • Worries
  • Angst
  • Concerns

These in turn are expressed in our relationships to others and towards ourselves. In their expression we often experience unsatisfying and uncomfortable conversations and interactions with others which can reinforce our negative expectations. With practice, we can learn to communicate, trust and release the above as our awareness and relationships mature.  

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Simply put, our understanding of the world and ourselves blossoms and we strive for a stable foundation on which we can create new communication skills and approaches which support and encourage our happy healthy adult intimate (HHIA) relationships

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Think a bit about your motivations (and the motivations of those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 58

Creating His/Her-Story

Photo by Kenji Tanimura on Scopio

Sean here, back again! And, we are going to go one step further and look at how we express and process while pursuing camaraderie, commitment, affection, and HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are pondering who we are and what we share with each other.

From early childhood, we have been naming ourselves and others, telling stories, including recognizing, expressing and learning our truth and the truths of others and creating memories.

Time and Time Again

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Confucius
Photo by Bycovaag Gonzalez alonso on Scopio

Ultimately, as time passes these names, stories and truths are:

  • Created
  • Reimagined
  • Expressed
  • Received
  • Spoken
  • Appreciated
  • Voiced
  • Witnessed
  • Stated as Fact
  • Understood
  • Realized
  • Told
  • Heard
  • Declared
  • Imagined
  • Repeated

In other words, through our names, stories and memories we begin to create a history which we repeat and remember in our words, actions, and relationships.

As we meet people and experience them, we find and experience ourselves as well. These experiences are often filled with feelings and thoughts which encourage us to remember and retell our own and our shared stories to each other and to others. And with the others, we create (new) strories and shared experiences through the telling and hearing the others names, stories, and truths.

Photo by Brit Worgan on Scopio

Words and Actions

On the one hand, we express our attractions and attachment through our: anecdotes, narratives, and tales. On the other hand, our statements, descriptions and reports help us to identify and establish ourselves in the world and in our relationships.

History is a cyclic poem written by time upon the memories of man.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

In due course, our memories, truths, stories, and names come together to forge our understanding of ourselves and others including our her/history. In Fact, our her/history is a collection of his/her-stories including: 

  • Personal his/her-story
  • Family her/history
  • Academic his/her-story
  • Work her/history
  • Friendship his/her-story
  • Relationship her/history
  • Local his/her-story
  • National her/history
  • Cultural his/her-storyy
  • Social her/history
  • Human his/her-story

Bearing this in mind, we can better initiate and develop relationships with those around us and people we meet throughout our lives. Giving space to our individual, shared, and divergent histories can be a boon to our communication and connections to allow greater trust, understandnig and intmacy. 

Honor Ourselves and Others

Another advantage to this way of honoring ourselves and others is that we are able to approach each other with trust and faith. In other words we can meet in a state of belief and truth accepting ourselves and the others statements as part of us. We can, of course, further explore and examine our beliefs, memories and histories as an enriching and intimate experience rather than a competition to achieve or prove something that may or may not support us in relationship.  

The past is malleable and flexible, changing as our recollection interprets and re-explains what has happened.

Peter L. Berger
Photo by wijaya bhakti persada on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Share a bit of your history with yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 57

Making Memories

Photo by Pedro Talens Masip on Scopio

Share with me

Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.

Bob Dylan

This is Sean! We are here pondering how we communicate while pursuing  friendship, devotion, love, and HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are concentrating on who we are and what we share with each other. We have been looking at names (54), stories (55) and the value of recognizing, expressing and living our truth (56) and honoring the truths of others.

Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.

Guy de Maupassant
Photo by Chiara Marabese on Scopio

HistoryHerstory

And now, we are ready to explore expanding our experiences and sharing our time and thoughts with others. Ultimately, in this process we begin to make memories. Memories are a mix of history, experiences, feelings and perspective.

Memories are simultaneously unique & individual and shared & communal.

On the one hand memories are, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder. On the other hand, memories can be a communal intimate shared experience.  

I feel you!

How exactly do we create memories?  We create memories through and with emotions.  An Emotional Atlas offers a list of 5 emotions:

Photo by Jhong Gutaba on Scopio

In other words, positive memories are connected to positive emotions which in a new study include:  

  • Admiration
  • Adoration
  • Aesthetic
  • Appreciation
  • Amusement
  • Awe
  • Calmness
  • Entrancement
  • Excitement
  • Interest
  • Joy
  • Nostalgia
  • Romance
  • Satisfaction
  • Sexual Desire
  • Sympathy
  • Triumph
Photo by marco simola on Scopio

Mindful Creation

We make memories with intent and mindfulness. Alternatively, we can create shared memories by doing just that, sharing our intention and appreciation. Some instances include:

  • Holding Hands
  • A Kiss
  • Watching the Sunset/Sunrise
  • Being Thoughtful
  • A Quick Smile
  • Telling a Joke
  • Laughing with Each Other
  • Gazing into Each Other’s Eyes
  • Coffee in Bed
  • Eating/Cooking Together
  • Going for a Walk  

Everything done with intent and mindfulness can create a memory and be shared with someone. While we are on the subject, making and sharing positive memories helps to build relationships, intimacy and trust.

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined – to strengthen each other – to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.

George Eliot
Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Make memory for yourself (and pay attention to those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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