Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 31

Indirect Communication (2)

This is Sean, back in the saddle and ready to ride, so to speak.

We are together again. After exploring some verbal communication that can be less than helpful; hints, clues, etc.

This time we are going to peak into the potential pitfalls of signs and signals when trying to communicate and understand each other.

Photo by Ahmad Badr on Scopio

Signs of the Times

“Smiling is sometimes the sign of invitation, but do not take it seriously if it is only someone’s habit.”

Ehsan Sehgal

In other words, we can look at the signs in our lives and consider how well they inform us about the world around us. Signs we are considering include:

  • Stop Signs
  • Speed Limit Signs
  • Animal X-ing
  • Children at Play

Traffic signs are generally understood as being internationally understood.  However, the German word for traffic is also used for intercourse. Stop signs are pretty clear but many if not most of our traffic signs are open to interpretation. This is also true of the signs we experience in our intimate lives as well.  

Photo by sonia fasoli on Scopio


Speaking of traffic signs, most of these are related to potential, in both directions (more/less, faster/slower). And, there are often more than one sign posted together. This suggests that the sign is not expressing exactly what is happening when we see the signs. A good example of these are the animal crossing and children signs. The truth is that there might be animals and/or children. The message is more accurately pay attention than „children at play“ or „Bear Crossing“. This often leave us to our own devices and expects us to understand and react “accordingly“. Hence, we are responsible for our reaction and the result. This can be a heavy burden in the bedroom. We can avoid being singularly responsible and absolutely to blame by actively communicating and actively listening to each other.

Photo by VICTOR HUGO ZERON on Scopio

Seen the sign

We have seen the sign(s) and we are expected to act accordingly. On the one hand this can be helpful for further exploration, on the other hand there are no definite or clear instructions/ direction. Through active listening and asking questions we can confirm our understanding of the signs we see.

and then there is also:

  • Advertising
  • Bilboard
  • Posters
  • Labels
Photo by Charry Jin on Scopio

Want Ads

Looking at advertising we have to remember that the advertiser is both attempting to inspire a reaction and a result. Thus, the message is often full of “meaning” and inference.

Form and Function

This meaning and inference is often culturally and socially specific and can be easily misunderstood. Let`s consider the experience of an American baby food company which tried to break into the African Market. The company’s very successful strategy and marketing included picture of beautiful pink smiling babies on the jars. Unfortunately, African food labels on cans and jars are known to picture the contents. Hence the African shoppers thought the jars contained babies as food!

Photo by Tami Scholtz on Scopio

Steer Clear

Considering how devasting such a misunderstanding can be in our relationships. It is always a good idea to discuss and actively interpret the signs you and your partner use with one another; together. This can be done often. Some signs and interpretations and meanings can change over time. The clearer we are with each other, the better our communication and intimacy can flow.

This is Sean. Try being kinder to yourself (and those around you) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.

Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:


Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 28

In Between

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Victor Borge

Sean – in the mix. Whether we are expressing ourselves or actively listening, the in between is where we begin to share and create trust and intimacy.

Photo by Ismael Jr. Thuco on Scopio

Neuen Beitrag erstellen

Titel hier eingebenHealthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 28

Just as with our intentions and actions, the intention is the beginning. The action is our attempt to express our intention. Then our partner’s reception and interpretation of our action is the result. Hence, what we create between us is key to the positive expression, reception and interpretation of both actions and intention.

What else is there?

In other words, the world we exist in is subjective and our perspective and interpretation of the world is based on our experiences. This is also true for your romantic interest(s), your girl-/boy-friend, your partner(s) and spouse.

The more positive input we have and try to put into the world around us results in a safer and more trusting environment. This environment is the space between ourselves and others.  

Photo by David Goncalves on Scopio


In other words, maintaining our affirmative ambiance/atmosphere can be supported by the following:

  • Being nice to ourselves
  • Forgiving ourselves and others
  • Considering that most people are doing the best they can, in the moment, including ourselves

On the one hand the more positive we make our environment, the more attractive our environment becomes, on the other hand the more attractive our environment is the more we experience positivity.

Some ways of insinuating positivity in to your environment include:

  • Smiling
  • Eye contact
  • Active listening

Ultimately encouraging more communication between ourselves and others.

Photo by David Goncalves on Scopio


Naturally, we find it easier to talk with people who exist in and are creating a similar atmosphere.

Communication and understanding can become a little bit more challenging or strained when we have different backgrounds, upbringings, and perception of the world around us.

Hence, to improve are chances of both understanding being understood we can use active listening and positive expression to encourage a “trusting and save” “in between” each other as we communicate.

Photo by Nina Gorbenko on Scopio


Attraction may be a completely different experience. When we are attracted to someone who is creating a different vibe than we are used to, it can be intimidating or interesting. Both can initiate excitement.

At the same time, when we meet someone who wants to share our space or even participate in creating it. Feeling the same and/or responding in kind can be a first step. And then, we are on our way to creating a relationship space.

It can be helpful to remember that our relationships exist both within our hearts and heads, as well as, outside ourselves in a realm of their own; in the in between.

This is Sean. Try being nice to yourself for a week, a day, an hour, a moment, and see what happens.

Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:


Photo by Anastasiia Rybalko on Scopio
Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 27

Active Listening

Sean, here again: Are you listening? We have been talking about actively expressing ourselves and now we are going to talk about active listening. 

Photo by Kasha Perry on Scopio

One word, one thought at a time

Right after expressing ourselves, comes paying attention to the response of others to our expressions. On the one hand we are responsible for sharing ourselves, our thoughts and our feelings and on the other hand we have the opportunity to experience another’s self, thoughts and feelings when we actively listen.


If we take the opportunity and handle it with care. We can allow a conversation to become a true dialogue. Where we actively support our conversation partner and allow them to share in a safe space.

Photo by Justin Reyes on Scopio

Actively Passive

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.

Zeno of Citium, as quoted by Diogenes Laërtius

Essentially taking the communication ideas from Blog-Lesson 25 & 26 and applying them to listening rather than speaking:

  • Eye contact,
  • Body language,
  • making I statements like I am hearing…, I understand….
  • Asking suitable questions

Passively active

Further techniques to encourage our partners to share include:

  • Patience,
  • Smiling,
  • Mirroring,
  • Paraphrasing,
  • Neutral Responses,
  • Reflecting,
  • Summarizing
  • More…
Photo by Gabriela Fonseca on Scopio


One of the greatest benefits of actively listening is being able to understand and really hear your conversation partner. In other words, you create a space in time where and when you are both able to hear and be heard in a way that encourages trust, support, intimacy and authenticity.

Hence the beginning of establishing potential for more, more conversation, more intimacy and even more authenticity.

If you are ready, willing and able to actively listen, then perhaps you are also ready willing and able to authentically share a dialogue with the ones you are with.

I encourage you to take a chance and make a moment to try out some of these techniques with someone you care about. See how is goes. I would love to hear about your process.

This is Sean signing off.

Your thoughts? Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:


Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 26

Express Yourself (2)

This is Sean again. I am back with you to continue our exploration of initial communication. After our last Blog-lesson where we looked at eye contact and body language. Now it is time to consider our words.

Use your words

There are two basic communication building blocks we need to consider.

One the one hand knowing what you want to say and on the other hand knowing how to say what you want to say. These two things are most important to achieve good communication. This is why we have been looking at ourselves and exploring what is important for us.

Photo by Camille Nichol on Scopio


Hence, we are aware and have considered our own likes, attractions, feelings and desires.  

(You can go back to earlier blog lessons to further explore these things.)  


  1. First, be clear about what you want to say: feelings, thoughts, etc.
  2. Second, make eye contact, use body language and be aware your posture (See Blog 25).  
  3. Third use “I sentences…”

I think, therefore I am.

René Decartes
Photo by Gülsüm Kisla on Scopio

– I am, therefore I communicate

A great way to express ourselves are “I statements”.  In other words, using these are a way of expressing ourselves and owning our thoughts and feelings. It is a way of sharing ourselves without giving away our responsibility or our power.

A few examples include: 

  • I believe…
  • I think…
  • When… I feel…
  • I am …
  • What I like…
  • I would like…
Photo by Brit Worgan on Scopio


The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein

After, or even before, sharing ourselves, we can ask questions. Questions show interest and encourage others to share themselves with us. Questions can be open or closed, leading or not.

Some Questions:


  • Who……?
  • What……?
  • Where……?
  • When……?
  • Why……?
  • How……?
  • Which……?



Photo by Lina Khalid on Scopio

When you ask a question, be sure to listen to your partner’s answer. Then you respond with another question or an I statement of your own. By listening to your partners words, looking them in the eye and responding “on topic” , you create a communal space. Hence, a mix of questions and I statements can create a lively and really fun interaction and maybe even spark an interest that wasn’t there to begin with.

Take a minute or two and practice this kind of interaction with a friend. Do this with someone you like, trust or know well to practice. And let me know how it goes and what you think. This is Sean wishing you all the best.

Your thoughts? Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:


looking inward through the lights
Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 25

Photo by Ghassan Hannoof on Scopio

Express yourself (1)

Here we are again! This is Sean and I am here to say “We are on our way!” If you have been following this Blog-Lesson series then you have done the work on yourself with yourself! Consequently, we are now ready to share what we have learned and who we are with the world. In other words it is time to consider and explore communication.

I contact – eye contact.

Do you look people in the eye? If you want someone’s attention, give it a try. People are attracted to and captivated by our eyes. Their shape, color and sparkle.

Photo by Pierrick VAN-TROOST on Scopio

“I like you; your eyes are full of language.“

[Letter to Anne Clarke, July 3, 1964.]”
Anne Sexton

On one hand our eyes are one of our most sensitive sensory organs. On the on other hand our eyes are connected directly to our brains. In other words, they are also the window to our souls. They show us how we are feeling and express something beyond words. 


Exercise1: Start with yourself..

  • Look at yourself in the mirror
  • Look directly at your eyes
  • Observe their shape and their color  
  • Can you see the whites of your eyes?
  • Roll your eyes and look at how they move
  • Watch them move, what do you see
  • Peek deeper into your eyes
  • See your pupils are they big, small or in between…
  • Look at your irises: blue, grey, green, golden or dark brown 
  • Look for the fire, the glint the energy and enthusiasm.
  • Smile!!
  • Look again and see the smile in your eyes.

Everyone else sees this too! At least those who are paying attention. Get people attention by looking into their eyes. 

An Eye for an Eye

Experiment: Start with friends, family, neighbors and co-workers. You will find they will notice, listen and be more attentive to you when you take a moment, stop and look them in the eye. Additionally, this seemingly small action encourages respect and consideration of the message and presence of others.

I look forward to hearing about your experiences.

Body Body

We have talked about caring for our bodies and hygiene. We have explored how our bodies feel and how we feel when we touch our own bodies. Hence, it is time to consider our bodies are also one of our first transmitters of information and communication. Furthermore, our bodies are a communication tool.  

Photo by Mariafernanda Danzè on Scopio

Mirror Mirror

Exercise 2: Find a full-length mirror.

  • Stand in front of the mirror.  
  • Look at yourself.
  • Turn to the left.
  • Look again.
  • Turn to the right.
  • Look again.
  • Spin all the way around while looking at yourself

What do you see? How is your posture? Where are your shoulders arm, hands? Are you standing up straight or slouching? Do you feel balanced? Are you stable on four feet/in your shoes? Do you like what you have on? Do you have anything on? Are you alone in private or in a public space?  

Strike a Pose

Photo by Chukwuebuka Mordi on Scopio

A good stance and posture reflect a proper state of mind.

Morihei Ueshiba

Exercise3: Posture

  • Stand in front of the mirror.  
  • Look at yourself straight on.
  • Lift up your chin and look up.
  • Bring your eyes back down.
  • Lower your chin until it is parallel to the ground.
  • Looking at yourself roll your shoulder upwards and backwards until the sit slightly behind your armpits. Feel your body.
  • Pull in your stomach and push your hips forwards.
  • Observe yourself.
  • How do you look now?

Do you see a difference? How much of a difference? Do you like the difference? Each of these exercises can be done with or without a mirror. And can help us to be more aware of how we present ourselves to others in our surroundings. Try lifting your chin and rolling your shoulders before addressing a family member or a colleague and look them in the eye. See if this affects how the react and respond to you in the moment. 

Let me know 😊 what you think.

That is all for this time. Three exercises and two experiments are more than enough for one read. I wish you all the best in your explanations and communications. This is Sean “Be nice to you, please.”

Your thoughts? Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:


Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 24

Do you, do you?

Photo by Autumn Dozier on Scopio

Sean here again. We have been doing this for just about 6 months we are 2 Blog-Lessons away from the halfway point in this Blog-Lesson One Year Series! Happy Healthy Intimate Adult Relationships! So let’s get back on the horse and take a look at ourselves, an honest look at our authentic selves.

How do you do?

Now, it is time to introduce ourselves to ourselves, to be true to ourselves and allow our true selves to be present. In other words: Do you, do you? How do you do you? When do you do you? Who are you? In this vein, it is important to consider our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. It is important to think about how we appreciate ourselves and how critical we can be. Most often we are our greatest critics and judges. It is important for us to learn to be our greatest supporter and fan. It is thought selflove and appreciation that we learn to be good lovers, friends and partners in healthy and happy relationships.

Truth and Consequences

Photo by Curtis Waidley on Scopio

Consequently, we can learn to recognise when we get stuck in a loop or a negative thought processes. These come from words or experiences in our past and they can become a significant although unauthentic part of how we act and who believe we are. These are often stories we tell ourselves and others about us without realizing they are not the stories or truths we are and want to be.

Naming Names

  • First thoughts when you hear “Who are you?”. Do you think about your name, your job title or your relationship status?
  • Secondly when you think about your name – What does it mean to you? Do you prefer your first name, middle name (if you have one) you family name or a nickname perhaps?
  • Finally, what is your favorite name? Is it your own?

Names are an integral part of our identities and a very important part of who we are. BTW – Naming ourselves is a very powerful aspect of our existence which is often overlooked.  

Rose is a rose….

Photo by Red Cy on Scopio

Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose
Loveliness extreme.
Extra gaiters,
Loveliness extreme.
Sweetest ice-cream.
Pages ages page ages page ages.

Gertrude Stein’s poem Sacred Emily

Whatever our “official/legal” names are we tend to find ways to create our own truth and meaning though our names and the names we call ourselves, the names others call us and the names we give others either as groups or individuals. We and the world, as a society, cultures, groups, couples and individuals differentiate between ourselves and others with names.   

Thus, we call ourselves and others the things we want them to be and we call ourselves the things we want to be or the things we have been taught to be. 

Are you authentic to yourself?

Photo by Bala Murugesan on Scopio

Do you like yourself? This is a place to start. It is important to identify the things about ourselves that we like. One the one hand we can name five things we like about ourselves and on the other hand we can name five things that others have said the like about us.

I Like: _______________ Others Like:____________

  1. ____________________ 1._____________________
  2. ____________________ 2._____________________
  3. ____________________ 3._____________________
  4. ____________________ 4._____________________
  5. ____________________ 5. _____________________

Take a look – Do they match or are they complementary or are the completely separate and different from one another?

Think about your names! Reflect on the things you like about yourself. Are there more. Contemplate what others like about you. Are they really you- Are these things you like about yourself? Consider you, yourself and your thoughts and feelings! Relase yourself and allow the authenticity to enter.

This is Sean signing off with this thought.

The World belongs to those who let go.

Lao Tzu –

Your thoughts? Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:


Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 23


From Head to Toe

Welcome Back! Sean Here – I hope you enjoyed our body exercises last time. Becoming aware of our bodies and our touch can be an interesting and enriching experience. Our bodies are both our „temples and our „playgrounds“. Therefore we are also encouraged to play with/in and enjoy our bodies as well.

I touch myself

In this vein, we are going to go through a touching exercise. We are going to be activily touching and passively being touched over our entire bodies. We can go though the exercise playfully and with self-love. You can be comfortably dressed or undressed. It is all up to you! I would suggest reading through the entire exercise before starting. Then, go for it! Be affectionate to you:

  • We are going to start out standing or sitting confortably.
  • Place your hands on the top of your head.
  • Lay them there and close your eyes.
  • Feel your crown, your hair, your hands.
  • Feel your hands on your head.
  • Caress, pat or reposition your hands on your head.
  • Do this with more and less pressure;
  • add some pressure and lighten the pressure a few times.
Photo by Zuzi Janek on Scopio


What do you feel on your head and in your hands? Do you like the way it feels?

  • Now touch your face.
  • Your forehead, your nose,
  • Caress your cheeks and your jaw and your chin.
  • Lay your hands flat, feel them, let them feel you.
  • Let your fingers trace and explore your face.
  • Adjust the pressure from light to firm and back again. How does all of this feel: in your hands, on your fingers and on your face.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your face?


  • Clasp your fingers around the back of your neck.
  • Hold your hands to your neck.
  • Loosen your fingers and cares your neck and throat.
  • Slide your hands around your throat and neck from the base of your skull to your shoulders, from your collar bone up to your chin.

What do you feel on your neck, your throat. How do you feel in your hands? Do you like it? Do you enjoy your own touch? The way you feel.

Chest, Arms

  • Lay your hands on your chest.
  • Let your fingers touch your chest, your nipples.
  • Run them over your chest, across, under your arms into your armpits.
  • Rub them over your shoulders,
  • Along your arms down to your elbows, fore arms and your hands.
  • Let your hands move back up along your wrists, fore arms elbows, shoulders and back to your chest.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your chest, arms and hands? Are you enjoying the affection?

Photo by Alan Rodriguez on Scopio

Hips, heels

  • Let your hands travel from your chest to our belly.
  • Rub your belly.
  • Let your hands flow around your belly
  • Move them up and down your flank from your ribs to your hips.
  • Let your hands flow to your lower back.
  • Run them along your hips.
  • Trace your fingers across your upper thighs and into your lap.
  • Caress your legs and touch your pelvis.
  • Let your hands rest in your lap.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your belly, your lower back and in your lap. Do you like your touch? Do you like being touched? Are you enjoying the affection? How do you feel to yourself?


  • Move your hands along your inner thighs to your knees.
  • Trace your fingers and hand around your knee.
  • Glide them behind your knees.
  • Slide along your outer thigh up to your buttom/buttocks.

What do you feel on your legs, knees, bottom, and in your hands? Do you like the way this feels?


  • Run your hands back down the back/side of your legs to your calves.
  • Caress your claves, your shins.
  • Hold your Ankles.
  • Sit or lie down.
  • Take one foot in your hand.
  • Rub your foot.
  • Trace your heal and toes with your fingers.
  • Touch the top of your foot.
  • Release and Relax.
Photo by Kirill Gudkov on Scopio

Take a moment and reflect on your experience, your thoughts and feeling.

(The lists, exercises, and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

I hope your exploration and excursion along your body was adventurous and a pleasure. If anything was uncomfortable or tense, you can try the entire exercise or just one section more slowly. You can also try being firmer or gentler with your touch. Have fun and play with yourself. 🙂

It would be great to hear your thoughts. Have a great day.

This is Sean signing off. Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –12345678910111213141516171819202122

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 22

Body (1)

Here is Sean, back again. This time we are going to get out of our heads a bit and explore our own bodies and how they look and feel.

It is important for us to recognize, know and understand our bodies and how they/we respond to external information and impulses.

Photo by Ivan Naunov on Scopio

Similarly, to our minds, thoughts and emotional memories, our bodies have memories as well.

Body Memory

In other words, our bodies remember both “positive/pleasurable/happy” and “negative/painful/traumatic” memories.  This suggests that our pleasure and our feelings of attraction, excitement pleasure may be related to actual physical events we have experienced in our pasts. These events may or may not have been intentional or directly related to our intimate lives.

Our experience of the body is not direct; rather, it is mediated by perceptual information, influenced by internal information, and recalibrated through stored implicit and explicit body representation (body memory).

Giuseppe Riva, Cortex
Volume 104, July 2018, Pages 241-260

Therefore, I am going to describe a few exercises to help us access knowledge and understanding of our own bodies. Read each exercise to the end of the description before you begin. Then as you remember the exercise, experience it for yourself.

Photo by Sonya Peacocke on Scopio


  • Sit comfortably or lie down.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Think about your feet and be aware of your toes for a moment…relax
  • Think about and be aware of your ankles for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your calves for a moment and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your knees for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your thighs for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your hips for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your buttocks for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your pelvis for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your lower back for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your stomach for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your chest for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your upper-back for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your hands for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your forearms for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your elbows for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your upper arms for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your shoulders for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your neck for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your Jaw for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your tongue for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your chin for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your lips for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your nose for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your eyes for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your forehead for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your whole face for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your ears for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your head for a moment…and relax
  • And now, be aware of your whole body for a moment…and relax
  • Well Done! Now you are in your body, relaxed and aware.
Photo by Ghassan Hannoof on Scopio


Now, I want you to hold your hands. How do they feel? Are they warm or cold? Are they damp or dry? In other words, do you like how they feel? What are you aware of?

  • Now, hold them tighter,
  • now lighter,
  • cross your finger together.
  • Feel your hands,
  • touch your fingernails with your fingers,
  • lightly press your palms together,
  • touch the back of your dominant hand, caress your “submissive” hand.
  • Consider how they feel to you, as well as, how your touch feels.
  • Switch hands and experience the process again.
Photo by Juan Pablo Lopez Rostro on Scopio


Again, sitting or lying down.

  • Lay your hands on your chest. In the middle over your heart/breastbone.
  • Let them lay there.
  • Breathe.
  • Feel your chest move as your lungs fill with air…
  • and exhale. Feal your chest as you exhale.
  • Do this for about a minute minute.
  • Be aware of your breath and your chest.
  • Now notice your hands.

Importantly, how do your hands feel? Are they heavy or light, warm or cool? Which hand is on your chest and which is on your hand?  

(The lists, exercises, and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

My Body: Instructions on how to find, build, maintain, repair, and/or improve your Healthy (Happy) Intimate HHIA Relationships with yourself and others.
Photo by Marjon Paul Barnezo on Scopio

Enough 4 Now

Ultimately, I think we have done enough exploration for now. If you want more or have something to share please contact me. This is Sean saying „Be Safe, Love Yourself and Be Well!“ Till next time!

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –123456789101112131415161718192021

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 21


Sean here! Back in the saddle and looking forward.

We are back to continue towards our best selves and our best relationships. In other words, we are here to learn and lead from our experiences towards our goals and desires.   

With our recognition and examination of our past and present experiences as well as the best, worst and inspiring interactions and intimate experiences, we are now ready to go one step further and look at our wants and desires. 

Let’s get down to brass tacks:

Photo by Lucas Lorizio

Where is your head at?

When you look inward, what do you see as the ideal life/relationship? On the one hand how independent are you? How much „me time“ do you need? How much do you have? On the other hand how much couple time, social time, group time do you find most comfortable?

Are you single? Or are you in a relationship? Are you married?

Relationship status is often just another label, a status symbol to help us make sense of the world.

Firstly, singles often get to make their own decisions and choose for themselves alone.

Secondly, people in relationships have an affininty and an expressed responsibility or fealty to one or more others depending on the nature of the relationship.

Thirdly, married people are really established in their positions as being governmentally and socially recognized as being related to another person with whom they are attached financially and legally.

Ultimately, this is a pretty big deal for most of us. Where do you see yourself in an ideal world?

Photo by Juan Pablo Lopez Rostro

Do you feel loved?

Love is something that we feel for ourselves and others. Hopefully we love ourselves as much if not more than the others in our lives. This is a really good place to start. If this is not the case, it is important to consider how and why your selflove has been diminished. This is not a “game changer” or a prerequisite for relationship building. To be clear, however, self-love is an important aspect to establishing comfort, trust and awareness of our needs and boundaries.

Are you in love?

When you think of that someone (someones) special in your life, do you feel love? Are you inspired by a feeling of attraction, respect and appreciation of the people you have around you and in your intimate daily life? Is there someone or some ideal which inspires you to such feelings and aspirations?

Photo by Mary Pcholkina

Is there romance in your life, in your mind or in your heart?

Ultimately, the above questions and thoughts are important for you and your consideration. After all of these thoughts and considerations it is time to think about “What to do?”. In this vein, how much romance do you have in your life?

Romance and romantic are extremely individual and often overblown in our media and advertising to sell the idea of being loved. In my experience romance is the act of being in love and inspiring love in yourself and others. This is my understanding of romance.

Our culture puts a lot of restrictions and fantastical expectations on romance. Between the perfect lingerie, perfect grooming, perfect timing and perfection itself we mostly fall short of the idealized and cinematic romance of our cultural expectations.

Truthfully, romance is more than “spontaneous overflowing perfect expressions of love”. Really, romance can be as small as a knowing smile or as large as sky writing “I LOVE YOU” or as simple as a small snack to share.

However, romance can also include emptying the dishwasher… because your partner is coming home late, or taking out the trash to “spruce up” the kitchen before dinner.   

Photo by Jun Pinzon

Is there romance in your schedule?

Ultimately, romance is expressing love for yourself and/or for your partner. Why shouldn’t we make time for this kind of action. We make time for so many other things. We call this scheduling.

My suggestion at this point is to look at your schedule or your week if your schedule is that open and consider where and when you want to express and inspire love this week.

This is Sean. Be good to you and inspire love when you can. I would love to hear what you think about all of this. Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –1234567891011121314151617181920

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 20


Healing (4)

Nothing ever becomes real ‚til it is experienced.

John Keats

Hi Y’all! This is Sean here! We are back! After looking at our firsts and our lasts! We are back again. The following exercise(s) will help to round out our experience inventories. Hence, we are going to take a fourth turn on the memory rollercoaster/carousel. We might even go three times around on this fourth round.

On the one hand our firsts helped us to look at our initial experiences. On the opther looking at our last experiences allowed us to contemplate our present reality. We are now going to look at some events in between.

Photo by Leenit Malkar on Scopio

Time after Time

In other words, we have the chance to use a different filter to look at our experiences and our memories of events which we have repeated, time after time, as well as, our interpretation of these events. That is to say, using a few superlatives we can customise our inventories to flesh out our feelings and thoughts about our intimate relationships and experiences.

In the last three Blog-Lesson we reviewed the most significant people in our lives, earliest experiences, and our most recent experiences and our memories. Hopefully these exercises were insightful and more titilating than torture.


So, let’s to continue on our way. The next step is to choose which direction we want to focus on. Some identifier options include:

  • best – worst
  • perfect – imperfect/worst
  • funniest – most serious/boring
  • most favourite – least favourite

This is your inventory and you can choose any identifers you wish. I would recommend starting with opposites. Then you can choose how many memories you want to explore between 10 to 15. To be clear, I would again recommend giving yourself approximately an hour for the exercise. This would be between 4 to 6 minutes per memory.

Special Attention

You can also choose 5 encounters per identifier and then choose a third identifier for variety like:

  • most memorable,
  • best story,
  • secret/most private

Remember this is a meditation for you and you alone to begin with. This allows you to decide which identifiers work best for you.

And what exactly is the next step?

Photo by Jeffrey Kieffer on Scopio

This Time

We can restructure the records of our first/last experiences and select the ones you would like to revisit. For instance, with one word change. We change first to last. It could look something like this:  

  • 1. my favourite kiss
  • 2. my favourite date
  • the favourite time:
  • 3. I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • 4. I asked someone out
  • 5. I slept with someone
  • 6. my least favourite kiss
  • 7. my least favourite date
  • the least favourite time:
  • 8. I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • 9. I asked someone out
  • 10. I slept with someone
  • 11. my best kiss story
  • 12. my best date story
  • the best story about the time:
  • 13. I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • 14. I asked someone out
  • 15. I slept with someone

Something like this. This list should include events from your firsts and lasts list.

(The lists and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)


Once we have our new „indentifier“ inventory we can add the first three words that come to mind:

For example:

  • my favourite kiss = husband, first, dancing
  • my least favourite date = whiskey, art, disaster
  • the best story about the time:
  • I asked someone out = bar, bet, YES

To be clear, I would again recommend giving yourself approximately an hour for this contemplation. Do your best to be honest about the first thoughts and words you use to deepen the experience without being too judgemental.

Once you have completed your list of identified interactions with your key words:

Take a minute! Breathe! …And Smile! You have survived them as well. Congratulations!

We have done quite a bit of memories and processing!

Photo by William Shum on Scopio

Inventory Alignment

The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.

Craig Charles

We can look at our inventories – people, firsts, lasts and defined by printing them out and laying them side by side. Looking at them and their ratings and remembering our defined – (best, worst, funniest) can help us to explore not only our histories and experiences, it can als offer us an insight into our feelings, thoughts, opinions and preferences. Additionally we can begin to understand where these thougths and feelings come from.


If you are up for it, take a look at your four lists and see where there are similarities and differences. Look at how things have changed from your first to your last experiences and what happended in between. When we put our responses side by sides we can get a picture of our development and begin to understand the “results” of our choices, both positive and negative.

Otherwise, put your inventories away and let them rest for a while. Let them be. You can come back to them later. The meditations themselves are a big step towards healing and owning our presence and voice in our relationships.

I would love to hear how things are going.

Next time we are going to think about our thought and feelings and how this affects our ability to relate.

This is Sean

“Be good to you!”

Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –12345678910111213141516171819