Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult HHIA Relationships 9


The absence of consent?

People are people…

Hello everyone, Sean here. I am back and in the mood to explore the abscence of or at least blocker of consent: Objectification. Objectification can take many forms in our world. The names and words used to refer to another person changes the way we think about them and the way we treat them.

Nicknames, Pet Names, No Names

One of the most endearing and acceptable forms of this kind of behavior is the use of pet names and nicknames for our partners. This can range from positive and loving “Terms of Endearment” like Hubby, Darling, and Sweetheart, to a bit harsher with labels like “Ball and Chain”, Old Lady, or The Warden. Both the positive and the negative terms reduce a whole person to a role, a function or an idea.

In other words, nicknames and pet names should be considered carefully and consented to. It is also a good idea to keep many, if not all of these loving descriptions, as pillow talk in the most intimate of circumstances. This way they fulfill their function as terms of endearment and are given to and received by those who have agreed to them.

Objectively Speaking

We all love a bit of objectivity, when we can get it. However, being objectified can be hurtful, harmful and a handful. We can experience objectification with both love objects and sex objects. We can also have an object; a goal to be achieved. None of these belong as a core of a HHIA relationship.

Photo by   Sayan Saha  on  Scopio

An object to love

A love object is one of two things either a person who we “invest” in emotionally and depend on to experience love, or a non-living thing that we fall in love with. Therefore the object, whether human or inanimate, is not a candidate for a healthy happy HHIA relationship. This has to do with the „love“ development and emotional focus without the consent and or participation of the other.

Essentially, the function of a projection of love onto another without the participation of the “love object”.  

As an object love and emotional interaction is impossible. In this vein I am including more information about “love addiction” and “object sexuality” which are the two areas which while at odd are the most common placement/use of the term Love object.

Photo by   Carlos Pedro de Carvalho Pinto  on  Scopio

Sex Objects

Sex objects are a bit less abstract and a bit more visible in our society, cultures and here in the net.

Objectification comes in essentially two forms – Turn-ons and Turn-offs!

And both fetishism and exclusion are often, but not exclusively racist, and prejudicial.

Again, reducing a person to attributes which we have decided are desirable, sexy and hot, or unattractive, unsexy and repulsive is a rejection of them as a whole person and a potential intimate loving whole partner.

Just a few examples include:

  • Bad Girl,
  • Sexy Beast,
  • Sugar Daddy,
  • Baby,
  • Straight-Acting,
  • Asian/Nubian/Arab-Princess,
  • Fat,
  • Femme,
  • School Girl,
  • Beefcake,
  • Stud,
  • Slut,
  • and so on.

You can decide if any of these are offensive or attractive to you personally.

To project them on to a potential partner is to separate them from their humanity and divinity. It prevents you from experiencing their range of beauty and personality and prevents them from experiencing you as well.

Our object, more commonly known as our objective is a relationship, intimacy, and connection.

To this end and to be clear: people are not objects and objects are not people.

Thanks for your time and attention. I hope this has been helpful and given you something to think about. Everything we have explored is potentially harmful or hurtful if you are thinking or expressing these ideas about others without a conversation or consent from the other person.  

We will look at some aspects of these ideas in partnership and playful, intimate situations in the next few blog lessons. I look forward to your thoughts and comments. Sean signing out. See you next time. More about me.

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Human HHIA Relationships 8

Consent (2):

The Right Responsibility

Photo by ethereal lenswork on Scopio

Hello everybody! Sean here to follow-up on our last Blog-Lesson and the concept of consent as well as our communication and understanding of it.

We agreed last time that consent involves: “…two equal partners in an objective situation communicating,…“

But, due to the relativity of concepts such as “equal” and “objective” in our daily lives, we have to be constantly aware of our own feelings and try to be considerate and ask our partners about their experiences in the world.

Our daily lives challenge stability and safety at every turn. Each day is full of events and interactions which can bring questions and concerns about our lives, our bodies, our feelings, and our existence. These are significant to our understanding and communicating consent.

No“ is always acceptable, any time

In other words, simply said:

No“ is always an acceptable response at any time in a healthy, happy, intimate adult (HHIA) relationship. 

And, just to be clear: „Stop“ is „no“ in action or movement and must be acknowledged and responded to immediately. 

Consent starts with our first introduction and interactions, and continues throughout our lives in relationship to other people.

Consent is also a synonym of permission and approval. With this in mind, we could say consent should be confident and maybe even enthusiastic.

If at any time you aren’t getting this vibe, you should probably take a minute or two and talk about what is going on with you and with your partner. What are you wanting to do together, at what speed, intensity and frequency. Clarity is a key to consent, trust and enthusiasm.

Photo by Patrick Igwe on Scopio

Yes, No, Maybe, Maybe Not

Understanding that “maybe not” or a hesitant maybe from your inner voice or your partner suggest an insecurity or sense of danger that can help us to build trust. This uncertainty is an opportunity to explore with each other through conversation and further communication.

Through definition or description you can find greater understanding and clarity about your desires and your partners requests. Your experiences as a pair and as individuals can teach us more about one another and help us feel safe together through dialogue.  

Once you have gotten a confident and enthusiastic „Yes“, you can move forward with your partner with a closer connection than before. 

Everything we have discussed is constantly changing and must be validated and confirmed with new experiences, changes in direction, speed or intention.

Communication is Key

Communication and consideration are keys to building trust, safety and intimacy in our (HHIA) Relationships.

Just as consent is an essential building block of intimacy, love and trust, consent is a constant variable in our lives.

By being aware of our feelings and thoughts about consent and communicating them, we can achieve greater understanding and respect for one another in a relationship.

In this way consent stabilizes and strengthens our bonds through time.  Each intimate instance is based on this simple concept.

Photo by Tariq Keblaoui on Scopio

To reign this in

An enthusiastic „Yes“means yes 

„Maybe“ means No, Not yet, maybe not ever

„Maybe not“ means No, Not now, not yet

„No“ means No

„Stop“ means No = Stop what you are doing! RIGHT NOW!

In other only the word „YES“ and preferably a happy, confident YES means YES = Keep going.

And Yes! That is all for now. Consider this and feel free to let me know your thoughts or ask me questions. I am Sean and I will be back next time to explore some more.

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

HHIA Definitions:

Our Blog-Lessons

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Healthy (Happy) Human Relationship definitions are primarily paraphrased from the Marion-Webster Dictionary online.

Age of Consent: the age when one is legally competent to consent to marriage and sexual intercourse 

Agemate: someone of the same age; from Lovemaps.

Air: one of the four elements, representing intellect and communication

Authentic: true to your personality, spirit, and character

Binary: made of two parts or things; a number system based on zero and one; dividion into two things which are considered opposites

Caring (2): having a liking, or fondness; feeling trouble or anxiety; having an inclination; feeling interest or concern

Carnal: relating to bodily appetites and pleasures

Chromosome: a rod/thread like part of the DNA

Consent: verb and noun; verb to give approval, to agree; noun agreeing as an action or statement

Continuum : a whole which is expressed as a collection, sequence or progression

Cursor: a visual cue (like a blinking vertical line) on a digital display that show position and asks for input

DNA: any variety of nucleic acids, which are the basis for hereditry

Earth: one of the four elements, representing the phisical and material aspect of beingness.

The Elements: a system of representation in western society which includes: earth, water, air and fire.

Equal: to be like in status, nature, or quality, for each member of a couple, group, or society

Estradiol: a natural estrogenic hormone; it is a phenolic alcohol C18H24O2 and is secreted the ovaries

Expression: the act or process and instance of representation

Female: a female person; a person who identifies as female; a woman or a girl; often an idiviual that is capable of producing eggs; a plant with only pistils or pistilate flowers

Femininity: the quality and degree of being womanly/ „female like“ according to your surroundings

Fetish: here – slang or common adjective to describe intimate activities which are outside of standard social intimate activities, including but not limited to: bondage, S/M, role play, etc. For more information or details: contact me

Fetishism: here: the eroticizing of an aspect or single quality of a person to a sexual fetish

Fire: one of the four elements, representing passion, creativity and energy

Flank: the fleshy parts of the body between the ribs and the hips

4 Real: serious and/or legitimate

Gender: behavioral, psychological and cultural features that are associated with being either female or male.

Habit: an acquired behavior which has become involuntary

Happy: to enjoy or being well and content

Healthy: an adjective meaning “…beneficial to one’s physical, mental or emotional state: conducive to or associated with good health or reduced risk of disease…”

HHIA Relationship: a relationship between 2 or more adults which includes intimate connections and behavior and promotes being happy and healthy intimate, adult

Human sexual rehearsal: erectile, erotic and sensual behaior that occurs pre-sexual understanding in infants and children – term form LOVEMAPS by John Money.

Human: citizens of planet earth; current evolutionary status of homo-sapiens; person

In Vitro: outside a living body or plant

In Vivo: inside a living body or plant

Intimate: very personal,  private, very close contact and familiarity; 

Kink: in this context – unconventional sexual interests, desires or behavior

Love: both a noun and a verb used to describe “(1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties…”, “(2) …affection and tenderness felt by lovers…”  and “…2 a:  to feel a lover’s passion, devotion, or tenderness for…”. *

Lover: a sexual and/or romantic partner 

Lucid: awake, aware, able to make decisions; having full use of your faculties

Masculininity: the quality and degree of being manly/ „male like“ according to your surroundings

Male: a male person; a person who identifies as male; a man or a boy; often an idiviual that is capable of fertilizing the eggs of a female, a plant with stamens and no pistils

Material Plane: a physical level of consciousness, development or existence; the physical world we live in

Nail Varnish: british – an opaque or clear liquid used to decorate fingernails and toenails; American – nail polish

Objective: an adjective – situation or condition without distortion by interpretations or prejudices

Objectification: the act of treating someone as an object

Obsession: here: persistent preoccupation with an unreasonable feeling or idea

One night stand: a sexual encounter limited to once (one-night), most often with a stranger or someone you have just met.

Partner: a person one in intimate relationship, one half of a couple

Pliable: able to bend freely and/or repeatedly without breaking

Potent: having force or influence; able to copulate

Potency: capacity to achive a result

Potential: existing in possibility; able to develop

Progesterone: a female steroid sex hormone C21H30O2

Relationship: a connection binding participants, a romantic or loving attachment.

REM: Rapid Eye Movement – Sleep pattern associated with dreaming

Ritual: 2a: ritual observance; b: a ceremonial act/action c : an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a mindful manner; 1: established form – ceremony specifically: the order of words and actions established for religious ceremony

Romance: a love affair – Check out the other definitions as well!

Safety: being safe from experiencing or causing harm, hurt, injury, or loss

Similitude: a counterpart, correspondence in kind, type or quality; a point of comparison, perpective

Sound mind and body: a healthy mind and body; unimpaired thought and understanding for oneself and one’s actions; intellectually and physically competent

Spouse: married partner of any gender

Taboo: here: a ban due to social customs, morals, values or as a protective system

Titilation: excite pleasurably, be fun

Testosterone: a hormone that is a hydroxy steroid ketone C19H28O2 produced especially by the testes

Torture: to cause suffering; to torment

Turn-on: slang for things you find attractive

Turn-off: slang for things you find unattractive

Unfettered: free from constraint, control or restrictions

Vulval vasalcongestion: Girls/women experience a correlate reaction of an erection in boys/men. The vaginal walls fill with blood (increased vascular blood flow) and result in swelling and secretion, a wetness.

Water: one of the four elements, representing emotions, feelings and the heart

Your last word: not a word but a signal. Some intimate situations limit the use of words. In this instance signals are agreed upon before the situation begins, to confirm comfort, safety, & consent.

For more information contact me or read more about me.