Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 64

Maintaining the Vibe

Priorities

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Why are we here?

“Energy is what I believe all of us are. We’re just conscious awareness dancing for itself for no other reason but to stay amused.”

Jim Carrey

Sean here! And, we are continuing our study of communication and our journey towards rapport, closeness, and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are reflecting on who we are and who we want to be with each other on our voyage together towards love, desire and understanding.

And while we are on our way, it is good to think about where and with whom we are actually going:

  • Where are we heading?  
  • Where do we want to be?
  • Who are we?
  • Who is by our side?
  • How do we get what we want?
  • Who do we want to be?
  • How do we keep things fresh and interesting?
  • When is enough enough?
  • Are we having a good time?
  • Why are we doing what we are doing?
  • Are we happy?

All of these questions are constantly being asked and answered consciously and unconsciously. In our relationships we find a version of ourselves reflected in our partners eyes and referenced in their comments. At the same time they find themselves reflected in our eyes and referenced in our comments. 

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Wants & Needs

You don’t get what you want. You get what you are.

Wayne Dyer

It is important for us to look and listen to our partners and ourselves in our relationships. On the one hand we want to be sure that we are being fair and honest in our expressions. On the other hand we want to our partners to understand and appreciate us as we are. In other words, we have the responsibility to take the time and make the effort to allow our partners and ourselves to understand and appreciate:

  • Who we are
  • What we think
  • How we feel
  • What is important to us
  • Why we do what we do

We can communicate these things through both words and actions. Actually, more important than taking the time is making the time and being in the moment. This allows us and our partners to comprehend and communicate clearly without misunderstandings. Being present allows us to hear, listen and process the thoughts and feelings of our partners and ourselves simultaneously.

Here & Now

Do not wait for life. Do not long for it. Be aware, always and at every moment, that the miracle is in the here and now.

Marcel Proust

Simply put, being in the moment and prioritizing ourselves, our significant others and our relationships helps us to appreciate and sustain the precious gifts we share with one another.  

Time, effort, intimacy, understanding and focus are the rewards we receive from one another when we allow and offer them ourselves. HHIA relationships are where we have the opportunity to explore, share and grow together.   In this vein, we find both our others and ourselves in relationship.

Photo by Karina Zamora on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try prioritizing yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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German Blog-lessons:

123

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 63

Maintaining the Vibe

Romancing

Romance:

1) to exaggerate or invent detail or incident

2) to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas

3) to try to influence or curry favor with someone through flattery, personal attention and/or gifts

4) to carry on a “love affair”

paraphrased from Merriam Webster

Sean, back again! We are expanding our investigation of our exchanges and quest for connection, affection, and passion in our HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are considering who we are and who we want to be with each other on our journey towards love, lust and appreciation with one another.

Our relationships are more than just making date, hanging out, and fooling around. Actually, a big part of our time and effort in our relationships is, at least in the beginning, about creating a feeling, encouraging affection, comfort and attraction of/from our significant partners and love interests. 💛

Photo by willow mcdonough on Scopio

A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.

Charlie Chaplin

Romance Recall

Most of us refer to or recall this as romance! On the one hand, the romantically challenged do their best not to miss romantic gestures completely or mistake them for humor, satire or sarcasm. On the other hand, the romantically gifted find flattery attention and gift giving to be an art and honor whether they are on the giving or receiving side of things at any given moment.  

However, most of us fall somewhere in between “challenged” and “gifted”. Put simply we find ourselves walking the fine line between fanaticism and fatigue where we find romance in all of its glory and gore! This puts us in the awkward and often unclear social, cultural and historical expectations which none of us can actually achieve and find ourselves falling short while at the same time our others find our efforts, errors and excitement quite endearing. These can include:

  • Lovenotes
  • Petnames
  • Flowers
  • First Date Recreations
  • Counting & Celebrating Days, Months & Years
  • Homemade Gifts
  • Chocolate
  • Selfie Shots
  • Ice Cream
  • Silly Kissy Faces
  • Birthday Surprises
  • Little Gifts
  • Grand Gestures
  • Emoji Love Spells
  • Intimate Texts
  • and so many other “love-bytes” we share

As our HHIA-Relationships devlop and transform from dating to living together, from living together to building a life together, and form building to sharing and maintaining a life together, things change. Some of the little things that brought us together can fall to the wayside as we saddle up and ride off into the sunset together.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Romantically Resistant

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

Sylvia Plath

Ultimately, this process can leave us feeling more bound and tied to one another than feeling connected, joined, or coupled. In other words, our united fronts and fixed relationship roles can leave us feeling unseen and isolated in our relationships and time together which can begin to suffer from an absence of expressed appreciation and spoken approval or voiced affection. 

Romantic Revival

When this happens, we are being invited to inspire ROMANCE in ourselves and our significant others! We are invited to again:

  • invent incidents
  • exxagerate detail
  • entertain romantic thoughts & ideas
  • flatter
  • give personal attention
  • and “curry favor”

with & from both our partners and ourselves.

This is not an instantaneous event or automatic effect. But there is great potential for fun and creativity, when we choose to make the effort. We can remember and reignite our passion potential.

I’m very romantic, I’m extremely romantic. I date my wife.

Alice Cooper
Photo by ethereal lenswork on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try to remember romance for yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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German Blog-lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 59

Remember

Photo by Juan Algar Carrascosa on Scopio

Motivation

This is Sean here. And we are exploring how we communicate and develop while searching for companionship, dedication, love, and HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are contemplating who we are and what we share with each other.

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

Our entire lives, we have been in relationships. (1)

First with our:  

  • Mothers
  • Fathers
  • Parents
  • Sisters
  • Brothers
  • Siblings
  • Families
  • Cousins
  • Grandparents
  • Teachers
  • Neighbors
  • Classmates …

Simply speaking, we have been learning and creating relationships the whole time without awareness, intention or effort. 

Photo by Lynne Bookey on Scopio

Reimagined

On the one hand we have been absorbing and experiencing relationship all around us. On the other hand we were never really given the opportunity to learn how to create the relationships we want and need.

The knowledge, skills and understanding needed to create and develop the relationship that encourage and support our individual growth, success and happiness.  

Additionally, we experience social and cultural pressure to perform and present our personalities and achievements, rather than express and trust ourselves honestly and openly with vulnerability and openness.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Out & About

As adults we are coaxed into leaving our parental home and explore the world, outside our comfort zones and our familial security. In this time of growth and discovery, we find ourselves yearning for understanding, comfort and support from those around us. 

Consequently, we begin to create new relationships and deal with both ourselves and others. All the while we are seeking approval, love and affection.

Our experience with ourselves, others and the world around us can be challenging and less than perfect. Ultimately, most of us discover:

  • Insecurity
  • Fears
  • Anxiety
  • Nervousness
  • Worries
  • Angst
  • Concerns

These in turn are expressed in our relationships to others and towards ourselves. In their expression we often experience unsatisfying and uncomfortable conversations and interactions with others which can reinforce our negative expectations. With practice, we can learn to communicate, trust and release the above as our awareness and relationships mature.  

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Simply put, our understanding of the world and ourselves blossoms and we strive for a stable foundation on which we can create new communication skills and approaches which support and encourage our happy healthy adult intimate (HHIA) relationships

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Think a bit about your motivations (and the motivations of those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 58

Creating His/Her-Story

Photo by Kenji Tanimura on Scopio

Sean here, back again! And, we are going to go one step further and look at how we express and process while pursuing camaraderie, commitment, affection, and HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are pondering who we are and what we share with each other.

From early childhood, we have been naming ourselves and others, telling stories, including recognizing, expressing and learning our truth and the truths of others and creating memories.

Time and Time Again

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Confucius
Photo by Bycovaag Gonzalez alonso on Scopio

Ultimately, as time passes these names, stories and truths are:

  • Created
  • Reimagined
  • Expressed
  • Received
  • Spoken
  • Appreciated
  • Voiced
  • Witnessed
  • Stated as Fact
  • Understood
  • Realized
  • Told
  • Heard
  • Declared
  • Imagined
  • Repeated

In other words, through our names, stories and memories we begin to create a history which we repeat and remember in our words, actions, and relationships.

As we meet people and experience them, we find and experience ourselves as well. These experiences are often filled with feelings and thoughts which encourage us to remember and retell our own and our shared stories to each other and to others. And with the others, we create (new) strories and shared experiences through the telling and hearing the others names, stories, and truths.

Photo by Brit Worgan on Scopio

Words and Actions

On the one hand, we express our attractions and attachment through our: anecdotes, narratives, and tales. On the other hand, our statements, descriptions and reports help us to identify and establish ourselves in the world and in our relationships.

History is a cyclic poem written by time upon the memories of man.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

In due course, our memories, truths, stories, and names come together to forge our understanding of ourselves and others including our her/history. In Fact, our her/history is a collection of his/her-stories including: 

  • Personal his/her-story
  • Family her/history
  • Academic his/her-story
  • Work her/history
  • Friendship his/her-story
  • Relationship her/history
  • Local his/her-story
  • National her/history
  • Cultural his/her-storyy
  • Social her/history
  • Human his/her-story

Bearing this in mind, we can better initiate and develop relationships with those around us and people we meet throughout our lives. Giving space to our individual, shared, and divergent histories can be a boon to our communication and connections to allow greater trust, understandnig and intmacy. 

Honor Ourselves and Others

Another advantage to this way of honoring ourselves and others is that we are able to approach each other with trust and faith. In other words we can meet in a state of belief and truth accepting ourselves and the others statements as part of us. We can, of course, further explore and examine our beliefs, memories and histories as an enriching and intimate experience rather than a competition to achieve or prove something that may or may not support us in relationship.  

The past is malleable and flexible, changing as our recollection interprets and re-explains what has happened.

Peter L. Berger
Photo by wijaya bhakti persada on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Share a bit of your history with yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 42

In Between

Relationship Rituals

This is Sean here and we are discovering how we create, maintan and support our HHIA relationships. We have looked at creating space with time and trust. This time we are going to deal with the simple and sublime ritual.

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Time and Trust

I believe in rituals.

Charles Simonyi

Rituals are a significant part of our lives. They allow us to focus and enhance our intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual states. Depending on the ritual and the intent we are able to grow and maintain connections, talents, skills and knowledge. In other words rituals are a vital and integral part of our lives.  

Daily, Weekly, Monthly

Our rituals range from daily to weekly, monthly and annually as well as once in a life time events. One the one hand rituals are part of our daily lives offer us structure and strength in a moment. On the other hand, rituals provide focus and systems to support us.

Rituals can be enjoyed both together or individually and can range from:

  • Snoozing
  • Making Coffee
  • Serving Tea
  • Breakfast / Brunch
  • Prayer
  • Yoga
  • Cooking
  • Locking the Door
  • Taking a Walk
  • Driving
  • Getting Together
  • Cleaning
  • Going online
  • Dancing
  • Dating
  • Baptisms
  • Birthdays
  • Weddings
  • Holidays
Photo by Süleyman Koç on Scopio

Just About Everything

Most of the things that we do can be ritualized and made more significant and sacred through our awareness and intention. When we make a date for example. We can intentionally choose a location that is special for us or for our date. We can be aware of the time and weather. Ideally, our choices and preparation help us to emotionally connect with the experience, our partners and ourselves in the moment.

Intent and Awareness

Through rituals we can find greater understanding of our selves and our partners. Rituals are also an opportunity to express our intellectual interest and emotional enthusiasm with regard to our HHIA relationships.

These can range from:

Initially, rituals can help us to focus our energies and intentions to a single goal or relationship. Over time, rituals help us to remain in sync and aware of our purpose and intentions within ourselves and our relationships. Ultimately, rituals help us to enhance and support our awareness and intentions through our days and lives.  

Rituals are important. Nowadays it’s hip not to be married. I’m not interested in being hip.

John Lennon
Photo by Jesse Pferdmenges on Scopio

Enthusiasm & Interest

This awareness and intention can support our enthusiasm and interest in our lives. We can also be rescued or liberated from habits, routine, addiction, and even boredom through ritual.

These rituals can also include incorporating romance into our lives and loves. We will consider romance in relationship next time.      

This is Sean. Try being aware of your intentions for yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 39

In Between

Photo by Michael Williams Astwood on Scopio

Living Space

Sean here and we are together again! Our last Blog-Lesson focused on making space for our relationships to grow and develop. Getting to know one another better.

Now lets look at making space and time in our lives when we are living together. Living a life together. After feeling each other out and deciding we fit together. In other words we choose to make a life together and begin to address some of the realer and truer sides of ourselves our partners and our lives.

Living Life Together

Subsequently, we begin to share a life. For some of us this includes moving in together and for some of us it means sharing two apartments, houses, living situations, and so. Either way we find ourselves sharing two lives. In this intimate phase of a relationship, we begin to form more routines and processes which begin to revolve around our daily lives, rather than around our building our relationships. 

Daily Lives

Photo by Bliss Floccare on Scopio

Often, the more time we spend together sharing our lives and our days, the more comfortable we become. People being creatures of comfort and habit can get really comfortable in our communal experiences. Our shared lives become “our life”. And if we aren’t careful our life can fill up with all the little things:

  • appointments
  • school
  • jobs
  • further education
  • commuting
  • traveling
  • shopping
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • volunteering
  • gardening
  • errands
  • laundry
  • dishes
  • bills
  • taxes

„Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.“

Lord Bramwell
Photo by Hayley Johnson on Scopio
  • parents
  • family
  • friends
  • holidays
  • pets
  • children
  • website/blog
  • career…

Leaving less time and less room for romance.

On the one hand “our life” gets bigger and fuller. On the other hand our HHIA Relationships can be left to fend for itself. And, without enough attention our relationships can get lost in the shuffle or be left out in the cold without us even noticing.

Putting „us“ first… or at least back on the list

Photo by harold polvorosa on Scopio

So, how do we make space and time for us this great big life we have created?

I know we have heard this before, and yet:

The simple truth is we choose to make time and space for each other. This is true in every relationship form: friends, family, romance, business, partnership and marriage from day one to our diamond anniversaries and beyond!

Communication is key: Check out Blogs 25, 26, 37 and 38 to refresh. 😉

Science is not only a disciple of reason but, also, one of romance and passion.

Stephen Hawking

Five Minutes a Day

Here are a few 5-minute exercises to try together (daily, in silence, & preferably mobile/tablet free):

Just do something together in silence every day, when you can!

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Spontaneity is great! However, planning, scheduling and deciding together helps to create purpose intent and awareness which enhances the effect of our togetherness.

All of this helping to create, maintain, encourage and support a physical, bodily comfort and intimacy.  

This is Sean. Try doing something with yourself (and to those who are important to you) in silence for 5 minutes every day this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 34

When, Where, How…

Photo by Chris Verster on Scopio

Back to the in Between (2)

…and we are back. Sean here with you reviewing our options and strategies for creating, maintaining and/or supporting (repairing) our HHIA Relationships.

Our current relationship status is irrelevant. It is important that we want to make our relationships a priority.

In Time

If we are not in a relationship, then we need to consider who we would like give our time and attention to explore the possibilities.

If we are in a relationship then we want to think about the focus of our time together and apart from our boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, and/or partners.

Photo by Miguel Mimoso on Scopio

On Time…

Time is as much a part of our relationships as love, affection and communication.

On the one hand the time we spend together allows us to share love and affection, as well as, to communicate and share ourselves on the other hand the time we spend together has both limits and boundaries and the quality of our time is affected by the choices we make.

For example, if we only have an hour together, do we:

  • Cook and eat
  • order in or grab a bite
  • watch TV
  • read silently together
  • read to each other
  • play a game
  • play music
  • drink a glass of ….
  • talk
  • have a laugh
  • make love
Photo by valentina alvarez on Scopio

No right or wrong 

There is no right/wrong answer. The right answer is what makes you feel closer to your partner: Do you like to play games? Are you foodies? Do you enjoy a good book or poetry? Is music your creative outlet? Are you both cineasts? Can you go on and on about… Are you always in the mood.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Theophrastus

As long as you are both “on the same page”. It brings you together. It is important to incorporate a bit of confirmation and communication to ensure that “our time” remains fresh and inspiring to both ourselves and our partners.      

Photo by Michael Williams Astwood on Scopio

Quick Question

Sometimes just a quick:

  • Is this good for you?
  • Are you having fun?
  • Are you feeling this?
  • Would you like to do something else?

can be enough! These can go along way to ensure that our time is encouraging intimacy and togetherness rather than filling the void or space between us.

We can also talk about what we do and what we like and what is on our minds. This is especially true if we begin to feel like we are not enjoying our time an our togetherness as much as we used to. This is also true if we begin to wonder “why?”.

In other words, if we begin to get/be used to each other or our activities begin to be more habit than inspiration, we might want to change things up or at least discuss our feelings.  

Photo by Sarah Hammond on Scopio

Attention

When we give out time the attention it deserves we can help to ensure that the time we are able and choose to spend with others encourages and supports the relationships and feelings we have about those with whom we spend our time.

Thus, time is as much an aspect of relationship building and intimacy as much as we allow time for our relationships and intimate experiences.

Using our time is one thing.

Making time is another.

We will tackle this next time.

This is Sean. Try just enjoying your time alone (and with those around you) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.

Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Photo by Anastasiia Rybalko on Scopio
Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 27

Active Listening

Sean, here again: Are you listening? We have been talking about actively expressing ourselves and now we are going to talk about active listening. 

Photo by Kasha Perry on Scopio

One word, one thought at a time

Right after expressing ourselves, comes paying attention to the response of others to our expressions. On the one hand we are responsible for sharing ourselves, our thoughts and our feelings and on the other hand we have the opportunity to experience another’s self, thoughts and feelings when we actively listen.

Dialogue

If we take the opportunity and handle it with care. We can allow a conversation to become a true dialogue. Where we actively support our conversation partner and allow them to share in a safe space.

Photo by Justin Reyes on Scopio

Actively Passive

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.

Zeno of Citium, as quoted by Diogenes Laërtius

Essentially taking the communication ideas from Blog-Lesson 25 & 26 and applying them to listening rather than speaking:

  • Eye contact,
  • Body language,
  • making I statements like I am hearing…, I understand….
  • Asking suitable questions

Passively active

Further techniques to encourage our partners to share include:

  • Patience,
  • Smiling,
  • Mirroring,
  • Paraphrasing,
  • Neutral Responses,
  • Reflecting,
  • Summarizing
  • More…
Photo by Gabriela Fonseca on Scopio

Benefits

One of the greatest benefits of actively listening is being able to understand and really hear your conversation partner. In other words, you create a space in time where and when you are both able to hear and be heard in a way that encourages trust, support, intimacy and authenticity.

Hence the beginning of establishing potential for more, more conversation, more intimacy and even more authenticity.

If you are ready, willing and able to actively listen, then perhaps you are also ready willing and able to authentically share a dialogue with the ones you are with.

I encourage you to take a chance and make a moment to try out some of these techniques with someone you care about. See how is goes. I would love to hear about your process.

This is Sean signing off.

Your thoughts? Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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looking inward through the lights
Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 25

Photo by Ghassan Hannoof on Scopio

Express yourself (1)

Here we are again! This is Sean and I am here to say “We are on our way!” If you have been following this Blog-Lesson series then you have done the work on yourself with yourself! Consequently, we are now ready to share what we have learned and who we are with the world. In other words it is time to consider and explore communication.

I contact – eye contact.

Do you look people in the eye? If you want someone’s attention, give it a try. People are attracted to and captivated by our eyes. Their shape, color and sparkle.

Photo by Pierrick VAN-TROOST on Scopio

“I like you; your eyes are full of language.“

[Letter to Anne Clarke, July 3, 1964.]”
Anne Sexton

On one hand our eyes are one of our most sensitive sensory organs. On the on other hand our eyes are connected directly to our brains. In other words, they are also the window to our souls. They show us how we are feeling and express something beyond words. 

Mirror

Exercise1: Start with yourself..

  • Look at yourself in the mirror
  • Look directly at your eyes
  • Observe their shape and their color  
  • Can you see the whites of your eyes?
  • Roll your eyes and look at how they move
  • Watch them move, what do you see
  • Peek deeper into your eyes
  • See your pupils are they big, small or in between…
  • Look at your irises: blue, grey, green, golden or dark brown 
  • Look for the fire, the glint the energy and enthusiasm.
  • Smile!!
  • Look again and see the smile in your eyes.

Everyone else sees this too! At least those who are paying attention. Get people attention by looking into their eyes. 

An Eye for an Eye

Experiment: Start with friends, family, neighbors and co-workers. You will find they will notice, listen and be more attentive to you when you take a moment, stop and look them in the eye. Additionally, this seemingly small action encourages respect and consideration of the message and presence of others.

I look forward to hearing about your experiences.

Body Body

We have talked about caring for our bodies and hygiene. We have explored how our bodies feel and how we feel when we touch our own bodies. Hence, it is time to consider our bodies are also one of our first transmitters of information and communication. Furthermore, our bodies are a communication tool.  

Photo by Mariafernanda Danzè on Scopio

Mirror Mirror

Exercise 2: Find a full-length mirror.

  • Stand in front of the mirror.  
  • Look at yourself.
  • Turn to the left.
  • Look again.
  • Turn to the right.
  • Look again.
  • Spin all the way around while looking at yourself

What do you see? How is your posture? Where are your shoulders arm, hands? Are you standing up straight or slouching? Do you feel balanced? Are you stable on four feet/in your shoes? Do you like what you have on? Do you have anything on? Are you alone in private or in a public space?  

Strike a Pose

Photo by Chukwuebuka Mordi on Scopio

A good stance and posture reflect a proper state of mind.

Morihei Ueshiba

Exercise3: Posture

  • Stand in front of the mirror.  
  • Look at yourself straight on.
  • Lift up your chin and look up.
  • Bring your eyes back down.
  • Lower your chin until it is parallel to the ground.
  • Looking at yourself roll your shoulder upwards and backwards until the sit slightly behind your armpits. Feel your body.
  • Pull in your stomach and push your hips forwards.
  • Observe yourself.
  • How do you look now?

Do you see a difference? How much of a difference? Do you like the difference? Each of these exercises can be done with or without a mirror. And can help us to be more aware of how we present ourselves to others in our surroundings. Try lifting your chin and rolling your shoulders before addressing a family member or a colleague and look them in the eye. See if this affects how the react and respond to you in the moment. 

Let me know 😊 what you think.

That is all for this time. Three exercises and two experiments are more than enough for one read. I wish you all the best in your explanations and communications. This is Sean “Be nice to you, please.”

Your thoughts? Till next time! Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 22

Body (1)

Here is Sean, back again. This time we are going to get out of our heads a bit and explore our own bodies and how they look and feel.

It is important for us to recognize, know and understand our bodies and how they/we respond to external information and impulses.

Photo by Ivan Naunov on Scopio

Similarly, to our minds, thoughts and emotional memories, our bodies have memories as well.

Body Memory

In other words, our bodies remember both “positive/pleasurable/happy” and “negative/painful/traumatic” memories.  This suggests that our pleasure and our feelings of attraction, excitement pleasure may be related to actual physical events we have experienced in our pasts. These events may or may not have been intentional or directly related to our intimate lives.

Our experience of the body is not direct; rather, it is mediated by perceptual information, influenced by internal information, and recalibrated through stored implicit and explicit body representation (body memory).

Giuseppe Riva, Cortex
Volume 104, July 2018, Pages 241-260

Therefore, I am going to describe a few exercises to help us access knowledge and understanding of our own bodies. Read each exercise to the end of the description before you begin. Then as you remember the exercise, experience it for yourself.

Photo by Sonya Peacocke on Scopio

Body-Scan

  • Sit comfortably or lie down.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Think about your feet and be aware of your toes for a moment…relax
  • Think about and be aware of your ankles for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your calves for a moment and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your knees for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your thighs for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your hips for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your buttocks for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your pelvis for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your lower back for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your stomach for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your chest for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your upper-back for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your hands for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your forearms for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your elbows for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your upper arms for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your shoulders for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your neck for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your Jaw for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your tongue for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your chin for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your lips for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your nose for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your eyes for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your forehead for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your whole face for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your ears for a moment…and relax
  • Think about and be aware of your head for a moment…and relax
  • And now, be aware of your whole body for a moment…and relax
  • Well Done! Now you are in your body, relaxed and aware.
Photo by Ghassan Hannoof on Scopio

Hands

Now, I want you to hold your hands. How do they feel? Are they warm or cold? Are they damp or dry? In other words, do you like how they feel? What are you aware of?

  • Now, hold them tighter,
  • now lighter,
  • cross your finger together.
  • Feel your hands,
  • touch your fingernails with your fingers,
  • lightly press your palms together,
  • touch the back of your dominant hand, caress your “submissive” hand.
  • Consider how they feel to you, as well as, how your touch feels.
  • Switch hands and experience the process again.
Photo by Juan Pablo Lopez Rostro on Scopio

Heart

Again, sitting or lying down.

  • Lay your hands on your chest. In the middle over your heart/breastbone.
  • Let them lay there.
  • Breathe.
  • Feel your chest move as your lungs fill with air…
  • and exhale. Feal your chest as you exhale.
  • Do this for about a minute minute.
  • Be aware of your breath and your chest.
  • Now notice your hands.

Importantly, how do your hands feel? Are they heavy or light, warm or cool? Which hand is on your chest and which is on your hand?  

(The lists, exercises, and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

My Body: Instructions on how to find, build, maintain, repair, and/or improve your Healthy (Happy) Intimate HHIA Relationships with yourself and others.
Photo by Marjon Paul Barnezo on Scopio

Enough 4 Now

Ultimately, I think we have done enough exploration for now. If you want more or have something to share please contact me. This is Sean saying „Be Safe, Love Yourself and Be Well!“ Till next time!

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