„RESPECT, just a little bit…“
Sean back again and with your permission we are going to talk about consent, communication, and consideration.
Consent begins with communication and consideration. The concept of “two equal partners” in an “objective” situation communicating, and considering a positive (YES) response to a question or request being just as acceptable as a negative (NO) response.
Consent is a very simple concept, and at the same time quite complicated in practice. So, let’s go back to our parameters from Blog-Lesson 1. Take a minute and review, if you wish. With these in mind, we can look at „the who of consent“.
Who can consent?
- An adult can consent.
- An equal can consent.
- A lucid adult who is an equal can consent.
- A lucid, equal with a sound mind and body can request and consent to intimacy.
Since the world is constantly spinning, our understanding of power, equality, objectivity, yes, and no tend to be in a constant changeability and are influenced by both internal and external factors including history, experience and emotions.
Yours, Mine, Ours
In this sense, your consent is dependent on your last word.* In other words, your consent is always timely, subjective and fluid. You can change your consent at every moment. If you ever feel uncomfortable, unsafe or… for any reason. You can always change your mind and change your consent.
My consent is the same
Our consent is a combination of both our expression to (spoken) and our recognition of (listening to) one another.
Communicating, being listened to and considered are the foundations of building trust and, consequently, feelings of intimacy, and the desire for more interaction.
Yes and no are of equal value and should be heard, listened to, and respected immediately. In this way both our internal dialogue, gut feelings, moods and our communication with our partners need to be considered and acted upon as immediately and honestly as possible. This furthers our ability to trust and feel safe in vulnerable and intimate situations.
With your permission
Consent is synonymous with agreement, approval, harmony and willingness, to name a few. So, you could say we are all constantly seeking consent to improve our lives, feelings and situations. And the best way to get it is to ask for it. This is a good place to stop and reflect. Maybe have a conversation.