Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 46

Balance

In Between

Photo by Abhishek Mittal on Scopio

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

Sean here again! I am back. In the last few Lesson-Blogs we have been exploring some of the ways we connect and encourage intimacy and our HHIA Relationships, including rituals, romance and excitement.

Meeting in the Middle

Once we have established first contact and followed through with first dates, building a bit of devotion and intimacy, it is important for us to meet our partners in the middle. In other words, and getting together and finding a partner is about finding someone with who we can meet in the middle and find balance with.

On the one hand we want to be ourselves and be supported and appreciated. On the other hand, we want our partners to feel safe and encouraged to be themselves and feel supported and appreciated.

„Next to love, balance is the most important thing.“

John Wooden
Photo by Daniela Acero on Scopio

Meet me in the middle

Where do we find balance? Ultimately, we create balance with every choice we make as a both as individuals and as couples:

  • Mine or Yours
  • Going out
  • Staying in
  • Being together
  • Being apart
  • Listening
  • Speaking
  • Bed time
  • Entertainment
  • Food
  • Drink
  • Affection
  • Cleaning
  • Cooking
  • Music
  • Intimacy
  • … Among others
Photo by Rudorwashe Tariro Dziva on Scopio

To begin with, we want to create expectations which both we and our partners can meet. Simply, we want to express our interests and desires to each other. Keeping our expectations and ideals grounded in reality and communication. Again, honesty and candor around our wishes and desires can help us to find the right mix as a couple.

No compromise

Actually, this is about a give and take, experimentation, taking risk and finding rewards with each other. This interaction and exploration encourages us to be even closer and find solutions that work for us.  Strictly speaking, cooperation rather than compromise sets the course for balance in a HHIA Relationship.  

The truth is balance. However the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie.

Susan Sontag

Love Work Balance

Finding a balance is about finding where we are and figuring out where we want to be. When we are feeling out of balance in our relationships, it is important to consider both “where we are” in relation to our partners at the moment and “How did we get here?”. Specifically, we want to consider our choices, actions and reactions that have brought us to this imbalance.  

Photo by Hanny Hsian on Scopio

Seesaw effect

Equilibrium and stability are in constant flux and interaction. Especially as we interact with each other, our responsibilities, our plans, society and the rest of the world. Conversely, the more we try to square, even out, equalize and settle the chaos we often lose sight of the natural ebb and flow of our relationships. This can also be true in our lives in general.

It’s all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.

Andrew Bernstein
Photo by Miguel Mimoso on Scopio

This is Sean. Try allowing yourself (and those who are important to you) to go with the ebb and flow of your relationships this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Jump
Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 45

In Between

Exciting & New

We are back! This is Sean. And we are going to revel in the excitement, eagerness and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.

Photo by Eveline Gerritsen on Scopio

Lets get excited!

From first contact to our last breath, our HHIA relationships can be full of stimulation and excitement. In fact, this is true for most if not all of our intimate relationships.

Opposites Attract

Like magnetes we are attracted to those who are different from ourselves. Actually, this is essentially always true, because no matter how similar we are to our partners, we are in relationship with another being. Others catch our eye, whether in pictures or in person, through a look, a gesture, or, perhaps, an attitude. And, we do the same to others.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Sparks Fly

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.”

Gloria Steinem

Initially the attraction can feel like electricity or butterflies and as we get closer the feeling of attraction and bond tend to grow. As we learn and experience more and more about our partners, we begin to appreciate and look forward to even more. This is the natural progressive cycle of anticipation & interest and fulfillment & pleasure. Simultaneously, this cycle can occur in the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of our relationships and experience.  

Magnetic Personality

As our bonds become stronger and our knowledge and understanding of one another increases, we are able to express and experience even greater levels of pleasure and delight through our relationship. In other words, like a transistor which starts with a spark, warms up and increases through the development of an electronic field, our relationships often start with a spark, warm up and increase through a give and take and the development of an intellectual, emotional, physical and even a spiritual environment which encourages all partners to enjoy themselves and each other. 

Partner Delight

Photo by Miguel Mimoso on Scopio

Ultimately, this environment and situation transforms into our lives and our HHIA relationships become a central aspect. Unfortunately, the initial spark and newness of our experiences can fall prey to our daily lives, routines, practices habits, and schedules. These tend to separate, lower our energy, attractions and connections to our both our partners and ourselves. Through ritual, romance and humor we can avoid this and encourage each other to pursue greater enthusiasm and elation.

A few examples which can be enjoyed together include: 

  • Making time just to be together
  • Sharing an activity or hobby regularly
  • Going for a walk
  • Enjoying a meal
  • Having a conversation about something that interests you
  • Listening to music
  • Reading the same book  
  • In non-pandemic times:
  • Dancing
  • Exploring new places/spaces
  • Traveling
  • Going out (to dinner or on the town)
Photo by Anett Fodor on Scopio

Scheduled Spontaneity  

“Never marry a person who is not a friend of your excitement.”

Nathaniel Branden, The Psychology of Romantic Love

Making plans and scheduling time for each other encourages us to think about and look forward to being together.  On the one hand, we have reserved time to be together. On the other hand, we are creating a space where we can enjoy our company and companionship. This is much more thrilling than going through our days and passing one another on our way to work, doing errands, etc.

Essentially, making the effort and expressing interest and an eagerness to enjoy our partner’s company encourages them to do and feel similarly. Exploring and recognizing how our dates, partners, and spouses respond to our ideas, suggestions and plans can elevate our ability to find where, when and how we can best enjoy each other. This is also true of our physical expressions of affection and attractions. Meeting our partners needs and desires while expressing our own needs and desires with openness and attention can greatly increase our potential for everyone’s pleasure.

That never stops. That’s what drives you: the joy and excitement of doing what you love.

Jerry Lewis
Photo by Pablo Nacimiento on Scopio

This is Sean. Try enjoying yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 44

Relationships & The In Between

A laughing matter

Photo by Albert Morcillo on Scopio

Live. Love. Laugh. – Not necessarily in that order. Sean here again. We are back to the business of building, maintaining and/or repairing our HHIA Relationships.

Rituals were on the menu last time. And now, we are up for a good time and creating an environment where we feel like laughing, smiling or maybe just smirking.  

Laugh Love Life

Photo by Sabrina Pineda on Scopio

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.”

Charlie Chaplin

Just for the record, laughter is love-ly in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, smiles are sensational and even a smirk is something special. In other words, smiles and laughter are universal, collective and best when collaborative.  

Smiling not only affects our face. Truth be told, when we smile, the muscles we use to smile affect the chemistry in our brains (it takes at least 30 seconds). Smiling makes us happier. At the same time, smiles make us more attractive and approachable.

Jahahaha

Photo by GaminTraveler on Scopio

And, where does laughter come from? Babies laugh and coo right from the start. Although, some experts suggest this is just a bit of gas, new researchers suggest humor starts to form far earlier than most theories of humor currently admit. The body is „laughing“ on it’s own. So, perhaps, laughter springs from existence and being alive. As we grow up, we learn more about humor, comedy, wit, sarcasm, farce and hilarity to the point of absurdity. This can all be learnt and discovered both, directly and indirectly.

Where exactly do we find humor and laughs?

  • Jokes
  • Jests
  • Puns
  • Wordplay
  • Wit
  • Commentary
  • Parody
  • Spoofs
  • Mimes
  • Comics
  • Satirists
  • Stories
Photo by Ha Yi on Scopio

Funny Bunny

Photo by Alexa Martinez on Scopio

On the one hand we hear puns, jokes, anecdotes and funny tales of adventure. Think of Bugs Bunny, Daffy, or perhaps, the Coyote. We are all able to find and create the fun and the funny when we allow our imaginations and ideas to run wild, wierd, off-the-wall and wily. On the other hand, we can experience humor all around us when we acknowledge it. As with rituals, intent and awareness are essential to a good sense of, let’s say, humor.

„If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.“

Marilyn Monroe

Oh, Ho Ho

Photo by Ira Mironyak on Scopio

Actually, laughing is a great stress reliever and used in therapeutic settings to encourage the immune system and reduce tension. Actually, smiling also has quite a few positive personal benifits as well. In our HHIA Relationships the same results can be seen .

Lightening the mood and letting us relax, laughter and humor can be really effective for establishing a bond. This bond establishes our similitude. Ultimately, being on par with one another encourages us to share and advances our feelings of intimacy and trust.  In other words, being in on the joke or sharing a funny thought with our significant others allows them to feel closer to us and share more of themselves as well.

Har Har Har

Ultimately, we want to be sure that our partners, friends and lovers understand that they are in on it! We are all laughing together with each other; not at each other. This is an essential aspect of bonding and creating safe spaces for all of us to open up and share the lust and love for each other and ourselves in a fun, intimate, and even sometimes silly space!

This is Sean. Try laughing at yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

Photo by Brit Worgan on Scopio

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 43

In Between

Ritual Romance

Sean here! And after our jaunt into relationship rituals last time, we are back. As I suggested, we are going to look at romance, romantic rituals and ritual romance in our HHIA Relationships and our lives in general.

To start, romance, love relationships and rituals are all separate and can be combined in a million different ways. Each of our HHIA relationships have a unique blend of these four elements. Every relationship is unique and our combination of relationship, romance, ritual and love are one of a kind.

Photo by Kemal Mehmet on Scopio

Definitions

For reference, let’s consider the definition of romance. According to Merriam-Webster romance is “a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural”. And just for the record, this is not a practical expectation in our relationships. A more realistic definition might be „a love affair“.

Romance

Each of us has a different and unique relationship to romance. And let’s be clear, romance, although often confused with love, is not love. In real life true romance is not an escape but rather supports our lives, our truths and our relationships.

Specifically, “Hollywood Romance”, “Romance Novels” and most of what our society sells as “ROMANCE” is at best a supernatural fantasy no one can live up to. At worst “ROMANCE” is a medieval legend that makes us feel less than; less than our peers, partners and friends.

Photo by Òscar Penelo on Scopio

Romantic Notions

Secondly, butterflies, rainbows, and seing stars are great when they are great and even more so when they are mutual. Otherwise, they can distract us from the truth that we are creating trust and intimacy with another adult human being.

In other words, the things that turn my head, put a smile on my lips and a skip in my step may not be the same as my partner or you. I would suggest that the most romantic thing we can do is to meet our partners where they are and engage them as they need and want to be engaged. Listening and responding to their needs and desires is the most considerate and threfore romantic gesture we can offer. Always try to keep your partners in mind.

“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are a bourbon biscuit.”

Frida Kahlo
Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Romance4Real

On the one hand, our intentions and expectations are built on our experiences, understanding and awareness. On the other, our partners intentions and expectations are built on their experiences, understanding and awareness. Finding the in between is where we can build intimacy and even promote our own unique romance when we desire it and recognize it for what it is.

Romantic Rituals

Romance in the day to day includes making coffee and/or drinking the coffee that is made. Any number of chores, tasks or jobs that support our partners as well as recognizing their efforts to do the same. These are the true romantic gestures in our daily lives.

Photo by Maritza Hernandez on Scopio

Daily romantic rituals can include:

  • Notes
  • Texts
  • Emojis
  • “I love you” s  
  • Making coffee
  • Quick calls
  • Snuggling on the sofa
  • Cooking
  • Kisses
  • Hand holding
  • Doing a little dance
  • Sitting together for a minute or two

All the many things that make you feel closer to each other.

Photo by Cristian Vera on Scopio

“We loved with a love that was more than love.”

Edgar Allen Poe

Real Life Romance

Ultimately, our individual HHIA Relationships can be infused with romantic rituals from anniversaries to date nights and coffee in bed to foot massage Friday. It is up to you to determine together which rituals are best for you and your partners.

The variety can include:

  • Going to dinner
  • Cooking dinner
  • Reading to one another
  • Reading in silence together
  • Brunching together
  • Time together
  • Time apart
  • Going for a drive together
  • Working out together
  • Shopping together
  • Buying flowers
  • Sitting together
  • Holding hands
  • Doing the laundry together     

An important aspect of romantic rituals is that all parties involved understand and acknowledge the intimacy & trust building happening. This, intention and awareness, helps us to avoid habits and patterns that reduce our feelings of togetherness and intimacy.

We all deserve to be met where we are by someone who recognizes and accepts us as we are. This is real romance.  

Photo by Olga Shpak on Scopio

This is Sean. Try being aware of your romantic intentions for yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 42

In Between

Relationship Rituals

This is Sean here and we are discovering how we create, maintan and support our HHIA relationships. We have looked at creating space with time and trust. This time we are going to deal with the simple and sublime ritual.

Photo by Sudeep Sathyan on Scopio

Time and Trust

I believe in rituals.

Charles Simonyi

Rituals are a significant part of our lives. They allow us to focus and enhance our intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual states. Depending on the ritual and the intent we are able to grow and maintain connections, talents, skills and knowledge. In other words rituals are a vital and integral part of our lives.  

Daily, Weekly, Monthly

Our rituals range from daily to weekly, monthly and annually as well as once in a life time events. One the one hand rituals are part of our daily lives offer us structure and strength in a moment. On the other hand, rituals provide focus and systems to support us.

Rituals can be enjoyed both together or individually and can range from:

  • Snoozing
  • Making Coffee
  • Serving Tea
  • Breakfast / Brunch
  • Prayer
  • Yoga
  • Cooking
  • Locking the Door
  • Taking a Walk
  • Driving
  • Getting Together
  • Cleaning
  • Going online
  • Dancing
  • Dating
  • Baptisms
  • Birthdays
  • Weddings
  • Holidays
Photo by Süleyman Koç on Scopio

Just About Everything

Most of the things that we do can be ritualized and made more significant and sacred through our awareness and intention. When we make a date for example. We can intentionally choose a location that is special for us or for our date. We can be aware of the time and weather. Ideally, our choices and preparation help us to emotionally connect with the experience, our partners and ourselves in the moment.

Intent and Awareness

Through rituals we can find greater understanding of our selves and our partners. Rituals are also an opportunity to express our intellectual interest and emotional enthusiasm with regard to our HHIA relationships.

These can range from:

Initially, rituals can help us to focus our energies and intentions to a single goal or relationship. Over time, rituals help us to remain in sync and aware of our purpose and intentions within ourselves and our relationships. Ultimately, rituals help us to enhance and support our awareness and intentions through our days and lives.  

Rituals are important. Nowadays it’s hip not to be married. I’m not interested in being hip.

John Lennon
Photo by Jesse Pferdmenges on Scopio

Enthusiasm & Interest

This awareness and intention can support our enthusiasm and interest in our lives. We can also be rescued or liberated from habits, routine, addiction, and even boredom through ritual.

These rituals can also include incorporating romance into our lives and loves. We will consider romance in relationship next time.      

This is Sean. Try being aware of your intentions for yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 41

Creating space: trust

Sean here, back and ready to explore more. We have looked at creating space for our relationships through time. Taking time and making time. We have gone though introductions, first dates, dating, in relationship and living under the same roof. All of these require awareness and time to create, maintain and enhance our HHIA relationships.

J.M. Barrie “All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

On the one hand time is essential to our togetherness. On the other hand, we need more than just time to create intimacy. A sense of security and safe spaces need to be created, shared and enjoyed to develop intimacy in our relationships. And all of this is built on trust.

Photo by Joaquin Vallejo on Scopio

Trust yourself

Hence trust is one of the first building blocks and the foundation of all our relationships. In other words trust is one of the most essential aspects of happy and healthy relationships as well as a significant aspect of intimacy and well-being.

It is important that we trust our ourselves and our partners and that our partners trust us. So, how do we make this happen? We start with:

  • Paying attention
  • Being there
  • Saying what we do 
  • Doing what we say
  • Taking time
  • Asking questions
  • Making time
  • Telling the truth
  • Trusting ourselves
  • Bargaining
  • Making eye contact
  • Opening up
  • Answering questions
  • Showing interest
  • Communicating
  • Meeting our partners where they are; emotionally, physically intellectually, spiritually

Initially, we create a connection. Then over time we strengthen this bond through give & take, trust, communication, and cooperation. Ultimately, we establish trust and security which allows us to feel free to be ourselves, pursue our goals and be the best we can be both individually and together.

Photo by Abhishek Yadav on Scopio

Simply the Best

Ideally, both you and your partner/s support your best selves and can still grow together as your goals and plans consolidate into one. However, this is often a complex process we do simultaneously as we grow individually as well. This is where give & take and trust become vital. We sustain ourselves and our relationships with communication and cooperation.  

Often, as humans, we experience less than ideal moments, decisions, situations and choices. In these moments we can loose sight of our relationship, our relationships goals and advantages. Simultaneously, we find ourselves feeling unsafe or unappreciated and underwhelmed or unsure.  

In…. we trust

In a twinkling of an eye/blink of an eye we can lose the connection, security, and/or intimacy we share. We become you and me. You and I have the option to reestablish our togetherness or resign ourselves to this isolating moment.

In this instant we are tasked with a choice. The choice to trust or to doubt. Depending on our history the focus of this trust and/or doubt can be ourselves, our partner/s or relationship, our choices, our existence and so on. In a single moment and in a history of single moments we create memories and feelings that either support or hinder our trusting natures. In truth we are all experience dishonesty, loss and disappointment at different points in our lives. How we learn and grow through disappointment and loss has a great effect on our HHIA relationships.   

Photo by Joaquin Vallejo on Scopio

Most importantly, communication is the key to positive expression and growth through negative events and experiences. Check out Blog-Lessons 25, 26, 37 and 38 to refresh. 😉

Often that communication can be unspoken or silent: Experiment with 5-Minute Exercises in #39.

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The choice is yours

Choosing to trust is a dynamic and spirited choice which can offer more options and opportunity than doubt. This includes trust in:

This is true in all the relationships we experience throught our lives.

This is Sean. Try trusting yourself (and to those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 40

In Between Each Other

Living Together (5)

Sean still here! And right now, we are going to take a look at moving in together and living under one roof. This is a direction many of our relationships take and is supported whole heartily by many of our societies, cultures and traditions, including marriages.

Simultaneously a wonder to explore and a challenge for ourselves and our partners/friends/spouses/families to embrace. In this moment we begin to share not only our lives but our communal space and time as well. 

Photo by Kristina Borzova on Scopio

Under One Roof

In other words, our sharing becomes shared and our lives tend become a life while our intimacy expands into our daily lives and infuses our time and space with our partners. On the one hand, this can be very comforting. On the other hand, challenges to our patience and understanding are built in to the permanence and constant communal existence. We discover that we are together:

  • at home
  • in the living room
  • on the balcony
  • on the sofa
  • in the kitchen
  • at the stove
  • in the fridge
  • in bed
  • at dinner
  • at breakfast
  • in the middle of the night
  • in the bathroom
  • under the shower
  • in the mirror
  • everywhere
  • every day of the week.
Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Joan Crawford

Home… Hearth

This coexistence and cohabitation can simultaneously intensify our feelings and challenge our relationships. However, we find ourselves in an intensified reality with limited opportunity for privacy, solitude or retreat.

Hence, how do we maintain, enjoy and find joy in our relationships while sharing our lives, our space, our time and our privacy? In other words, what happens to our relationships when we cohabitate?

Notice the Pandemic…

And these questions have been intensified by over a year of social isolation and distancing. Most of us who have been living with our partners/spouses from the beginning of the current pandemic are still here and still surviving and thriving as best we can. As are our friends, lovers and families who live alone or with roommates! AND IT IS OK – to do the best we can. Speaking to each other, to a confidant and to ourselves, and Laughing out loud helps a lot: 😊😊 Smiling does too!

Photo by April Lawrence on Scopio

Good News

Strategies, action and awareness can be employed at any time in our relationships to improve, refresh, expand, intensify and enhance our experiences with each other. One way to explore this is to take time for each other together. Check out the 5-Minute Exercises (Last Blog-Lesson)!! 😊

Love is a decision…not an emotion

Lao Tzu

Only Good News

When we actively choose to be together and communicate with each other, every and any challenge can be met, addressed and overcome. Often with good humor, happy thoughts and warm fuzzy feelings.  

A few daily options include:

  • Touching
  • Holding hands
  • Smiling at each other
  • Air kisses, light kisses, long kisses
  • Hugging with your eyes closed
  • Saying “I like you” – „I appreciate you“ – “I love you”
  • Hugging with your eyes open
  • Sharing flowers: real and digital
  • Sharing compliments
  • Saying „I am sorry“ – „I understand“ – „It’s my fault“ – I’ll try“
  • Talking to each other
  • Dancing together
  • Sitting in silence
  • Being together, on purpose
Photo by Andrii Omelnytskyi on Scopio

Communicating

Most important is to find and share the things we enjoy and like about each other and support and encourage those things. Most of the others are less significant and inconsequential when they are address, clarified and understood.

This is Sean. Try saying nice things to yourself (and to those who are important to you) every day this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 39

In Between

Photo by Michael Williams Astwood on Scopio

Living Space

Sean here and we are together again! Our last Blog-Lesson focused on making space for our relationships to grow and develop. Getting to know one another better.

Now lets look at making space and time in our lives when we are living together. Living a life together. After feeling each other out and deciding we fit together. In other words we choose to make a life together and begin to address some of the realer and truer sides of ourselves our partners and our lives.

Living Life Together

Subsequently, we begin to share a life. For some of us this includes moving in together and for some of us it means sharing two apartments, houses, living situations, and so. Either way we find ourselves sharing two lives. In this intimate phase of a relationship, we begin to form more routines and processes which begin to revolve around our daily lives, rather than around our building our relationships. 

Daily Lives

Photo by Bliss Floccare on Scopio

Often, the more time we spend together sharing our lives and our days, the more comfortable we become. People being creatures of comfort and habit can get really comfortable in our communal experiences. Our shared lives become “our life”. And if we aren’t careful our life can fill up with all the little things:

  • appointments
  • school
  • jobs
  • further education
  • commuting
  • traveling
  • shopping
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • volunteering
  • gardening
  • errands
  • laundry
  • dishes
  • bills
  • taxes

„Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.“

Lord Bramwell
Photo by Hayley Johnson on Scopio
  • parents
  • family
  • friends
  • holidays
  • pets
  • children
  • website/blog
  • career…

Leaving less time and less room for romance.

On the one hand “our life” gets bigger and fuller. On the other hand our HHIA Relationships can be left to fend for itself. And, without enough attention our relationships can get lost in the shuffle or be left out in the cold without us even noticing.

Putting „us“ first… or at least back on the list

Photo by harold polvorosa on Scopio

So, how do we make space and time for us this great big life we have created?

I know we have heard this before, and yet:

The simple truth is we choose to make time and space for each other. This is true in every relationship form: friends, family, romance, business, partnership and marriage from day one to our diamond anniversaries and beyond!

Communication is key: Check out Blogs 25, 26, 37 and 38 to refresh. 😉

Science is not only a disciple of reason but, also, one of romance and passion.

Stephen Hawking

Five Minutes a Day

Here are a few 5-minute exercises to try together (daily, in silence, & preferably mobile/tablet free):

Just do something together in silence every day, when you can!

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Spontaneity is great! However, planning, scheduling and deciding together helps to create purpose intent and awareness which enhances the effect of our togetherness.

All of this helping to create, maintain, encourage and support a physical, bodily comfort and intimacy.  

This is Sean. Try doing something with yourself (and to those who are important to you) in silence for 5 minutes every day this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 38

Making Space Together

In Between

This is Sean and we are together again. Our last Blog-Lesson focused on dates and dating. Getting to know one another better. For some of us this phase, at least in theory, is behind us and we have found someone. And our someone has found us as well.

In other words, some of us are in a HHIA Relationship. This relationship status is important to be aware of and to respect. Our relationships provide us with a subject and a regular partner with whom we can explore together. We can explore not only each other but the rest of the world together.  

by Roy Serafin

The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.

Toni Collette

On Purpose

Being together with someone is a big part of our relationship goals and efforts. However, once we reach this level in life as in video games and many if not most things, success leads to the next level. On the one hand we have accumulated and collected all of our experiences, memories and emotions and found someone who wants to share them. On the other hand we are confronted with new perspectives, thoughts and feelings outside ourselves and a whole new set of ambitions and purposes.

Being in the Game

At this point in the game of life you and me becomes we and we make choices together as well as separately. We begin to include another person in our decision making and choices. This happens:

  • together
  • in concert
  • in conversation
  • menu choices
  • ordering
  • after work
  • at weekends
  • in clear decisions
  • through murky suggestions
  • with no words at all
  • consciously
  • unconsciously
  • perhaps even automatically, eventually 😉

As you get going in the game you just kind of go along and you play the game.

Matt Cassel

All previous Blogs still apply. We are just in a more complex situation when we put things into action.

by Chechui Oleksandr

How/Where/When

Ultimately, the question is:

How/Where/When do we find space and time for each other in relationship?  

Where/When/How do we find space and time for each other in a relationship?  

The simple truth is we choose to make time and space for each other. This is true in every relationship form friends and family to romance and even in matrimony!

Communication is key.

  • Checking in
  • Texting
  • Chatting
  • Writing notes
  • Talking
  • Asking questions
  • Active listening
  • Expressing yourself
  • Being honest
  • Saying yes
  • Being clear
  • Saying no
  • Being real: with yourself and your partner
  • Saying maybe, sometimes  
by Rainer Puster

We make time for one another in concensus, in dialogue and in our combined/collective schedule.

We make space in the same ways and ultimately make space in our lives for and with each other.

Unique & Opaque

This process is always unique and often opaque to the outside observer. As long as we are clear, satisfied and happy with the space and time we create for each other, we are good.

Next time: relationship time and space when we live together.

This is Sean. Try actively listening to yourself (and to those who are important to you) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 37

Where we want to be: Together

In Between

Where, When, How…

Here we go again, This is Sean. And the world keeps spinning, our stories, our lives and our HHIA Relationships  continue to grow, expand and deepen.

We have talked about introductions and initial meeting. We have gone through the digital spaces and potential first dates; like coffee. Now we can look at going on dates and dating.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Dating

Dating someone is an exploration and pursuit of connections and intimacy. A balance of excitement and comfort. We share more and more of ourselves with the person/people we are dating.

On the one hand we are the explorer. On the other hand, we become the explored. Ideally, we become mutual pioneers venturing into a new world together.

For a dinner date, I eat light all day to save room, then I go all in: I choose this meal and this order, and I choose you, the person across from me, to share it with. There’s a beautiful intimacy in a meal like that.

Anthony Bourdain

An Adventure

In this vein, we tend to present ourselves in situations that highlight our pluses and minimize our minuses. Our dates are doing their best to do the same. In the process we hope to find a space and and a partner who accepts and appreciates us as much as we appreciate and accept them.

To this end, we want to choose our environment and presentation as much as possible. In the give and take of the dating dance. We can make choices and encourage our dates to do so as well.

Photo by Marek Kalhous on Scopio

Getting to know each other better

At the moment our choices are a bit limited but not impossible:

  • more coffee to go 😊
  • going for a walk
  • walking in the park
  • visiting a garden
  • making a tour of your neighborhood as tour guide
  • making a tour of your date’s neighborhood as a guest
  • a photo safari
  • be by the water
  • window shopping
  • picking up take out
  • grocery shopping
  • creatively cooking together
  • playing a game/cards
  • riding the bus/subway together
  • going for a drive

All of the above are good ways of getting together, inspiring dialogue and making choices together. Negotiating roles and experiencing our reactions with one another helps to create a deeper understanding and encourage intimacy on many levels. 

(All of the above can also be enjoyed with social distancing and both hygienically & socially responsible considerations. We are experiencing a pandemic in 2021)

Making Space

Choosing neutral spaces and our dates comfort and safety can also play an important role in the growth of trust and expansion of possibilities with each other. 

Photo by Bianca Brunschwiler on Scopio

A Better Place

Most important is to be clear and honest with yourself and your date. Speaking openly and honestly face to face about your needs, desires and concerns is much more effective than per text, email, voicemail or even by phone.

The fact is, when you date an artist, you have to know that they’re going to sing about you.

Tove Lo

Our Space

In person we can experience each other and create our own space in truly sincere and individual ways.   

That is all for now. Next time we will be looking at making space while sharing space.

This is Sean. Try just sharing your space with yourself (and with someone else perhaps) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.   

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time!

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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