Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 47

Intimate Space

Photo by Linas Vaitonis on Scopio

The human body is the best picture of the human soul.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

In the Zone

This is Sean and we are back! Lets go a step further into our relationships and experience. We have been reviewing our feelings and creating a space where our relationships can thrive and flourish. Simply put we have been cultivating fertile ground to allow our relationships to blossom and succeed.

Let’s get physical

Once we have established an emotional connection between ourselves and the other/s, we can begin to establish a physical intimacy. Ultimately, we are able to begin to explore a new depth of intimacy.

On the one hand we have created a connection which encourages us to pursue and explore our bodies together. On the other hand, our bodies are simultaneously bursting with bundles of nerves and receiving input from a variety of both experiencial and historical sources. This is happening all at once on different planes of both sensory and memory responses.

Photo by Andrii Omelnytskyi on Scopio

Our bodies are our connection to the physical plan and allow us to experience and interpret impulses such as:

All of these things play into our interpretation of the experiences we are having. Both internal and external experiences which are then interpreted as pleasure & comfort or discomfort & pain.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Pleasure Pain Principle

Thus, it is our goal and intent to expand and encounter our partner physical reality to increase our understanding of our tangible and touchable responses to bodily input and experience.

We can do this by:

  • announcing our intentions
  • discussing our desires
  • experimenting
  • asking questions
  • sharing consent
  • giving responses
  • checking in
  • assessing the situation
  • being aware
  • confirming experiences
  • discussing discomfort
  • expressing excitement
  • ….

Strictly speaking, our desire to touch and physically experience our partners and to share ourselves comes with a bit of history, experience, inexperience with new partners, and memories which color our interpretation of our physical reality and interactions.

Photo by Nour Chamoun on Scopio

Actually, this is true for you, for me, for our partners ourselves and the others.

The human body is the best picture of the human soul.

Wilhelm von Humboldt

Talking about our experiences, our history, our bodies and our senses can help us to better understand and support one another in our bodily encounters. And, at the same time we can encourage each other to relish and inspire these intimate encounters to transpire.  

Sense & Sensible

All of our senses participate in these encounters and we will consider our senses, their influence and our interactions next time.

Hearing is a form of touch. I could hear less through the ears but more through the body.

Evelyn Glennie
Photo by Ilie Pastor on Scopio

This is Sean. Try letting yourself enjoy your body (and those bodies which are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 53

Setting the Tone

Presenting

If you’re presenting yourself with confidence, you can pull off pretty much anything.

Katy Perry
Photo by Anastasia Casey on Scopio

This is Sean! Here we are again! After exploring our senses and our sensibilities!  

We have spent quite a bit of time looking at our preferences and considering our potential and our partners in our relationships.

Express yourself

Now, we are ready to talk about us! In other words, how we express ourselves is our focus this time around.

Whether we are meeting someone for the very first time, hooking up, or spending time with our spouse, a big part of our experience has to do with how we present ourselves in the moment. 

Photo by Albert Morcillo on Scopio

Impressions

On the one hand we want to make a good impression, most of the time. On the other hand, we want to be authentically ourselves, most of the time. So the question is, how do we do that?  

Worth Repeating

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.

Bruce Lee

Lets start with a few techniques that we have reviewed before (28), are still relevant and worth repeating:

  • Smile
  • Make Eye Contact
  • Ask Questions
  • Listen Actively
  • Make “I” Statements
  • Put Down Your Phone
  • Face your Partner
  • Pay Attention
  • Be in the Moment
  • Be aware of your Posture
Photo by Rafli Rangka on Scopio

By introductions and first meetings, repeating the other person’s name makes it is easier to remember!   

Overtime

As we get to know people better and more intimately our interest and attention tend to increase. At the same time, we are often being our “best” selves and making an effort to create rapport and build a connection.

Simply put, we are constantly creating and maintaining relationships with those around us. How these relationships develop is up to us and our “partners”.  

All of our words, actions and experiences accumulate of a life time to help create and establish each of us in our own uniqueness and individuality.

Photo by Anuj Pandey on Scopio

Who’s who?

How we are perceived by others is affected by us, our intentions, words, and actions. Consider the following: Do you..  

  • like
    • yourself?
    • your
      • home?
      • family?
      • friends?
      • company?
      • relationship(s)?
      • job?
      • body?
      • hobbies?
    • your life?
Photo by Shruti Sharma on Scopio
  • enjoy
    • yourself?
    • your –
      • home?
      • family?
      • friends?
      • company?
      • relationship(s)?
      • job?
      • body?
      • free time?
    • your life?

If we do, that is great. If we don’t, we might want to think about why not and if we want to make some changes.  

Photo by Maz Taymani on Scopio

I Feel you

Either way, we express these feelings in our voices, actions, and posture.

Our intentions can be lost or masked in our enthusiasm or frustration, when we are not clear and authentic with ourselves.

More next time, This is Sean. Share something special with yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 52

Intimate Space

On the Tip of my Tongue

Photo by Tajana Dedić Starović on Scopio

I love things that are indescribable, like the taste of an avocado or the smell of a gardenia.

Barbra Streisand

Sean here again! And, we are exploring our senses in our HHIA relationships. Our senses include touch, sight, sound, taste and smell! We have been looking at touch, sight & sound, and smell, including several exercises. These exercises encourage and support our intimacy and pleasure.

All exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

Sense (and sensibility)

Our last sense (and sensibility) is taste. Our sense of taste is closely related to our sense of smell but is differentiated a bit differently. We have essentially five distinct tastes which most of us can distinguish and enjoy to a variety of degrees:

  • Sweet: sugar, honey, syrup, candy, cakes and confections,
  • Sour: lemons, citrus, vinegar, dill pickles,
  • Salty: sodium, sea salt, cured meats, brine,   
  • Bitter: cocoa, mate, tea, dandelion greens, hops, gentian, quinine,  
  • Umami: Champagne, truffles, miso, caviar, cheese.

In addition to our five primary tastes, we mix and meld them like our primary colors to create flavors and delight for our tongues. A good example of this is our use of cocoa which is bitter to begin with. We can mix it with sugar, milk and even salt to create all kind of flavors and tastes to please almost everyone. And those who have no interest in cocoa can go straight to “white chocolate” which has no cocoa at all. 

Photo by Claudia Cotici on Scopio

Texture and Temperature

Secondary factors in our savory experiences include texture and temperature. In other words, how foods (and perhaps friends, lovers, partners or spouses) feel in our mouths and to our tongues affects how they taste. In other words , flavor is one thing and the overall physical, tactile, chewing , swallowing and aftertaste are another.

Like “Goldie Locks” we are always trying and tasting things to find which one is “just right”; not too hard or too soft, not too hot or too cold, not too salty or too sweet.

„When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.“

Bill Watterson

Tastings and Things

Tastings can be a great way to get to know ourselves and our partners better. With just a little dialogue and a bit of creativity we can create a burst of flavor and experience. We can have this be as sensual, sexy or serious as we choose as an individuals, pairs or groups.   

Tastings can include:

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio
  • Food:
    • Chips
    • Olives
    • Cheese
    • Pickles
    • Fruit
    • Toast & Jam
    • Ham
    • Honey
    • Mustard
    • Yoghurt
    • Pizza
    • Pasta
    • Cakes
    • Cookies
    • Chocolate
  • Anything you would like to share with yourself or your partner.
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Consent and Communication

Some ways to enhance the sensual nature of these tastings could be

  • sharing drinks mouth-to-mouth
  • dipping our fingers in sauces, syrups & honey
  • feeding one another
  • blindfolds
  • dimming the lights
  • candles
  • music.
Person holding clear glass cup

It is important to remember that taste include touch and therefore verbal consent and clear understanding and communication are essential for us to come together. On the one hand, to share a bit of food and fun. And on the other hand, to share intimacy, trust, and ourselves.  

Good Taste

“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”

Winston S. Churchill

Taste is so much more than experiencing flavors. In English Taste is also an individual preference, a sensibility and an appreciation of the word around us. It includes making choices and choosing to be our authentic selves and accepting the authentic selves of those around us.

When we do this, we are able to express and experience the great variety of our experience, society & cultures, and potential relationships, in a wholistic and sensible fashion. And at the same time we can explore all of the things which turn us on and excite us about ourselves and others.

Photo by Lucrezia Cantelmo on Scopio

This is Sean. Try savoring something special with yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 51

Intimate Space

In the Zone (The Nose Knows)

And we are back! Sean here! And, we are expanding our understanding of our senses in our HHIA relationships. Our senses include touch, sight, sound, taste and smell! We have looked at touch, sight and sound, including several exercises we can experience with our partners and ourselves. These exercises encourage and support our intimacy and pleasure.

All exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

Photo by Maritza Hernandez on Scopio

And now, we are ready to consider how smell comes into play in our attractions and HHIA Relationships. This time we are going to talk a sense that is often overlooked or goes unspoken with regard to our attractions, romance and intimate exploration.

In other words, we are going to open up about smells. Odors and scents tend to be private, quiet and often shameful in our society and various cultures. We spend thousands of euros a year to cover, modify and/or disguise our natural scents and smells.

Nose & Mouth

Actually, our senses of smell and taste are very closely related. Breathing is essential for life and relatively constant. When we breathe through our noses we experience the scents and smells around us. These can range from seductive to repulsive, from pleasant to unpleasant, and from encouraging to discouraging. Interestingly, most of us are quite shy about communicating our less than positive odiferous experiences.

You have to see and smell and feel the circumstances of people to really understand them.

Kamala Harris
Photo by Abhishek Yadav on Scopio

Social Smells

A couple of less flattering social commentaries about our potential aromas include:  

  • Children sing about the connection between nutrition and “natural gas” –
    • Beans Beans the Magical Fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot!
  • And recognize the importance of keeping our smells to ourselves:
    • The one who smelt it dealt it!  
  • And for the adults among us:
    • Garlic is for the weekend!
    • Always share the Garlic with those you plan to kiss later.

Thus, it is no surprise that we often experience a bit of uncertainty and/or insecurity about how we smell. This is both personal and cultural.

Photo by Eldar Haba on Scopio

U SMELL SO GOOD!   

Pleasant, seductive, positive scents are all the rage! Our society and life in clise quarters in the city has encouraged us to mask and modify our natural scent with deodorant, toilet water, aftershave, scented lotions and perfumes. We really do enjoy those scents we enjoy! Just consider all the perfume, cologne and scented oils we test, buy, wear and share. There is something about the way we smell. On the one hand, we are conditioned not to talk about unpleasant smells. On the other hand we are constantly being encouraged to destry, cover and mask any and all natural human scents.

Sense of Smell

Our personal scent and pheromones are signals to our community; partners and potential partners. These pheromones signal our arousal,  encourage sympathy and ovulation. Direct evidence of human pheromones is still being searched for in the scientific community. At the same time there is plenty of evidence that our scents is a significant factor in attraction and stimulation.   

Personal hygiene and good scents are intricately related. Washing and Rinsing our bodies after working out, working hard, stressful situations, gardening and other strenuous activities. However, in our modern office and urban lives the need for constant soap and scrubbing to keep clean is for many of us no longer a necessity.

Photo by Serena Rocchigiani on Scopio

Scent Free / Sensuality

Take a day where you do not have to be anywhere. Try this experiment:

  • Go scent commando for a day.
  • Get up in the morning and take a shower: just using hot, warm or cold water. The choice is yours.
  • Get out of the shower
  • Dry yourself off
  • Skip the deodorant
  • No Perfume
  • No Scented oils, lotions or gels
  • Let yourself be aromatically unique and you
  • At the end of the day:
    • Take a moment or two and experience your own aroma.
    • Do you like your scent?
    • Is it comforting?
    • Is it something you would like to share?
    • If so then you can share this exercise with your partner and smell how it goes. 😊
Photo by Andree Sierra on Scopio

Mouth to Mouth

A very sensitive and personal smell is our breath: the good, the bad and the… Since ancient times we have been chewing mint, herbs, candies, mints with ingredients including cardamom, ambergris, musk, essence of violet, essence of rose, licorice or oil of cinnamon; mouthwash made of alcohol, thymol, eucalyptol and menthol, and brushing our teeth with everything from natron to cardamom to encourage fresher breath. Today we are encouraged to brush our teeth at least twice a day and more.  Personal Oral Hygiene is an essential part of our human attraction. Be sure to care for your teeth, tongue, lips and gums. It will go a long way to keep your breath fresher and attractive.

Contemplation & Comfort

We can also experience scents, aromas, fragrances and bouquets together or solo: We can share: soaps, lotions, incense, candles, wine, perfumes, scents, oils , flowers and any other scented or natural smells in our world. We can make a game of it with blindfolds or intimate spaces allowing us to be engulfed by the experience. Our choices range from choosing our favorites to share or exploring new scents together. All of these can be both enriching and enlightening as we learn more and more about each other, ourselves and our preferences and passions.

Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.

Rita Moreno
Photo by Sourav Sur on Scopio

Priceless Memories

One the one hand we want to share ourselves and our experiences. On the other hand, we want to experience our partner, their preferences and pleasures. Discovering fragrances and scents together can be a wonderfully intimate and playful experience. Sharing and discussing our preferences, pleasures and memories is always a positive experience for an HHIA relationship. This is true whether our preferences, passions and pleasures are shared in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe mutual environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless and generates new shared memories.

This is Sean. Try sharing some time and something special with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 50

Intimate Space

In the Zone (Our Senses)

And we are back! This is Sean and we are exploring our senses in our HHIA relationships. Our senses include touch, sight, sound, taste and smell! We have looked at touch, including several exercises we can experience with our partners and ourselves. These exercises help us to enhance and support our intimacy and pleasure.

Photo by Ha Yi on Scopio

Again, all of the exercises we are exploring can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

This time we are going to expound on two senses which are more easily modulated and more readily experience without control in our daily lives. In other words we are going to talk about sight and sound. Sight is almost automatic for most of us. We can adjust the light or close our eyes if we want to, however most of the time our eyes are open and we are exposed to the world around us. This is part of most of our waking lives.

In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.

Francis Bacon

Adjusting the light

Photo by Clément Percheron on Scopio

5 minutes of Visual Intimacy

This is another simple silent exercise. We can share a visual intimacy with a partner or ourselves with minimal preparation and scheduling. In just 5 minutes we can find a safe space, calm and visual intimacy. Simply put, we can schedule a 5 minute window and be: together with ourselves and/or our partners. With a partner the physical component can include:

  • looking into each other’s eyes
    • smiling at each other
    • make faces at each other
    • being
      • silly,
      • serious
      • seductive
  • taking turns closing our eyes
    • allowing our partner to observe us; our posture and features
  • adjust the light –
    • experience
      • the dark
      • shadows
      • daylight
      • overhead lights
      • candle light
      • screen light

This can include any light sources you may have and wish to share.

Contemplation & Comfort

Contemplate the effect of different light on our comfort, our eyes and our partners. If we are playing solo, then we can use a mirror and express/experience all of the same practice with ourselves. Ultimately, it is most important that we enjoy the silence; together.

(If 5 minutes seems daunting, start with 1 minute and increase the number of minutes over time.)

What is important is the intention and commitment to the process and not the time itself. In other words, counting the seconds and “watching the clock” to ensure that we make it to 5 minutes minimizes the intimate effect of the experience.

Verbal exercises

Photo by Charry Jin on Scopio

There are a variety of way to express ourselves with our voices.

In other words, we have a great many of options when exploring sound and pleasure with our partners and ourselves.

Testing, testing,… one two three

Sitting together in a quiet space, we can explore the sound of our voice and how it feels to make and hear the sounds that come out of our mouths. We can:

  • Whisper
  • Hum
  • Sing
  • Speak softly
  • Speak loudly
  • Whistle
  • Yell
  • Scream
  • Growl
  • Read out loud
  • Recite poetry or prose
  • Purr
  • an so on…

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Aldous Huxley

Another option we have to share with ourselves and our partners is music.

We can experience music together or solo: We can share: favorite songs, bands, genres. Adjust volume, treble and base. Listen to spoken word, audiobooks, podcasts, or radio plays. All of these can be both enriching and enlightening as we learn more and more about each other, ourselves and our preferences and passions.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Priceless

One the one hand we want to share ourselves and our experiences. On the other hand we want to experience our partner, their preferences and pleasures. Auditory exchange is a great way to do this. Keep in mind that sharing and discussing our preferences and pleasures is always a positive experience for a relationship. This is true whether our preferences, passions and pleasures are shared in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe mutual environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless.

All the activities described can be utilized at any time and anywhere we feel safe and supported by our partners. In other words, once we have established trust and respect in our relationships, we can whisper sweet nothings, look into each other’s eyes, smile at each other, listen to each other, share our thoughts and ideas any where and any time. So take a chance and try telling each other… something special.

This is Sean. Try sharing some time and something special with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 49

Intimate Space

In the Zone

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me.

W. H. Auden
Photo by Lean Lui on Scopio

TOUCH (2)

And here we are again. This is Sean and we are going to continue our exploration of touching exercises to enhance and support our intimate experiences and desires.

Last time we played with announcing our desires to touch and caressing our hands and feet.

Again, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

5 minutes of intimacy

This is a simple silent exercise. We can share a physical intimacy with a partner or ourselves with minimal preparation and scheduling. In just 5 minutes we can find a safe space, warmth and physical intimacy. Simply put, we can schedule a 5 minute window and be: together with ourselves and with our partners.

With a partner the physical component can include:

  • Holding hands
  • Playing footsie
  • Hugging
  • Leaning on each other
  • Sitting back to back
  • Shoulder to shoulder
  • Spooning …

Most important is that we enjoy the silence; together.

If 5 minutes seems daunting, start with 1 minute and increase the number of minutes over time. What is important is the intention and commitment to the process and not the time itself. In other words, counting the seconds and “watching the clock” to ensure that we make it to 5 minutes minimizes the intimate effect of the experience.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Back to Back

Another aspect of intimacy is trust. Blind trust is something that most of us find challenging. This exercise can help us to build trust and intimacy without having to actively express anything, except being. This is primarily a partnered exercise.

  • We can sit on the floor, on cushions, a sofa or a bed. 
  • Sitting facing opposite direction a way from each other.
  • Scooting backwards until our backs are touching.
  • Pushing together until we are together comfortably, back to back.
  • From here we just take the time we have planned to be together and enjoy our togetherness.
  • That’s it.
  • Spending time being in the same space and experiencing the physicality of our partners existence.

We can sit with our eyes open or closed. If we want, we can read something or listen to soft music. The intention is to be together without expressing or experiencing expectations. This allows us to enjoy the company, free from a need to perform.  

If practicing this exercise solo, I would suggest pressing my back against a wall from head to bum. Try breathing in and out with my eyes closed and experiencing the pressure and pleasure of the full back sensation and variation of tactile experiences while beathing, flexing and relacing my head, neck, shoulders, hips and bum.

Photo by Joslyn Kramer on Scopio

Being There; Being Here

The fact is that people are good. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.

Abraham Maslow

There are a thousand ways for us to express and experience our own and our partner’s touch. What is most important is to find the ways which work for us and enhance and support these experiences with intention, awareness, and communication over time.

Try to remember that announcing our intention and discussing our desires is always a positive experience for a relationship. This is true whether our desires and intentions are welcomed in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe affectionate environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless. All the activities described can be utilized at any time anywhere where we feel safe and supported by our partners. In other words, we can hold hands on a stroll, lean on each other in the bus, play footsie under the table in a restaurant and so on. So take a chance and try touching each other.

Photo by Cheyanne Ponder on Scopio

This is Sean. Try expressing your intentions and desires with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 48

Intimate Space

Get in Touch (1)

We are back! This is Sean. And we are here to talk about our bodies and how we learn to share our physicality and play with our senses.

We learn and have been tought that we have essentially five physical senses:

  • Sight
  • Hearing
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Touch
Photo by Ira Mironyak on Scopio

Simply put, our sense of touch is the one which we have the greatest potential to control and calibrate. We can manipulate touch to fulfil our desires and wishes. And, through choice, consent and control we can determine where, when and how we experience touch from ourselves and others. 

Together with me, myself, and I ….. maybe with you too

In other words, we are able to experiment, play and learn to touch our partners and ourselves to enhance and support both pleasure and intimacy.

We are going to toy with a variety of playful exercises to discover how we experience and interpret touch both for ourselves and our partners. Essentially, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

“Touch has a memory.”

John Keats
Photo by valentina alvarez on Scopio

Consent & Caress

Individual execution of these following exercises implies consent. We are, in most if not all cases, individually aware and able to give ourselves our consent.

Paar and group exercises should include a brief description of the exercise and a verbal and or visual explicit expression of consent.

Verbal Touch

Announcing our intentions and desires with a request for consent can help us to create an environment where consent becomes the basis of our phyiscial communication with each other. This practice can include statements like:

  • I would love to kiss you right now.
  • I want to hug you.
  • May I hold your hand.
  • I wish to kiss your neck.
  • I am thinking about pecking your cheek.
  • May I pat your bum….

All of these statements should be followed with a pause until your partner responds with a Yes/No response to your request.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Positive / Negative =

Positive Responses  

  • Come on.
  • Go for it.
  • Sure.
  • I would like that.
  • Yes, please—

Negative Responses

  • Please wait till later. 
  • Give me 5 minutes.
  • Maybe later.  
  • I’m not available for that (right now).
  • Could you ask again – later/ in 5 minutes/ in an hour.

These exchanges quickly establish a safe and respectful intimacy between partners that can carry over to the rest of the relationship. This creates a relationship where both acceptance and rejection of impulses and requests become emotionally neutral and are perceived as equally viable and sensible in our intimate and physical exchanges.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Fingers & Toes

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

Charles Dickens

To start, we can consider our hands and fingers as being both extremely sensitive and practically accessible for practicing touching caressing and feeling our own and our partners touch. This touch can be handled with a variety of pressure, speed, area and volume. Our hands include: fingers, palms, wrists, fingernails and the backs. All of these can be used to share and exchange touch and physical intimacy.

This exercise begins:

  1. With a brief description hand holding and touching and the determination of a “Safe Word” which is said to immediately pause/stop the exercise.
  2. One partner chooses to be giving and the other receiving.
  3. The receiving partner sits with their eyes closed and their hands in their lap or on a table.
  4. The giving partner touches their partners hands beginning lightly, slowly with their fingers exploring the back, palm, fingers, and so on….
  5. After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc.
  6. This movement advances to include the use of the entire surface of the active hands to caress the passive hands involving more pressure, surface varying the speed of movement…  
  7. After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc. 
  8. This exploration can continue to include tightly holding, patting, slapping, scratching or massaging the receiving partner’s hands.
  9. All of these variation should include verbal confirmation of comfort, sensation, interest and attention.
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Variations:

  • Steps 1 – 9 can immediately be repeated with partners changing roles.
  • 1 through 9 can be repeated with partners changing roles at another time.
  • Steps 1 through 9 can be repeated touching with the giving partner touching the receiving partner’s feet & toes, rather than their hands.

Nothing is so healing as the human touch.

Bobby Fischer

Awareness is Key

Being aware of our partner’s reaction and responses to our touch can help to inspire greater understanding and intimacy among us.

This exercise can be just as inspiring and informative when performed solo. This would involve choosing a giving and a receiving hand, closing our eyes and allowing the exploration to begin. 😊

That is all for now! We will have more touching exercises next time.

Photo by Ben Kao on Scopio

This is Sean. Try touching yourself with awareness (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 46

Balance

In Between

Photo by Abhishek Mittal on Scopio

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

Albert Einstein

Sean here again! I am back. In the last few Lesson-Blogs we have been exploring some of the ways we connect and encourage intimacy and our HHIA Relationships, including rituals, romance and excitement.

Meeting in the Middle

Once we have established first contact and followed through with first dates, building a bit of devotion and intimacy, it is important for us to meet our partners in the middle. In other words, and getting together and finding a partner is about finding someone with who we can meet in the middle and find balance with.

On the one hand we want to be ourselves and be supported and appreciated. On the other hand, we want our partners to feel safe and encouraged to be themselves and feel supported and appreciated.

„Next to love, balance is the most important thing.“

John Wooden
Photo by Daniela Acero on Scopio

Meet me in the middle

Where do we find balance? Ultimately, we create balance with every choice we make as a both as individuals and as couples:

  • Mine or Yours
  • Going out
  • Staying in
  • Being together
  • Being apart
  • Listening
  • Speaking
  • Bed time
  • Entertainment
  • Food
  • Drink
  • Affection
  • Cleaning
  • Cooking
  • Music
  • Intimacy
  • … Among others
Photo by Rudorwashe Tariro Dziva on Scopio

To begin with, we want to create expectations which both we and our partners can meet. Simply, we want to express our interests and desires to each other. Keeping our expectations and ideals grounded in reality and communication. Again, honesty and candor around our wishes and desires can help us to find the right mix as a couple.

No compromise

Actually, this is about a give and take, experimentation, taking risk and finding rewards with each other. This interaction and exploration encourages us to be even closer and find solutions that work for us.  Strictly speaking, cooperation rather than compromise sets the course for balance in a HHIA Relationship.  

The truth is balance. However the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie.

Susan Sontag

Love Work Balance

Finding a balance is about finding where we are and figuring out where we want to be. When we are feeling out of balance in our relationships, it is important to consider both “where we are” in relation to our partners at the moment and “How did we get here?”. Specifically, we want to consider our choices, actions and reactions that have brought us to this imbalance.  

Photo by Hanny Hsian on Scopio

Seesaw effect

Equilibrium and stability are in constant flux and interaction. Especially as we interact with each other, our responsibilities, our plans, society and the rest of the world. Conversely, the more we try to square, even out, equalize and settle the chaos we often lose sight of the natural ebb and flow of our relationships. This can also be true in our lives in general.

It’s all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.

Andrew Bernstein
Photo by Miguel Mimoso on Scopio

This is Sean. Try allowing yourself (and those who are important to you) to go with the ebb and flow of your relationships this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Jump
Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 45

In Between

Exciting & New

We are back! This is Sean. And we are going to revel in the excitement, eagerness and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.

Photo by Eveline Gerritsen on Scopio

Lets get excited!

From first contact to our last breath, our HHIA relationships can be full of stimulation and excitement. In fact, this is true for most if not all of our intimate relationships.

Opposites Attract

Like magnetes we are attracted to those who are different from ourselves. Actually, this is essentially always true, because no matter how similar we are to our partners, we are in relationship with another being. Others catch our eye, whether in pictures or in person, through a look, a gesture, or, perhaps, an attitude. And, we do the same to others.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Sparks Fly

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.”

Gloria Steinem

Initially the attraction can feel like electricity or butterflies and as we get closer the feeling of attraction and bond tend to grow. As we learn and experience more and more about our partners, we begin to appreciate and look forward to even more. This is the natural progressive cycle of anticipation & interest and fulfillment & pleasure. Simultaneously, this cycle can occur in the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of our relationships and experience.  

Magnetic Personality

As our bonds become stronger and our knowledge and understanding of one another increases, we are able to express and experience even greater levels of pleasure and delight through our relationship. In other words, like a transistor which starts with a spark, warms up and increases through the development of an electronic field, our relationships often start with a spark, warm up and increase through a give and take and the development of an intellectual, emotional, physical and even a spiritual environment which encourages all partners to enjoy themselves and each other. 

Partner Delight

Photo by Miguel Mimoso on Scopio

Ultimately, this environment and situation transforms into our lives and our HHIA relationships become a central aspect. Unfortunately, the initial spark and newness of our experiences can fall prey to our daily lives, routines, practices habits, and schedules. These tend to separate, lower our energy, attractions and connections to our both our partners and ourselves. Through ritual, romance and humor we can avoid this and encourage each other to pursue greater enthusiasm and elation.

A few examples which can be enjoyed together include: 

  • Making time just to be together
  • Sharing an activity or hobby regularly
  • Going for a walk
  • Enjoying a meal
  • Having a conversation about something that interests you
  • Listening to music
  • Reading the same book  
  • In non-pandemic times:
  • Dancing
  • Exploring new places/spaces
  • Traveling
  • Going out (to dinner or on the town)
Photo by Anett Fodor on Scopio

Scheduled Spontaneity  

“Never marry a person who is not a friend of your excitement.”

Nathaniel Branden, The Psychology of Romantic Love

Making plans and scheduling time for each other encourages us to think about and look forward to being together.  On the one hand, we have reserved time to be together. On the other hand, we are creating a space where we can enjoy our company and companionship. This is much more thrilling than going through our days and passing one another on our way to work, doing errands, etc.

Essentially, making the effort and expressing interest and an eagerness to enjoy our partner’s company encourages them to do and feel similarly. Exploring and recognizing how our dates, partners, and spouses respond to our ideas, suggestions and plans can elevate our ability to find where, when and how we can best enjoy each other. This is also true of our physical expressions of affection and attractions. Meeting our partners needs and desires while expressing our own needs and desires with openness and attention can greatly increase our potential for everyone’s pleasure.

That never stops. That’s what drives you: the joy and excitement of doing what you love.

Jerry Lewis
Photo by Pablo Nacimiento on Scopio

This is Sean. Try enjoying yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 44

Relationships & The In Between

A laughing matter

Photo by Albert Morcillo on Scopio

Live. Love. Laugh. – Not necessarily in that order. Sean here again. We are back to the business of building, maintaining and/or repairing our HHIA Relationships.

Rituals were on the menu last time. And now, we are up for a good time and creating an environment where we feel like laughing, smiling or maybe just smirking.  

Laugh Love Life

Photo by Sabrina Pineda on Scopio

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.”

Charlie Chaplin

Just for the record, laughter is love-ly in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, smiles are sensational and even a smirk is something special. In other words, smiles and laughter are universal, collective and best when collaborative.  

Smiling not only affects our face. Truth be told, when we smile, the muscles we use to smile affect the chemistry in our brains (it takes at least 30 seconds). Smiling makes us happier. At the same time, smiles make us more attractive and approachable.

Jahahaha

Photo by GaminTraveler on Scopio

And, where does laughter come from? Babies laugh and coo right from the start. Although, some experts suggest this is just a bit of gas, new researchers suggest humor starts to form far earlier than most theories of humor currently admit. The body is „laughing“ on it’s own. So, perhaps, laughter springs from existence and being alive. As we grow up, we learn more about humor, comedy, wit, sarcasm, farce and hilarity to the point of absurdity. This can all be learnt and discovered both, directly and indirectly.

Where exactly do we find humor and laughs?

  • Jokes
  • Jests
  • Puns
  • Wordplay
  • Wit
  • Commentary
  • Parody
  • Spoofs
  • Mimes
  • Comics
  • Satirists
  • Stories
Photo by Ha Yi on Scopio

Funny Bunny

Photo by Alexa Martinez on Scopio

On the one hand we hear puns, jokes, anecdotes and funny tales of adventure. Think of Bugs Bunny, Daffy, or perhaps, the Coyote. We are all able to find and create the fun and the funny when we allow our imaginations and ideas to run wild, wierd, off-the-wall and wily. On the other hand, we can experience humor all around us when we acknowledge it. As with rituals, intent and awareness are essential to a good sense of, let’s say, humor.

„If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.“

Marilyn Monroe

Oh, Ho Ho

Photo by Ira Mironyak on Scopio

Actually, laughing is a great stress reliever and used in therapeutic settings to encourage the immune system and reduce tension. Actually, smiling also has quite a few positive personal benifits as well. In our HHIA Relationships the same results can be seen .

Lightening the mood and letting us relax, laughter and humor can be really effective for establishing a bond. This bond establishes our similitude. Ultimately, being on par with one another encourages us to share and advances our feelings of intimacy and trust.  In other words, being in on the joke or sharing a funny thought with our significant others allows them to feel closer to us and share more of themselves as well.

Har Har Har

Ultimately, we want to be sure that our partners, friends and lovers understand that they are in on it! We are all laughing together with each other; not at each other. This is an essential aspect of bonding and creating safe spaces for all of us to open up and share the lust and love for each other and ourselves in a fun, intimate, and even sometimes silly space!

This is Sean. Try laughing at yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

Photo by Brit Worgan on Scopio

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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