Fantasy – Giving consent to yourself
Playing Pretend, Pretending
As children many of us have an imaginary friend, play cops & robbers, play house, ride imaginary horses, fight imaginary dragons and some of us even play doctor.
As a result, we retell, replay, and reinforce the information and images that we see, hear and experience as children. We call this pretending. As adults we pretend and call it fantasizing. Our fantasies range from the professional or social to the romantic and even erotic.
Additionally, we can fantasize about anything we can imagine. Fantasy is a great way to explore ideas, feelings, and information we experience day in and day out.
Giving ourselves Permission
Fantasy can be thought of as giving our selves permission to imagine and think about feelings, experiences and situations. These include situations which we may or may not want to, or be ready to, experience in the real world.
In other words, fantasies are a way to process the images and values that we experience from interacting with family, friends, and colleagues. On a larger scale we process the influences of society, media and culture as well. In this sense fantasies can be considered as waking dreams which we can control.
Giving ourselves Consent
Giving ourselves consent and permission to control our internal processes, our thoughts, our desires and our stress is a very powerful experience.
Thus, as a tool fantasy can be a stress reliever and also a safe place to explore our most intimate and fragile/delicate emerging and growing selves.
Fantasy can also be a healing process where we can imagine and experience alternatives and processes internally and with others which can promote our sense of safety, strength and empowerment.
Consequently, fantasy is a both a talent and a skill which we should encourage and support in ourselves and others.
Our fantasies are first and foremost ours and ours alone. We have no obligation to share them with anyone. We are the sole owner and operator of our internal world which includes our fantasies. Hence, we are free and independent of all questions, comments or critique, except our own.
Thus, fantasy is a way to better understand and recognize our own positive and negative thoughts about our own desires and pleasures: our most private pleasures and desires.
Intimate Adult Fantasies
Intimate adult fantasies can be romantic, sensual, carnal and erotic in nature. These fantasies are limitless. They can extend from exchanging a knowing smile to giving or receiving flowers. They can range from a touch or caress to intercourse. Fantasies can also explore fetishes, kink and other intimate or even violent interactions/exchanges.
Fantasy is however just that, fantasy. A fantasy is an alternative to reality where we have the control. We have the safety measures in place to maintain our own beingness, independence and limits.
Your Fantasy is yours
In summary, the truth about fantasy is that you have control and control consent. Your fantasy is yours and you are allowed to have it, enjoy it and modify it as you wish whenever you choose. Choosing to share a fantasy or more is another lesson.
With this in mind I am going to let you and your imagination continue on. I would love to hear your thoughts, comments or fantasies. This is Sean and next time we will explore some fantasies that might not be in your best interest and how to manage them. More about me