Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 57

Making Memories

Photo by Pedro Talens Masip on Scopio

Share with me

Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.

Bob Dylan

This is Sean! We are here pondering how we communicate while pursuing  friendship, devotion, love, and HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are concentrating on who we are and what we share with each other. We have been looking at names (54), stories (55) and the value of recognizing, expressing and living our truth (56) and honoring the truths of others.

Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.

Guy de Maupassant
Photo by Chiara Marabese on Scopio

HistoryHerstory

And now, we are ready to explore expanding our experiences and sharing our time and thoughts with others. Ultimately, in this process we begin to make memories. Memories are a mix of history, experiences, feelings and perspective.

Memories are simultaneously unique & individual and shared & communal.

On the one hand memories are, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder. On the other hand, memories can be a communal intimate shared experience.  

I feel you!

How exactly do we create memories?  We create memories through and with emotions.  An Emotional Atlas offers a list of 5 emotions:

Photo by Jhong Gutaba on Scopio

In other words, positive memories are connected to positive emotions which in a new study include:  

  • Admiration
  • Adoration
  • Aesthetic
  • Appreciation
  • Amusement
  • Awe
  • Calmness
  • Entrancement
  • Excitement
  • Interest
  • Joy
  • Nostalgia
  • Romance
  • Satisfaction
  • Sexual Desire
  • Sympathy
  • Triumph
Photo by marco simola on Scopio

Mindful Creation

We make memories with intent and mindfulness. Alternatively, we can create shared memories by doing just that, sharing our intention and appreciation. Some instances include:

  • Holding Hands
  • A Kiss
  • Watching the Sunset/Sunrise
  • Being Thoughtful
  • A Quick Smile
  • Telling a Joke
  • Laughing with Each Other
  • Gazing into Each Other’s Eyes
  • Coffee in Bed
  • Eating/Cooking Together
  • Going for a Walk  

Everything done with intent and mindfulness can create a memory and be shared with someone. While we are on the subject, making and sharing positive memories helps to build relationships, intimacy and trust.

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined – to strengthen each other – to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.

George Eliot
Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Make memory for yourself (and pay attention to those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 56

Setting the Tone

Truth or Dare

Sean here again! Here we are considering how we express ourselves when seeking our attention, affection, intimacy and HHIA relationships

In other words, we are focusing on who we are and what we share with each other. We have gone through names and naming things, as well as, the types of stories we tell ourselves and others.  

As we tell our stories and give names to things it is important to consider the truth of the moment and the intention of our expression. Is our intention to entertain, explain or instruct? What is the background and context of our communication and conversations?

Photo by Tariq Keblaoui on Scopio

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.

James A. Garfield

Your Truth/My Truth

Objectively, there is no such thing as The Truth. At the same time, there is our knowledge, experience, understanding, and perspective. These help to create our “Truth”  

One truth is that we often exaggerate, forget, and/or leave out some details some times. A few questions to help to recognize our own level of trust & truth in our lives are as follows:

  • How often do I recognize and/or convey that I may exaggerate, forget, and/or leave out some details?
  • Are we able to accept the truth for ourselves and each other?  
  • How honest are we with ourselves and our circle of colleagues, family, friends and intimate partners?
  • Do I feel safe to share my truth with my surroundings?
  • Can I hear and accept the truth of those around me?
Photo by Michael Williams Astwood on Scopio

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin‘ away.

Elvis Presley

Our Truth

On the one hand we need to feel safe to express our truth. On the other hand, we need to experience the truth to feel safe with ourselves and others. Unfortunately, we are taught, learn and experience lots of ways to avoid truths we find uncomfortable, unpleasant, vulnerable or exposed.   

A variety of methods that we have learned and feel justified to use in our society “to protect ourselves and others from the TRUTH” include:

None of these offer authenticity or encourage trust. 

Photo by Kyler Jame on Scopio

Ultimately, both trust and authenticity are important in creating intimacy and a sense of safety in relationships. These go hand in hand with the truth and being as honest as we can with ourselves and each other.

By being as honest and truthful with each other as we can, we can begin to create truly intimate and enriching experiences together.   

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Tell your truth to yourself and listen to your truth and the truths of those who are important to you this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 52

Intimate Space

On the Tip of my Tongue

Photo by Tajana Dedić Starović on Scopio

I love things that are indescribable, like the taste of an avocado or the smell of a gardenia.

Barbra Streisand

Sean here again! And, we are exploring our senses in our HHIA relationships. Our senses include touch, sight, sound, taste and smell! We have been looking at touch, sight & sound, and smell, including several exercises. These exercises encourage and support our intimacy and pleasure.

All exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

Sense (and sensibility)

Our last sense (and sensibility) is taste. Our sense of taste is closely related to our sense of smell but is differentiated a bit differently. We have essentially five distinct tastes which most of us can distinguish and enjoy to a variety of degrees:

  • Sweet: sugar, honey, syrup, candy, cakes and confections,
  • Sour: lemons, citrus, vinegar, dill pickles,
  • Salty: sodium, sea salt, cured meats, brine,   
  • Bitter: cocoa, mate, tea, dandelion greens, hops, gentian, quinine,  
  • Umami: Champagne, truffles, miso, caviar, cheese.

In addition to our five primary tastes, we mix and meld them like our primary colors to create flavors and delight for our tongues. A good example of this is our use of cocoa which is bitter to begin with. We can mix it with sugar, milk and even salt to create all kind of flavors and tastes to please almost everyone. And those who have no interest in cocoa can go straight to “white chocolate” which has no cocoa at all. 

Photo by Claudia Cotici on Scopio

Texture and Temperature

Secondary factors in our savory experiences include texture and temperature. In other words, how foods (and perhaps friends, lovers, partners or spouses) feel in our mouths and to our tongues affects how they taste. In other words , flavor is one thing and the overall physical, tactile, chewing , swallowing and aftertaste are another.

Like “Goldie Locks” we are always trying and tasting things to find which one is “just right”; not too hard or too soft, not too hot or too cold, not too salty or too sweet.

„When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.“

Bill Watterson

Tastings and Things

Tastings can be a great way to get to know ourselves and our partners better. With just a little dialogue and a bit of creativity we can create a burst of flavor and experience. We can have this be as sensual, sexy or serious as we choose as an individuals, pairs or groups.   

Tastings can include:

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio
  • Food:
    • Chips
    • Olives
    • Cheese
    • Pickles
    • Fruit
    • Toast & Jam
    • Ham
    • Honey
    • Mustard
    • Yoghurt
    • Pizza
    • Pasta
    • Cakes
    • Cookies
    • Chocolate
  • Anything you would like to share with yourself or your partner.
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Consent and Communication

Some ways to enhance the sensual nature of these tastings could be

  • sharing drinks mouth-to-mouth
  • dipping our fingers in sauces, syrups & honey
  • feeding one another
  • blindfolds
  • dimming the lights
  • candles
  • music.
Person holding clear glass cup

It is important to remember that taste include touch and therefore verbal consent and clear understanding and communication are essential for us to come together. On the one hand, to share a bit of food and fun. And on the other hand, to share intimacy, trust, and ourselves.  

Good Taste

“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”

Winston S. Churchill

Taste is so much more than experiencing flavors. In English Taste is also an individual preference, a sensibility and an appreciation of the word around us. It includes making choices and choosing to be our authentic selves and accepting the authentic selves of those around us.

When we do this, we are able to express and experience the great variety of our experience, society & cultures, and potential relationships, in a wholistic and sensible fashion. And at the same time we can explore all of the things which turn us on and excite us about ourselves and others.

Photo by Lucrezia Cantelmo on Scopio

This is Sean. Try savoring something special with yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 51

Intimate Space

In the Zone (The Nose Knows)

And we are back! Sean here! And, we are expanding our understanding of our senses in our HHIA relationships. Our senses include touch, sight, sound, taste and smell! We have looked at touch, sight and sound, including several exercises we can experience with our partners and ourselves. These exercises encourage and support our intimacy and pleasure.

All exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

Photo by Maritza Hernandez on Scopio

And now, we are ready to consider how smell comes into play in our attractions and HHIA Relationships. This time we are going to talk a sense that is often overlooked or goes unspoken with regard to our attractions, romance and intimate exploration.

In other words, we are going to open up about smells. Odors and scents tend to be private, quiet and often shameful in our society and various cultures. We spend thousands of euros a year to cover, modify and/or disguise our natural scents and smells.

Nose & Mouth

Actually, our senses of smell and taste are very closely related. Breathing is essential for life and relatively constant. When we breathe through our noses we experience the scents and smells around us. These can range from seductive to repulsive, from pleasant to unpleasant, and from encouraging to discouraging. Interestingly, most of us are quite shy about communicating our less than positive odiferous experiences.

You have to see and smell and feel the circumstances of people to really understand them.

Kamala Harris
Photo by Abhishek Yadav on Scopio

Social Smells

A couple of less flattering social commentaries about our potential aromas include:  

  • Children sing about the connection between nutrition and “natural gas” –
    • Beans Beans the Magical Fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot!
  • And recognize the importance of keeping our smells to ourselves:
    • The one who smelt it dealt it!  
  • And for the adults among us:
    • Garlic is for the weekend!
    • Always share the Garlic with those you plan to kiss later.

Thus, it is no surprise that we often experience a bit of uncertainty and/or insecurity about how we smell. This is both personal and cultural.

Photo by Eldar Haba on Scopio

U SMELL SO GOOD!   

Pleasant, seductive, positive scents are all the rage! Our society and life in clise quarters in the city has encouraged us to mask and modify our natural scent with deodorant, toilet water, aftershave, scented lotions and perfumes. We really do enjoy those scents we enjoy! Just consider all the perfume, cologne and scented oils we test, buy, wear and share. There is something about the way we smell. On the one hand, we are conditioned not to talk about unpleasant smells. On the other hand we are constantly being encouraged to destry, cover and mask any and all natural human scents.

Sense of Smell

Our personal scent and pheromones are signals to our community; partners and potential partners. These pheromones signal our arousal,  encourage sympathy and ovulation. Direct evidence of human pheromones is still being searched for in the scientific community. At the same time there is plenty of evidence that our scents is a significant factor in attraction and stimulation.   

Personal hygiene and good scents are intricately related. Washing and Rinsing our bodies after working out, working hard, stressful situations, gardening and other strenuous activities. However, in our modern office and urban lives the need for constant soap and scrubbing to keep clean is for many of us no longer a necessity.

Photo by Serena Rocchigiani on Scopio

Scent Free / Sensuality

Take a day where you do not have to be anywhere. Try this experiment:

  • Go scent commando for a day.
  • Get up in the morning and take a shower: just using hot, warm or cold water. The choice is yours.
  • Get out of the shower
  • Dry yourself off
  • Skip the deodorant
  • No Perfume
  • No Scented oils, lotions or gels
  • Let yourself be aromatically unique and you
  • At the end of the day:
    • Take a moment or two and experience your own aroma.
    • Do you like your scent?
    • Is it comforting?
    • Is it something you would like to share?
    • If so then you can share this exercise with your partner and smell how it goes. 😊
Photo by Andree Sierra on Scopio

Mouth to Mouth

A very sensitive and personal smell is our breath: the good, the bad and the… Since ancient times we have been chewing mint, herbs, candies, mints with ingredients including cardamom, ambergris, musk, essence of violet, essence of rose, licorice or oil of cinnamon; mouthwash made of alcohol, thymol, eucalyptol and menthol, and brushing our teeth with everything from natron to cardamom to encourage fresher breath. Today we are encouraged to brush our teeth at least twice a day and more.  Personal Oral Hygiene is an essential part of our human attraction. Be sure to care for your teeth, tongue, lips and gums. It will go a long way to keep your breath fresher and attractive.

Contemplation & Comfort

We can also experience scents, aromas, fragrances and bouquets together or solo: We can share: soaps, lotions, incense, candles, wine, perfumes, scents, oils , flowers and any other scented or natural smells in our world. We can make a game of it with blindfolds or intimate spaces allowing us to be engulfed by the experience. Our choices range from choosing our favorites to share or exploring new scents together. All of these can be both enriching and enlightening as we learn more and more about each other, ourselves and our preferences and passions.

Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.

Rita Moreno
Photo by Sourav Sur on Scopio

Priceless Memories

One the one hand we want to share ourselves and our experiences. On the other hand, we want to experience our partner, their preferences and pleasures. Discovering fragrances and scents together can be a wonderfully intimate and playful experience. Sharing and discussing our preferences, pleasures and memories is always a positive experience for an HHIA relationship. This is true whether our preferences, passions and pleasures are shared in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe mutual environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless and generates new shared memories.

This is Sean. Try sharing some time and something special with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 50

Intimate Space

In the Zone (Our Senses)

And we are back! This is Sean and we are exploring our senses in our HHIA relationships. Our senses include touch, sight, sound, taste and smell! We have looked at touch, including several exercises we can experience with our partners and ourselves. These exercises help us to enhance and support our intimacy and pleasure.

Photo by Ha Yi on Scopio

Again, all of the exercises we are exploring can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

This time we are going to expound on two senses which are more easily modulated and more readily experience without control in our daily lives. In other words we are going to talk about sight and sound. Sight is almost automatic for most of us. We can adjust the light or close our eyes if we want to, however most of the time our eyes are open and we are exposed to the world around us. This is part of most of our waking lives.

In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.

Francis Bacon

Adjusting the light

Photo by Clément Percheron on Scopio

5 minutes of Visual Intimacy

This is another simple silent exercise. We can share a visual intimacy with a partner or ourselves with minimal preparation and scheduling. In just 5 minutes we can find a safe space, calm and visual intimacy. Simply put, we can schedule a 5 minute window and be: together with ourselves and/or our partners. With a partner the physical component can include:

  • looking into each other’s eyes
    • smiling at each other
    • make faces at each other
    • being
      • silly,
      • serious
      • seductive
  • taking turns closing our eyes
    • allowing our partner to observe us; our posture and features
  • adjust the light –
    • experience
      • the dark
      • shadows
      • daylight
      • overhead lights
      • candle light
      • screen light

This can include any light sources you may have and wish to share.

Contemplation & Comfort

Contemplate the effect of different light on our comfort, our eyes and our partners. If we are playing solo, then we can use a mirror and express/experience all of the same practice with ourselves. Ultimately, it is most important that we enjoy the silence; together.

(If 5 minutes seems daunting, start with 1 minute and increase the number of minutes over time.)

What is important is the intention and commitment to the process and not the time itself. In other words, counting the seconds and “watching the clock” to ensure that we make it to 5 minutes minimizes the intimate effect of the experience.

Verbal exercises

Photo by Charry Jin on Scopio

There are a variety of way to express ourselves with our voices.

In other words, we have a great many of options when exploring sound and pleasure with our partners and ourselves.

Testing, testing,… one two three

Sitting together in a quiet space, we can explore the sound of our voice and how it feels to make and hear the sounds that come out of our mouths. We can:

  • Whisper
  • Hum
  • Sing
  • Speak softly
  • Speak loudly
  • Whistle
  • Yell
  • Scream
  • Growl
  • Read out loud
  • Recite poetry or prose
  • Purr
  • an so on…

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

Aldous Huxley

Another option we have to share with ourselves and our partners is music.

We can experience music together or solo: We can share: favorite songs, bands, genres. Adjust volume, treble and base. Listen to spoken word, audiobooks, podcasts, or radio plays. All of these can be both enriching and enlightening as we learn more and more about each other, ourselves and our preferences and passions.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Priceless

One the one hand we want to share ourselves and our experiences. On the other hand we want to experience our partner, their preferences and pleasures. Auditory exchange is a great way to do this. Keep in mind that sharing and discussing our preferences and pleasures is always a positive experience for a relationship. This is true whether our preferences, passions and pleasures are shared in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe mutual environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless.

All the activities described can be utilized at any time and anywhere we feel safe and supported by our partners. In other words, once we have established trust and respect in our relationships, we can whisper sweet nothings, look into each other’s eyes, smile at each other, listen to each other, share our thoughts and ideas any where and any time. So take a chance and try telling each other… something special.

This is Sean. Try sharing some time and something special with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 49

Intimate Space

In the Zone

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me.

W. H. Auden
Photo by Lean Lui on Scopio

TOUCH (2)

And here we are again. This is Sean and we are going to continue our exploration of touching exercises to enhance and support our intimate experiences and desires.

Last time we played with announcing our desires to touch and caressing our hands and feet.

Again, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

5 minutes of intimacy

This is a simple silent exercise. We can share a physical intimacy with a partner or ourselves with minimal preparation and scheduling. In just 5 minutes we can find a safe space, warmth and physical intimacy. Simply put, we can schedule a 5 minute window and be: together with ourselves and with our partners.

With a partner the physical component can include:

  • Holding hands
  • Playing footsie
  • Hugging
  • Leaning on each other
  • Sitting back to back
  • Shoulder to shoulder
  • Spooning …

Most important is that we enjoy the silence; together.

If 5 minutes seems daunting, start with 1 minute and increase the number of minutes over time. What is important is the intention and commitment to the process and not the time itself. In other words, counting the seconds and “watching the clock” to ensure that we make it to 5 minutes minimizes the intimate effect of the experience.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Back to Back

Another aspect of intimacy is trust. Blind trust is something that most of us find challenging. This exercise can help us to build trust and intimacy without having to actively express anything, except being. This is primarily a partnered exercise.

  • We can sit on the floor, on cushions, a sofa or a bed. 
  • Sitting facing opposite direction a way from each other.
  • Scooting backwards until our backs are touching.
  • Pushing together until we are together comfortably, back to back.
  • From here we just take the time we have planned to be together and enjoy our togetherness.
  • That’s it.
  • Spending time being in the same space and experiencing the physicality of our partners existence.

We can sit with our eyes open or closed. If we want, we can read something or listen to soft music. The intention is to be together without expressing or experiencing expectations. This allows us to enjoy the company, free from a need to perform.  

If practicing this exercise solo, I would suggest pressing my back against a wall from head to bum. Try breathing in and out with my eyes closed and experiencing the pressure and pleasure of the full back sensation and variation of tactile experiences while beathing, flexing and relacing my head, neck, shoulders, hips and bum.

Photo by Joslyn Kramer on Scopio

Being There; Being Here

The fact is that people are good. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.

Abraham Maslow

There are a thousand ways for us to express and experience our own and our partner’s touch. What is most important is to find the ways which work for us and enhance and support these experiences with intention, awareness, and communication over time.

Try to remember that announcing our intention and discussing our desires is always a positive experience for a relationship. This is true whether our desires and intentions are welcomed in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe affectionate environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless. All the activities described can be utilized at any time anywhere where we feel safe and supported by our partners. In other words, we can hold hands on a stroll, lean on each other in the bus, play footsie under the table in a restaurant and so on. So take a chance and try touching each other.

Photo by Cheyanne Ponder on Scopio

This is Sean. Try expressing your intentions and desires with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 48

Intimate Space

Get in Touch (1)

We are back! This is Sean. And we are here to talk about our bodies and how we learn to share our physicality and play with our senses.

We learn and have been tought that we have essentially five physical senses:

  • Sight
  • Hearing
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Touch
Photo by Ira Mironyak on Scopio

Simply put, our sense of touch is the one which we have the greatest potential to control and calibrate. We can manipulate touch to fulfil our desires and wishes. And, through choice, consent and control we can determine where, when and how we experience touch from ourselves and others. 

Together with me, myself, and I ….. maybe with you too

In other words, we are able to experiment, play and learn to touch our partners and ourselves to enhance and support both pleasure and intimacy.

We are going to toy with a variety of playful exercises to discover how we experience and interpret touch both for ourselves and our partners. Essentially, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

“Touch has a memory.”

John Keats
Photo by valentina alvarez on Scopio

Consent & Caress

Individual execution of these following exercises implies consent. We are, in most if not all cases, individually aware and able to give ourselves our consent.

Paar and group exercises should include a brief description of the exercise and a verbal and or visual explicit expression of consent.

Verbal Touch

Announcing our intentions and desires with a request for consent can help us to create an environment where consent becomes the basis of our phyiscial communication with each other. This practice can include statements like:

  • I would love to kiss you right now.
  • I want to hug you.
  • May I hold your hand.
  • I wish to kiss your neck.
  • I am thinking about pecking your cheek.
  • May I pat your bum….

All of these statements should be followed with a pause until your partner responds with a Yes/No response to your request.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Positive / Negative =

Positive Responses  

  • Come on.
  • Go for it.
  • Sure.
  • I would like that.
  • Yes, please—

Negative Responses

  • Please wait till later. 
  • Give me 5 minutes.
  • Maybe later.  
  • I’m not available for that (right now).
  • Could you ask again – later/ in 5 minutes/ in an hour.

These exchanges quickly establish a safe and respectful intimacy between partners that can carry over to the rest of the relationship. This creates a relationship where both acceptance and rejection of impulses and requests become emotionally neutral and are perceived as equally viable and sensible in our intimate and physical exchanges.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Fingers & Toes

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

Charles Dickens

To start, we can consider our hands and fingers as being both extremely sensitive and practically accessible for practicing touching caressing and feeling our own and our partners touch. This touch can be handled with a variety of pressure, speed, area and volume. Our hands include: fingers, palms, wrists, fingernails and the backs. All of these can be used to share and exchange touch and physical intimacy.

This exercise begins:

  1. With a brief description hand holding and touching and the determination of a “Safe Word” which is said to immediately pause/stop the exercise.
  2. One partner chooses to be giving and the other receiving.
  3. The receiving partner sits with their eyes closed and their hands in their lap or on a table.
  4. The giving partner touches their partners hands beginning lightly, slowly with their fingers exploring the back, palm, fingers, and so on….
  5. After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc.
  6. This movement advances to include the use of the entire surface of the active hands to caress the passive hands involving more pressure, surface varying the speed of movement…  
  7. After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc. 
  8. This exploration can continue to include tightly holding, patting, slapping, scratching or massaging the receiving partner’s hands.
  9. All of these variation should include verbal confirmation of comfort, sensation, interest and attention.
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Variations:

  • Steps 1 – 9 can immediately be repeated with partners changing roles.
  • 1 through 9 can be repeated with partners changing roles at another time.
  • Steps 1 through 9 can be repeated touching with the giving partner touching the receiving partner’s feet & toes, rather than their hands.

Nothing is so healing as the human touch.

Bobby Fischer

Awareness is Key

Being aware of our partner’s reaction and responses to our touch can help to inspire greater understanding and intimacy among us.

This exercise can be just as inspiring and informative when performed solo. This would involve choosing a giving and a receiving hand, closing our eyes and allowing the exploration to begin. 😊

That is all for now! We will have more touching exercises next time.

Photo by Ben Kao on Scopio

This is Sean. Try touching yourself with awareness (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 44

Relationships & The In Between

A laughing matter

Photo by Albert Morcillo on Scopio

Live. Love. Laugh. – Not necessarily in that order. Sean here again. We are back to the business of building, maintaining and/or repairing our HHIA Relationships.

Rituals were on the menu last time. And now, we are up for a good time and creating an environment where we feel like laughing, smiling or maybe just smirking.  

Laugh Love Life

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“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.”

Charlie Chaplin

Just for the record, laughter is love-ly in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, smiles are sensational and even a smirk is something special. In other words, smiles and laughter are universal, collective and best when collaborative.  

Smiling not only affects our face. Truth be told, when we smile, the muscles we use to smile affect the chemistry in our brains (it takes at least 30 seconds). Smiling makes us happier. At the same time, smiles make us more attractive and approachable.

Jahahaha

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And, where does laughter come from? Babies laugh and coo right from the start. Although, some experts suggest this is just a bit of gas, new researchers suggest humor starts to form far earlier than most theories of humor currently admit. The body is „laughing“ on it’s own. So, perhaps, laughter springs from existence and being alive. As we grow up, we learn more about humor, comedy, wit, sarcasm, farce and hilarity to the point of absurdity. This can all be learnt and discovered both, directly and indirectly.

Where exactly do we find humor and laughs?

  • Jokes
  • Jests
  • Puns
  • Wordplay
  • Wit
  • Commentary
  • Parody
  • Spoofs
  • Mimes
  • Comics
  • Satirists
  • Stories
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Funny Bunny

Photo by Alexa Martinez on Scopio

On the one hand we hear puns, jokes, anecdotes and funny tales of adventure. Think of Bugs Bunny, Daffy, or perhaps, the Coyote. We are all able to find and create the fun and the funny when we allow our imaginations and ideas to run wild, wierd, off-the-wall and wily. On the other hand, we can experience humor all around us when we acknowledge it. As with rituals, intent and awareness are essential to a good sense of, let’s say, humor.

„If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.“

Marilyn Monroe

Oh, Ho Ho

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Actually, laughing is a great stress reliever and used in therapeutic settings to encourage the immune system and reduce tension. Actually, smiling also has quite a few positive personal benifits as well. In our HHIA Relationships the same results can be seen .

Lightening the mood and letting us relax, laughter and humor can be really effective for establishing a bond. This bond establishes our similitude. Ultimately, being on par with one another encourages us to share and advances our feelings of intimacy and trust.  In other words, being in on the joke or sharing a funny thought with our significant others allows them to feel closer to us and share more of themselves as well.

Har Har Har

Ultimately, we want to be sure that our partners, friends and lovers understand that they are in on it! We are all laughing together with each other; not at each other. This is an essential aspect of bonding and creating safe spaces for all of us to open up and share the lust and love for each other and ourselves in a fun, intimate, and even sometimes silly space!

This is Sean. Try laughing at yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

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.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 43

In Between

Ritual Romance

Sean here! And after our jaunt into relationship rituals last time, we are back. As I suggested, we are going to look at romance, romantic rituals and ritual romance in our HHIA Relationships and our lives in general.

To start, romance, love relationships and rituals are all separate and can be combined in a million different ways. Each of our HHIA relationships have a unique blend of these four elements. Every relationship is unique and our combination of relationship, romance, ritual and love are one of a kind.

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Definitions

For reference, let’s consider the definition of romance. According to Merriam-Webster romance is “a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural”. And just for the record, this is not a practical expectation in our relationships. A more realistic definition might be „a love affair“.

Romance

Each of us has a different and unique relationship to romance. And let’s be clear, romance, although often confused with love, is not love. In real life true romance is not an escape but rather supports our lives, our truths and our relationships.

Specifically, “Hollywood Romance”, “Romance Novels” and most of what our society sells as “ROMANCE” is at best a supernatural fantasy no one can live up to. At worst “ROMANCE” is a medieval legend that makes us feel less than; less than our peers, partners and friends.

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Romantic Notions

Secondly, butterflies, rainbows, and seing stars are great when they are great and even more so when they are mutual. Otherwise, they can distract us from the truth that we are creating trust and intimacy with another adult human being.

In other words, the things that turn my head, put a smile on my lips and a skip in my step may not be the same as my partner or you. I would suggest that the most romantic thing we can do is to meet our partners where they are and engage them as they need and want to be engaged. Listening and responding to their needs and desires is the most considerate and threfore romantic gesture we can offer. Always try to keep your partners in mind.

“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are a bourbon biscuit.”

Frida Kahlo
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Romance4Real

On the one hand, our intentions and expectations are built on our experiences, understanding and awareness. On the other, our partners intentions and expectations are built on their experiences, understanding and awareness. Finding the in between is where we can build intimacy and even promote our own unique romance when we desire it and recognize it for what it is.

Romantic Rituals

Romance in the day to day includes making coffee and/or drinking the coffee that is made. Any number of chores, tasks or jobs that support our partners as well as recognizing their efforts to do the same. These are the true romantic gestures in our daily lives.

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Daily romantic rituals can include:

  • Notes
  • Texts
  • Emojis
  • “I love you” s  
  • Making coffee
  • Quick calls
  • Snuggling on the sofa
  • Cooking
  • Kisses
  • Hand holding
  • Doing a little dance
  • Sitting together for a minute or two

All the many things that make you feel closer to each other.

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“We loved with a love that was more than love.”

Edgar Allen Poe

Real Life Romance

Ultimately, our individual HHIA Relationships can be infused with romantic rituals from anniversaries to date nights and coffee in bed to foot massage Friday. It is up to you to determine together which rituals are best for you and your partners.

The variety can include:

  • Going to dinner
  • Cooking dinner
  • Reading to one another
  • Reading in silence together
  • Brunching together
  • Time together
  • Time apart
  • Going for a drive together
  • Working out together
  • Shopping together
  • Buying flowers
  • Sitting together
  • Holding hands
  • Doing the laundry together     

An important aspect of romantic rituals is that all parties involved understand and acknowledge the intimacy & trust building happening. This, intention and awareness, helps us to avoid habits and patterns that reduce our feelings of togetherness and intimacy.

We all deserve to be met where we are by someone who recognizes and accepts us as we are. This is real romance.  

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This is Sean. Try being aware of your romantic intentions for yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 40

In Between Each Other

Living Together (5)

Sean still here! And right now, we are going to take a look at moving in together and living under one roof. This is a direction many of our relationships take and is supported whole heartily by many of our societies, cultures and traditions, including marriages.

Simultaneously a wonder to explore and a challenge for ourselves and our partners/friends/spouses/families to embrace. In this moment we begin to share not only our lives but our communal space and time as well. 

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Under One Roof

In other words, our sharing becomes shared and our lives tend become a life while our intimacy expands into our daily lives and infuses our time and space with our partners. On the one hand, this can be very comforting. On the other hand, challenges to our patience and understanding are built in to the permanence and constant communal existence. We discover that we are together:

  • at home
  • in the living room
  • on the balcony
  • on the sofa
  • in the kitchen
  • at the stove
  • in the fridge
  • in bed
  • at dinner
  • at breakfast
  • in the middle of the night
  • in the bathroom
  • under the shower
  • in the mirror
  • everywhere
  • every day of the week.
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Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Joan Crawford

Home… Hearth

This coexistence and cohabitation can simultaneously intensify our feelings and challenge our relationships. However, we find ourselves in an intensified reality with limited opportunity for privacy, solitude or retreat.

Hence, how do we maintain, enjoy and find joy in our relationships while sharing our lives, our space, our time and our privacy? In other words, what happens to our relationships when we cohabitate?

Notice the Pandemic…

And these questions have been intensified by over a year of social isolation and distancing. Most of us who have been living with our partners/spouses from the beginning of the current pandemic are still here and still surviving and thriving as best we can. As are our friends, lovers and families who live alone or with roommates! AND IT IS OK – to do the best we can. Speaking to each other, to a confidant and to ourselves, and Laughing out loud helps a lot: 😊😊 Smiling does too!

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Good News

Strategies, action and awareness can be employed at any time in our relationships to improve, refresh, expand, intensify and enhance our experiences with each other. One way to explore this is to take time for each other together. Check out the 5-Minute Exercises (Last Blog-Lesson)!! 😊

Love is a decision…not an emotion

Lao Tzu

Only Good News

When we actively choose to be together and communicate with each other, every and any challenge can be met, addressed and overcome. Often with good humor, happy thoughts and warm fuzzy feelings.  

A few daily options include:

  • Touching
  • Holding hands
  • Smiling at each other
  • Air kisses, light kisses, long kisses
  • Hugging with your eyes closed
  • Saying “I like you” – „I appreciate you“ – “I love you”
  • Hugging with your eyes open
  • Sharing flowers: real and digital
  • Sharing compliments
  • Saying „I am sorry“ – „I understand“ – „It’s my fault“ – I’ll try“
  • Talking to each other
  • Dancing together
  • Sitting in silence
  • Being together, on purpose
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Communicating

Most important is to find and share the things we enjoy and like about each other and support and encourage those things. Most of the others are less significant and inconsequential when they are address, clarified and understood.

This is Sean. Try saying nice things to yourself (and to those who are important to you) every day this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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