Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 11

Fantasy (2)

Photo by Awi Deskabelly on Scopio

Potentially Problematic Fantasies & Fantasy Objects

We are back with a bit more about Fantasy. This is Sean. Last time we spoke about fantasy and its relationship with self-consent.

All fantasies are potentially positive, instructive and helpful. Still, some fantasies express themselves within taboos, questionable events or with questionable focus. 

Private or Secret

When we think about fantasy it can be helpful to consider if the fantasy is private or a secret. To clarify, privacy is a safe and personal space where we can grow and explore ourselves. However secrets tend to be inherently, or internally considered unmentionable or wrong.

Again, we should remember that objectification is the absense of consent. This does not support the creation or development of HHIA relationships.

Objectification = Absence of Consent

In other words, the focus of our fantasies onto a specific object, when this object is unaware, unavailable, or unsuitable for HHIA relationships, can be harmful. Because we can find ourselves emotionally or physically acting out in less than ideal ways. 

Consequently finding ourselves in unhealthy, unsatisfying and even illegal situations. This depending on our fantasy object and our responses, actions and expression of those fantasies.

Photo by Ridzma Aminuddin on Scopio

Maybe not in your best interest

Fantasy objects and other fantasies that may not be in your best interest fall into three categories:

  • First: Those fantasy objects which are specific people who do not know you, whom you don’t know or who aren’t aware of your interest in them. 

The challenge of a specific unknown or unknowing fantasy object, whether it be a celebrity, an ex, or a specific stranger, is their emotional unavailability and your isolation. This disconnect between fantasy and reality can become an obsession. Thereby, restricting our ability to experience real feelings and real attraction. 

  • Second: There are four potential objects, specific objects or individuals which are unavailable for HHIA Relationships as explored in our first lesson-blog. In other words: children, animals, relatives and the no longer living.

On the one hand we have the potential real-world trouble with a specific unsuitable fantasy object: negative social cultural and legal consequences. On the other is the negative emotional response to such a fantasy object. This can be feelings of guilt, shame or humiliation.

  • Finally: The third category of fantasy object or activity which can be challenging is a fantasy which you personally find repulsive, dirty, or “wrong”. Thus, it is unmentionable or taboo for you. These can include a variety of non-conformist, alternative or violent activities.

Working with a partner or a professional to explore the reasons for your uncomfortability could be helpful.

Fantasy – Management

However, fantasies in themselves are healthy and serve a purpose as explored last time.

Because we are talking primarily about narrowing or limiting a fantasy; youth, beauty, excitement, and such, to a specific object, this focus can be avoided or averted through communication. This could be a dialogue with yourself, your partner, a close friend, or a therapist. In this way a fantasy which seems to be a secret can be transformed into a private matter for yourself or you and an intimate partner.

Photo by Awi Deskabelly on Scopio

Giving consent to ourselves and others

All fantasies can potentially be shared and explored with a (the right) partner or partners who are appropriate for an HHIA relationship. This is a choice you can make when ever you are ready. If you need or want help, please, contact me or a professional you can trust.

Thank you for your attention and consideration. I am available and interested in your questions and comments about fantasies; your own or in general. 

Next time we’ll be moving away from fantasy to explore some reality. 

Sweet dreams, till then. – More about me.

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