Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy (Happy) Intimate HHIA Relationships 4

Female, Male; In, Out and In Between (1)

We are back for Blog-lesson number 4: Female, Male, In, Out and In Between (1). This is Sean and I am excited to continue our exploration of our expression and attraction to ourselves and others.

After discussing the continuum of attraction and the works of Alfred Kinsey in Blog-Lesson 2, we can now explore the continuum of gender to which we are attracted. And where we find ourselve, as well.

At first glance female and male appear to be opposites and completely different from one another. At a second glance even the biology of our species shows us something completely different.  

Gender Genetically Speaking

Genetically, and generally, speaking, our understanding today, is that gender starts with a chromosome pair XX-Female and XY-Male, respectively. In other words, genetically, 2 X’s develop into a female body and and an X and a Y create a male body per our current genetic understanding.

At the same time this is only one the of 23 chromosome pairs in the Human DNA. As such the 22 Chromosomal pairs complete the DNA, building block, of each individual, the foundation of the person we become. Then there are are also variations of multiple X and Y chromosomes.

The Female Truth

In addition the basic truth about gender development is that the Y chromosome is the initiator and catalyst for the development which modifies an embryo to create a boy. And yet, the Y chromosome is still one half of a pair (XY). In other words, we all have an X chromosome, start out female and remain at least 50% female our entire lives. Let that sink in.

A Spectrum

Gender Roles, masculinity and femininity can also be seen as a spectrum in a variety of aspects and degrees of experience. These include individual, familial, societal and cultural aspects and eperiences. Then we incorporate our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual development on top and in between. There is great variation in our experience of ourselves physically, psychologically, socially and culturally. Therefore to explore your personal relationship to masculinity and femininity, I would suggest a system of questions similar to the ones in Blog-Lesson 2 using masculinity and femininity (See Definitions) on a scale with two sets of questions about your expression and attraction:

Questions For You

1. How do I express myself physically?1. What am I attracted to Physically?
2. How do I express myself emotionally2.  What am I attracted to emotionally? 
3. How do I express myself intellectually3. What am I attracted to intellectually?
4.  How do I express myself spiritually?4. What am I attracted to spiritually?

Then put the answer to each question into the scale below:

Only     Masculine
Mostly Masculine
More Masculine
3 Equal Both4
More Feminine
Mostly Feminine
Only Feminine
1 E/A       
2 E/A       
3 E/A       
4 E/A       

Then just add the answers together (EXPRESSION and then ATTRACTION separately) and divide by four to get an idea of how you see yourself and those you are attracted to on a wholistic continuum of masculine and feminine ideals, your ideal expression and attraction. 

And there you have it : „Lesson 4“ Take a minute and explore how you see yourself and the people around you. That is all from me for now. If you have any questions or want more information you can contact me. I will be back for our next Blog-lesson where we will talk more about the physicality of attraction. More about me

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