Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 19

Healing (3)

Experience is still the best teacher

Hello everyone. Sean here. After looking at our firsts. We are back at last (Truthfully, it has only been a week.).

Remembering our firsts helped us to get a handle on our past. I am back to talk about our experiential learning. Two Blog-Lessons ago we looked at our earliest experiences and our memories. I hope the exercise was insightful and more pleasure than pain.

So, let’s to continue to heal. Our next step after looking at our initial experiences is to look at our current experiences. In otherwords, remembering and contemplating our experiences are key to being aware of what and how we have learned from the world around us. As we have navigated our way through the world our experiences have taught us how to interact with others and how to respond to our impulses and our own truth.

And what exactly is the next step?

Photo by Zulkifli Ampatuan on Scopio

Last Time

We can restructure our record of our first experiences. For instance, with one word change. We change first to last. It could look something like this:  

  • my last kiss
  • my last date
  • my last tongue kiss
  • my last intimate experience
  • the last time:
  • I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • I asked someone out
  • Someone gave me flowers
  • I slept with someone

and so on. This list should be as detailed and explicit as your firsts list.

(The lists and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

Photo by Maritza Hernandez on Scopio

Last Dance

Once we have our new „last“ inventory we can rate it 1 – 5 one being fantastic and five being the opposite! In each case whatever the opposite might be: i.e. embarrassing, uncomfortable, etc. Just like the first time!

  • my last kiss = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last date = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last dance = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last tongue kiss = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last intimate experience = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • the last time:
  • I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender) = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • I asked someone out = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • Someone gave me flowers = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • I slept with someone = WOW-2-3-4-5

To be clear, I would again recommend giving yourself approximately an hour for the exercise. Do your best to be honest and fair in your evaluation (ratings) without being too judgemental.

Once you have completed your list of last experiences:

Take a minute! Breathe! …And Smile! You have survived them!

Photo by Blake Silva on Scopio


A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Mark Twain

We can expand our inventory by adding our own adjective to the number one ratings and the number five (5) ratings.

This could end up looking like this:

  • My last kiss – lovely (1)
  • My last dance – ecstatic (1)
  • the last time:
  • I saw someone naked (same gender) – exciting (3)
  • I asked someone out – nice (2)
  • I had a one night stand – unsatisfying (5)

This has been quite a bit of memories and processing!

Photo by Allyson Zajac on Scopio

Best for Last

If you are up for it, take a look at your two lists. and see how things have changed from your first to your last experiences. When we compare our responses to our firsts and our lasts, we can get a picture of our development and the “results” of our choices, positive and negative.

Otherwise, put your lasts away. Put them with your firsts. You can come back to them later.

I would love to hear how things look.

Next time we are going to talk about our inventories and perhaps explore the „in between“, best, worst, most…, least… or something like that. This is Sean saying “Be nice to you!” Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –123456789101112131415161718

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