Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 23

Touch

From Head to Toe

Welcome Back! Sean Here – I hope you enjoyed our body exercises last time. Becoming aware of our bodies and our touch can be an interesting and enriching experience. Our bodies are both our „temples and our „playgrounds“. Therefore we are also encouraged to play with/in and enjoy our bodies as well.

I touch myself

In this vein, we are going to go through a touching exercise. We are going to be activily touching and passively being touched over our entire bodies. We can go though the exercise playfully and with self-love. You can be comfortably dressed or undressed. It is all up to you! I would suggest reading through the entire exercise before starting. Then, go for it! Be affectionate to you:

  • We are going to start out standing or sitting confortably.
  • Place your hands on the top of your head.
  • Lay them there and close your eyes.
  • Feel your crown, your hair, your hands.
  • Feel your hands on your head.
  • Caress, pat or reposition your hands on your head.
  • Do this with more and less pressure;
  • add some pressure and lighten the pressure a few times.
Photo by Zuzi Janek on Scopio

Face

What do you feel on your head and in your hands? Do you like the way it feels?

  • Now touch your face.
  • Your forehead, your nose,
  • Caress your cheeks and your jaw and your chin.
  • Lay your hands flat, feel them, let them feel you.
  • Let your fingers trace and explore your face.
  • Adjust the pressure from light to firm and back again. How does all of this feel: in your hands, on your fingers and on your face.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your face?

Neck

  • Clasp your fingers around the back of your neck.
  • Hold your hands to your neck.
  • Loosen your fingers and cares your neck and throat.
  • Slide your hands around your throat and neck from the base of your skull to your shoulders, from your collar bone up to your chin.

What do you feel on your neck, your throat. How do you feel in your hands? Do you like it? Do you enjoy your own touch? The way you feel.

Chest, Arms

  • Lay your hands on your chest.
  • Let your fingers touch your chest, your nipples.
  • Run them over your chest, across, under your arms into your armpits.
  • Rub them over your shoulders,
  • Along your arms down to your elbows, fore arms and your hands.
  • Let your hands move back up along your wrists, fore arms elbows, shoulders and back to your chest.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your chest, arms and hands? Are you enjoying the affection?

Photo by Alan Rodriguez on Scopio

Hips, heels

  • Let your hands travel from your chest to our belly.
  • Rub your belly.
  • Let your hands flow around your belly
  • Move them up and down your flank from your ribs to your hips.
  • Let your hands flow to your lower back.
  • Run them along your hips.
  • Trace your fingers across your upper thighs and into your lap.
  • Caress your legs and touch your pelvis.
  • Let your hands rest in your lap.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your belly, your lower back and in your lap. Do you like your touch? Do you like being touched? Are you enjoying the affection? How do you feel to yourself?

Legs

  • Move your hands along your inner thighs to your knees.
  • Trace your fingers and hand around your knee.
  • Glide them behind your knees.
  • Slide along your outer thigh up to your buttom/buttocks.

What do you feel on your legs, knees, bottom, and in your hands? Do you like the way this feels?

Feet

  • Run your hands back down the back/side of your legs to your calves.
  • Caress your claves, your shins.
  • Hold your Ankles.
  • Sit or lie down.
  • Take one foot in your hand.
  • Rub your foot.
  • Trace your heal and toes with your fingers.
  • Touch the top of your foot.
  • Release and Relax.
Photo by Kirill Gudkov on Scopio

Take a moment and reflect on your experience, your thoughts and feeling.

(The lists, exercises, and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

I hope your exploration and excursion along your body was adventurous and a pleasure. If anything was uncomfortable or tense, you can try the entire exercise or just one section more slowly. You can also try being firmer or gentler with your touch. Have fun and play with yourself. 🙂

It would be great to hear your thoughts. Have a great day.

This is Sean signing off. Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –12345678910111213141516171819202122

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 21

Mindset

Sean here! Back in the saddle and looking forward.

We are back to continue towards our best selves and our best relationships. In other words, we are here to learn and lead from our experiences towards our goals and desires.   

With our recognition and examination of our past and present experiences as well as the best, worst and inspiring interactions and intimate experiences, we are now ready to go one step further and look at our wants and desires. 

Let’s get down to brass tacks:

Photo by Lucas Lorizio

Where is your head at?

When you look inward, what do you see as the ideal life/relationship? On the one hand how independent are you? How much „me time“ do you need? How much do you have? On the other hand how much couple time, social time, group time do you find most comfortable?

Are you single? Or are you in a relationship? Are you married?

Relationship status is often just another label, a status symbol to help us make sense of the world.

Firstly, singles often get to make their own decisions and choose for themselves alone.

Secondly, people in relationships have an affininty and an expressed responsibility or fealty to one or more others depending on the nature of the relationship.

Thirdly, married people are really established in their positions as being governmentally and socially recognized as being related to another person with whom they are attached financially and legally.

Ultimately, this is a pretty big deal for most of us. Where do you see yourself in an ideal world?

Photo by Juan Pablo Lopez Rostro

Do you feel loved?

Love is something that we feel for ourselves and others. Hopefully we love ourselves as much if not more than the others in our lives. This is a really good place to start. If this is not the case, it is important to consider how and why your selflove has been diminished. This is not a “game changer” or a prerequisite for relationship building. To be clear, however, self-love is an important aspect to establishing comfort, trust and awareness of our needs and boundaries.

Are you in love?

When you think of that someone (someones) special in your life, do you feel love? Are you inspired by a feeling of attraction, respect and appreciation of the people you have around you and in your intimate daily life? Is there someone or some ideal which inspires you to such feelings and aspirations?

Photo by Mary Pcholkina

Is there romance in your life, in your mind or in your heart?

Ultimately, the above questions and thoughts are important for you and your consideration. After all of these thoughts and considerations it is time to think about “What to do?”. In this vein, how much romance do you have in your life?

Romance and romantic are extremely individual and often overblown in our media and advertising to sell the idea of being loved. In my experience romance is the act of being in love and inspiring love in yourself and others. This is my understanding of romance.

Our culture puts a lot of restrictions and fantastical expectations on romance. Between the perfect lingerie, perfect grooming, perfect timing and perfection itself we mostly fall short of the idealized and cinematic romance of our cultural expectations.

Truthfully, romance is more than “spontaneous overflowing perfect expressions of love”. Really, romance can be as small as a knowing smile or as large as sky writing “I LOVE YOU” or as simple as a small snack to share.

However, romance can also include emptying the dishwasher… because your partner is coming home late, or taking out the trash to “spruce up” the kitchen before dinner.   

Photo by Jun Pinzon

Is there romance in your schedule?

Ultimately, romance is expressing love for yourself and/or for your partner. Why shouldn’t we make time for this kind of action. We make time for so many other things. We call this scheduling.

My suggestion at this point is to look at your schedule or your week if your schedule is that open and consider where and when you want to express and inspire love this week.

This is Sean. Be good to you and inspire love when you can. I would love to hear what you think about all of this. Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –1234567891011121314151617181920

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 20

4 REAL

Healing (4)

Nothing ever becomes real ‚til it is experienced.

John Keats

Hi Y’all! This is Sean here! We are back! After looking at our firsts and our lasts! We are back again. The following exercise(s) will help to round out our experience inventories. Hence, we are going to take a fourth turn on the memory rollercoaster/carousel. We might even go three times around on this fourth round.

On the one hand our firsts helped us to look at our initial experiences. On the opther looking at our last experiences allowed us to contemplate our present reality. We are now going to look at some events in between.

Photo by Leenit Malkar on Scopio

Time after Time

In other words, we have the chance to use a different filter to look at our experiences and our memories of events which we have repeated, time after time, as well as, our interpretation of these events. That is to say, using a few superlatives we can customise our inventories to flesh out our feelings and thoughts about our intimate relationships and experiences.

In the last three Blog-Lesson we reviewed the most significant people in our lives, earliest experiences, and our most recent experiences and our memories. Hopefully these exercises were insightful and more titilating than torture.

Opposites

So, let’s to continue on our way. The next step is to choose which direction we want to focus on. Some identifier options include:

  • best – worst
  • perfect – imperfect/worst
  • funniest – most serious/boring
  • most favourite – least favourite

This is your inventory and you can choose any identifers you wish. I would recommend starting with opposites. Then you can choose how many memories you want to explore between 10 to 15. To be clear, I would again recommend giving yourself approximately an hour for the exercise. This would be between 4 to 6 minutes per memory.

Special Attention

You can also choose 5 encounters per identifier and then choose a third identifier for variety like:

  • most memorable,
  • best story,
  • secret/most private

Remember this is a meditation for you and you alone to begin with. This allows you to decide which identifiers work best for you.

And what exactly is the next step?

Photo by Jeffrey Kieffer on Scopio

This Time

We can restructure the records of our first/last experiences and select the ones you would like to revisit. For instance, with one word change. We change first to last. It could look something like this:  

  • 1. my favourite kiss
  • 2. my favourite date
  • the favourite time:
  • 3. I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • 4. I asked someone out
  • 5. I slept with someone
  • 6. my least favourite kiss
  • 7. my least favourite date
  • the least favourite time:
  • 8. I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • 9. I asked someone out
  • 10. I slept with someone
  • 11. my best kiss story
  • 12. my best date story
  • the best story about the time:
  • 13. I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • 14. I asked someone out
  • 15. I slept with someone

Something like this. This list should include events from your firsts and lasts list.

(The lists and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

Identify

Once we have our new „indentifier“ inventory we can add the first three words that come to mind:

For example:

  • my favourite kiss = husband, first, dancing
  • my least favourite date = whiskey, art, disaster
  • the best story about the time:
  • I asked someone out = bar, bet, YES

To be clear, I would again recommend giving yourself approximately an hour for this contemplation. Do your best to be honest about the first thoughts and words you use to deepen the experience without being too judgemental.

Once you have completed your list of identified interactions with your key words:

Take a minute! Breathe! …And Smile! You have survived them as well. Congratulations!

We have done quite a bit of memories and processing!

Photo by William Shum on Scopio

Inventory Alignment

The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.

Craig Charles

We can look at our inventories – people, firsts, lasts and defined by printing them out and laying them side by side. Looking at them and their ratings and remembering our defined – (best, worst, funniest) can help us to explore not only our histories and experiences, it can als offer us an insight into our feelings, thoughts, opinions and preferences. Additionally we can begin to understand where these thougths and feelings come from.

Memory

If you are up for it, take a look at your four lists and see where there are similarities and differences. Look at how things have changed from your first to your last experiences and what happended in between. When we put our responses side by sides we can get a picture of our development and begin to understand the “results” of our choices, both positive and negative.

Otherwise, put your inventories away and let them rest for a while. Let them be. You can come back to them later. The meditations themselves are a big step towards healing and owning our presence and voice in our relationships.

I would love to hear how things are going.

Next time we are going to think about our thought and feelings and how this affects our ability to relate.

This is Sean

“Be good to you!”

Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –12345678910111213141516171819

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 19

Healing (3)

Experience is still the best teacher

Hello everyone! Sean here! After looking at our firsts! We are back at last! (Truthfully, it has only been a week.)

Remembering our firsts helped us to get a handle on our past. I am back to talk about our experiential learning. Two Blog-Lessons ago we looked at our earliest experiences and our memories. I hope the exercise was insightful and more pleasure than pain.

So, let’s to continue to heal. Our next step after looking at our initial experiences is to look at our current experiences. In otherwords, remembering and contemplating our experiences are key to being aware of what and how we have learned from the world around us. As we have navigated our way through the world our experiences have taught us how to interact with others and how to respond to our impulses and our own truth.

And what exactly is the next step?

Photo by Zulkifli Ampatuan on Scopio

Last Time

We can restructure our record of our first experiences. For instance, with one word change. We change first to last. It could look something like this:  

  • my last kiss
  • my last date
  • my last tongue kiss
  • my last intimate experience
  • the last time:
  • I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender)
  • I asked someone out
  • Someone gave me flowers
  • I slept with someone

and so on. This list should be as detailed and explicit as your firsts list.

(The lists and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

Photo by Maritza Hernandez on Scopio

Last Dance

Once we have our new „last“ inventory we can rate it 1 – 5 one being fantastic and five being the opposite! In each case whatever the opposite might be: i.e. embarrassing, uncomfortable, etc. Just like the first time!

  • my last kiss = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last date = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last dance = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last tongue kiss = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • my last intimate experience = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • the last time:
  • I saw someone naked (same/opposite gender) = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • I asked someone out = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • Someone gave me flowers = WOW-2-3-4-5
  • I slept with someone = WOW-2-3-4-5

To be clear, I would again recommend giving yourself approximately an hour for the exercise. Do your best to be honest and fair in your evaluation (ratings) without being too judgemental.

Once you have completed your list of last experiences:

Take a minute! Breathe! …And Smile! You have survived them!

Photo by Blake Silva on Scopio

Adjectives

A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Mark Twain

We can expand our inventory by adding our own adjective to the number one ratings and the number five (5) ratings.

This could end up looking like this:

  • My last kiss – lovely (1)
  • My last dance – ecstatic (1)
  • the last time:
  • I saw someone naked (same gender) – 3
  • I asked someone out – 2 –
  • I had a one night stand – unsatisfying (5)

This has been quite a bit of memories and processing!

Photo by Allyson Zajac on Scopio

Best for Last

If you are up for it, take a look at your two lists. and see how things have changed from your first to your last experiences. When we compare our responses to our firsts and our lasts, we can get a picture of our development and the “results” of our choices, positive and negative.

Otherwise, put your lasts away. Put them with your firsts. You can come back to them later.

I would love to hear how things look.

Next time we are going to talk about our inventories and perhaps explore the „in between“, best, worst, most…, least… or something like that. This is Sean saying “Be nice to you!” Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –123456789101112131415161718