Sean here! Back in the saddle and looking forward.
We are back to continue towards our best selves and our best relationships. In other words, we are here to learn and lead from our experiences towards our goals and desires.
With our recognition and examination of our past and present experiences as well as the best, worst and inspiring interactions and intimate experiences, we are now ready to go one step further and look at our wants and desires.
Let’s get down to brass tacks:
When you look inward, what do you see as the ideal life/relationship? On the one hand how independent are you? How much „me time“ do you need? How much do you have? On the other hand how much couple time, social time, group time do you find most comfortable?
Are you single? Or are you in a relationship? Are you married?
Relationship status is often just another label, a status symbol to help us make sense of the world.
Firstly, singles often get to make their own decisions and choose for themselves alone.
Secondly, people in relationships have an affininty and an expressed responsibility or fealty to one or more others depending on the nature of the relationship.
Thirdly, married people are really established in their positions as being governmentally and socially recognized as being related to another person with whom they are attached financially and legally.
Ultimately, this is a pretty big deal for most of us. Where do you see yourself in an ideal world?
Do you feel loved?
Love is something that we feel for ourselves and others. Hopefully we love ourselves as much if not more than the others in our lives. This is a really good place to start. If this is not the case, it is important to consider how and why your selflove has been diminished. This is not a “game changer” or a prerequisite for relationship building. To be clear, however, self-love is an important aspect to establishing comfort, trust and awareness of our needs and boundaries.
When you think of that someone (someones) special in your life, do you feel love? Are you inspired by a feeling of attraction, respect and appreciation of the people you have around you and in your intimate daily life? Is there someone or some ideal which inspires you to such feelings and aspirations?
Is there romance in your life, in your mind or in your heart?
Ultimately, the above questions and thoughts are important for you and your consideration. After all of these thoughts and considerations it is time to think about “What to do?”. In this vein, how much romance do you have in your life?
Romance and romantic are extremely individual and often overblown in our media and advertising to sell the idea of being loved. In my experience romance is the act of being in love and inspiring love in yourself and others. This is my understanding of romance.
Our culture puts a lot of restrictions and fantastical expectations on romance. Between the perfect lingerie, perfect grooming, perfect timing and perfection itself we mostly fall short of the idealized and cinematic romance of our cultural expectations.
Truthfully, romance is more than “spontaneous overflowing perfect expressions of love”. Really, romance can be as small as a knowing smile or as large as sky writing “I LOVE YOU” or as simple as a small snack to share.
However, romance can also include emptying the dishwasher… because your partner is coming home late, or taking out the trash to “spruce up” the kitchen before dinner.
Is there romance in your schedule?
Ultimately, romance is expressing love for yourself and/or for your partner. Why shouldn’t we make time for this kind of action. We make time for so many other things. We call this scheduling.
My suggestion at this point is to look at your schedule or your week if your schedule is that open and consider where and when you want to express and inspire love this week.