Schlagwort: Health

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 64

sean

Maintaining the Vibe

Priorities

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Why are we here?

“Energy is what I believe all of us are. We’re just conscious awareness dancing for itself for no other reason but to stay amused.”

Jim Carrey

Sean here! And, we are continuing our study of communication and our journey towards rapport, closeness, and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are reflecting on who we are and who we want to be with each other on our voyage together towards love, desire and understanding.

And while we are on our way, it is good to think about where and with whom we are actually going:

  • Where are we heading?  
  • Where do we want to be?
  • Who are we?
  • Who is by our side?
  • How do we get what we want?
  • Who do we want to be?
  • How do we keep things fresh and interesting?
  • When is enough enough?
  • Are we having a good time?
  • Why are we doing what we are doing?
  • Are we happy?

All of these questions are constantly being asked and answered consciously and unconsciously. In our relationships we find a version of ourselves reflected in our partners eyes and referenced in their comments. At the same time they find themselves reflected in our eyes and referenced in our comments. 

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Wants & Needs

You don’t get what you want. You get what you are.

Wayne Dyer

It is important for us to look and listen to our partners and ourselves in our relationships. On the one hand we want to be sure that we are being fair and honest in our expressions. On the other hand we want to our partners to understand and appreciate us as we are. In other words, we have the responsibility to take the time and make the effort to allow our partners and ourselves to understand and appreciate:

  • Who we are
  • What we think
  • How we feel
  • What is important to us
  • Why we do what we do

We can communicate these things through both words and actions. Actually, more important than taking the time is making the time and being in the moment. This allows us and our partners to comprehend and communicate clearly without misunderstandings. Being present allows us to hear, listen and process the thoughts and feelings of our partners and ourselves simultaneously.

Here & Now

Do not wait for life. Do not long for it. Be aware, always and at every moment, that the miracle is in the here and now.

Marcel Proust

Simply put, being in the moment and prioritizing ourselves, our significant others and our relationships helps us to appreciate and sustain the precious gifts we share with one another.  

Time, effort, intimacy, understanding and focus are the rewards we receive from one another when we allow and offer them ourselves. HHIA relationships are where we have the opportunity to explore, share and grow together.   In this vein, we find both our others and ourselves in relationship.

Photo by Karina Zamora on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try prioritizing yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58–59–60 – 61–62–63

German Blog-lessons:

1–2–3

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 63

sean

Maintaining the Vibe

Romancing

Romance:

1) to exaggerate or invent detail or incident

2) to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas

3) to try to influence or curry favor with someone through flattery, personal attention and/or gifts

4) to carry on a “love affair”

paraphrased from Merriam Webster

Sean, back again! We are expanding our investigation of our exchanges and quest for connection, affection, and passion in our HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are considering who we are and who we want to be with each other on our journey towards love, lust and appreciation with one another.

Our relationships are more than just making date, hanging out, and fooling around. Actually, a big part of our time and effort in our relationships is, at least in the beginning, about creating a feeling, encouraging affection, comfort and attraction of/from our significant partners and love interests. ?

Photo by willow mcdonough on Scopio

A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.

Charlie Chaplin

Romance Recall

Most of us refer to or recall this as romance! On the one hand, the romantically challenged do their best not to miss romantic gestures completely or mistake them for humor, satire or sarcasm. On the other hand, the romantically gifted find flattery attention and gift giving to be an art and honor whether they are on the giving or receiving side of things at any given moment.  

However, most of us fall somewhere in between “challenged” and “gifted”. Put simply we find ourselves walking the fine line between fanaticism and fatigue where we find romance in all of its glory and gore! This puts us in the awkward and often unclear social, cultural and historical expectations which none of us can actually achieve and find ourselves falling short while at the same time our others find our efforts, errors and excitement quite endearing. These can include:

  • Lovenotes
  • Petnames
  • Flowers
  • First Date Recreations
  • Counting & Celebrating Days, Months & Years
  • Homemade Gifts
  • Chocolate
  • Selfie Shots
  • Ice Cream
  • Silly Kissy Faces
  • Birthday Surprises
  • Little Gifts
  • Grand Gestures
  • Emoji Love Spells
  • Intimate Texts
  • and so many other “love-bytes” we share

As our HHIA-Relationships devlop and transform from dating to living together, from living together to building a life together, and form building to sharing and maintaining a life together, things change. Some of the little things that brought us together can fall to the wayside as we saddle up and ride off into the sunset together.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Romantically Resistant

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

Sylvia Plath

Ultimately, this process can leave us feeling more bound and tied to one another than feeling connected, joined, or coupled. In other words, our united fronts and fixed relationship roles can leave us feeling unseen and isolated in our relationships and time together which can begin to suffer from an absence of expressed appreciation and spoken approval or voiced affection. 

Romantic Revival

When this happens, we are being invited to inspire ROMANCE in ourselves and our significant others! We are invited to again:

  • invent incidents
  • exxagerate detail
  • entertain romantic thoughts & ideas
  • flatter
  • give personal attention
  • and “curry favor”

with & from both our partners and ourselves.

This is not an instantaneous event or automatic effect. But there is great potential for fun and creativity, when we choose to make the effort. We can remember and reignite our passion potential.

I’m very romantic, I’m extremely romantic. I date my wife.

Alice Cooper
Photo by ethereal lenswork on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try to remember romance for yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58–59–60 – 61

German Blog-lessons:

1–2–3

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 62

sean

Maintaining the Vibe

Courting

To Court: to seek, to gain or achieve; act so as to invite or provoke seek the affections; to win a pledge of marriage; perform actions in order to attract; to seek an alliance.

Paraphased form Merriam Webster
Photo by Damira Nagumanova on Scopio

This is Sean , back again! We are furthering our exploration of our interactions and search for rapport, love, and romance in HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are pondering who we are and who we want to be with each other in our hunt for passion and appreciation from one another.

Courting is much more than just working for an engagement. One the one hand we are seeking attention and approval. On the other hand we are acting on the behalf of the object of our affection, hoping to prove to them that we are the best peron for them to spend their time, affection and emotions on/with. Our goal is to create an environment where our dates, partners, lovers, and/or in spouses choose us to occupy a special place in their hearts and lives.

Princes, Princesses & In Between

Wine, like food, is so emotional. If you think about it, so much of the courting ritual is surrounded by wine and food. There’s a built-in romance to wine.

Padma Lakshmi

Ultimately, our search for that special someone turns into a dance to attract and amuse them. This is true whether we dance alone or in concert. In the best of circumstances, this dance becomes a lifelong event which we choose to participate in with our significant others. Throughout this process we are encouraged to remember this and keep “dancing” for and with those who are most important to us.  

Luckily, we have more than one tool or technique in our arsenal to attract and keep the attention of our loved ones. We have and develop:

  • Performance
  • Romance
  • Talent
  • Affection
  • Conversation
  • Skills
  • Appearance
  • Interest
  • Humor
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio
  • Support
  • Style
  • Loyalty
  • Individuality
  • Presentation
  • Trust
  • Intimacy
  • … Among others   

Kings, Queens & In Betweens

In other words, our courtship rites and rituals develop in to the scenery and context of our lives together. Put plainly, this is what we call a relationship. Our relationships continue to grow and mature just as we do over moments, minutes, days, weeks, months, and years.  

Historically, courting and courtship would come to an end as soon as the ink was dry on the contract. Marriages were ironclad and unbreakable treaties spiritually, culturally and legally for a better part of our history. However, today the rules have changed and we are free to pursue our happiness as individuals, couples, throuples or moresomes ?. This is a great thing for you, me, us and our relationships.

Photo by NOELLE MILES on Scopio

Fools for Love

Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do.

David Wilkerson

Simultaneously, this new truth and freedom comes with the challenge to keep our relationships fresh, funny and fulfilling. Maintaining a happy, healthy and intimately enriching and supportive relationship is both a goal and an accomplishment each day.

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Try a bit of courting for yourself (and for those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58–59–60 – 61

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 60

sean

Maintaining the Vibe

Caring

Caring: having a liking, or fondness; feeling trouble or anxiety; having an inclination; feeling interest or concern

Paraphrased from Merriam Webster

This is Sean back again! We are here discovering are communication possibilities while seeking company, devotion,and tenderness in HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are imagining who we can be and what we can share with each other in our quest for love and understanding.

Truthfully, we care about a lot of people. We care about our friends, family, coworkers, “love” interests and ourselves and not necessarily in this order. ?

Photo by  Christopher Risch on Scopio

Different Levels

You can’t have it all, all at once. Who – man or woman – has it all, all at once? Over my lifespan, I think I have had it all. But in different periods of time, things were rough. And if you have a caring life partner, you help the other person when that person needs it.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Caring encompasses four different levels of experience and existence:

  • Physical – We care about physical safety, nourishment and comfort.
  • Mental – We care about thoughts ideas, and communication.
  • Emotional – We care about the feelings, intuition and nurturing of ourselves and others.
  • Spiritual – We care about our spirits, souls, creativity and/or inner peace.  

Quite frankly, our current relationship reality is less significant than our desire for connection and courtesy.

In other words, our caring for one another is real, genuine and significant. Caring affects how we feel, experience and react to each other. Simultaneously, we are able to improve our relationships through communication.  

On the one hand, acknowledgment of our caring can help us to better understand our own feeling and reactions. On the other hand, this only helps us and not our friends, family or significant others.

Photo by Марина Ефанова on Scopio

A simple turn of a phrase can seem insignificant, cheesy, or simply over-simplified. At the same time, they can still be true, for example:

“Sharing is Caring!”

In this vein we can talk about sharing being a fundamental aspect of caring as well as the notion that caring is sharing, as well.   

I believe in the power of ideas. I believe in the power of sharing knowledge.

Ory Okolloh

And how exactly do we share our caring? Here are a few possibilities:

  • A Kiss
  • Touching
  • A Hug
  • Offering Help or Support
  • Sharing
  • Taking Time
  • Making Space
  • Having a Conversation
  • Giving a Compliment
  • Saying Hello
  • Listening
  • Holding on
  • Letting go
  • Paying Attention… and responding in kind.

Sharing our “caring” includes paying attention to our friends, family and significant others and responding in a supportive and beneficial manner.

Photo by Kenji Tanimura on Scopio

Ourselves & Others

This does not mean ignoring our desires or interests. Frankly, caring encourages us to communicate and reveal ourselves to one another deepening and strengthening our connections.    

Caring starts with ourselves and our desires and interests. In relationship caring is chiefly focused on our partners and significant others. When we care we want the best for them. At the same time, we also want the best for ourselves. Sharing helps us to find and or discover the best for both of us.

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Care & Share a little more this week (with yourself and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58 – 59

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 59

sean

Remember

Photo by Juan Algar Carrascosa on Scopio

Motivation

This is Sean here. And we are exploring how we communicate and develop while searching for companionship, dedication, love, and HHIA relationships.   

In other words, we are contemplating who we are and what we share with each other.

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

Our entire lives, we have been in relationships. (1)

First with our:  

  • Mothers
  • Fathers
  • Parents
  • Sisters
  • Brothers
  • Siblings
  • Families
  • Cousins
  • Grandparents
  • Teachers
  • Neighbors
  • Classmates …

Simply speaking, we have been learning and creating relationships the whole time without awareness, intention or effort. 

Photo by Lynne Bookey on Scopio

Reimagined

On the one hand we have been absorbing and experiencing relationship all around us. On the other hand we were never really given the opportunity to learn how to create the relationships we want and need.

The knowledge, skills and understanding needed to create and develop the relationship that encourage and support our individual growth, success and happiness.  

Additionally, we experience social and cultural pressure to perform and present our personalities and achievements, rather than express and trust ourselves honestly and openly with vulnerability and openness.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Out & About

As adults we are coaxed into leaving our parental home and explore the world, outside our comfort zones and our familial security. In this time of growth and discovery, we find ourselves yearning for understanding, comfort and support from those around us. 

Consequently, we begin to create new relationships and deal with both ourselves and others. All the while we are seeking approval, love and affection.

Our experience with ourselves, others and the world around us can be challenging and less than perfect. Ultimately, most of us discover:

  • Insecurity
  • Fears
  • Anxiety
  • Nervousness
  • Worries
  • Angst
  • Concerns

These in turn are expressed in our relationships to others and towards ourselves. In their expression we often experience unsatisfying and uncomfortable conversations and interactions with others which can reinforce our negative expectations. With practice, we can learn to communicate, trust and release the above as our awareness and relationships mature.  

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Simply put, our understanding of the world and ourselves blossoms and we strive for a stable foundation on which we can create new communication skills and approaches which support and encourage our happy healthy adult intimate (HHIA) relationships

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Think a bit about your motivations (and the motivations of those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 49

sean

Intimate Space

In the Zone

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me.

W. H. Auden
Photo by Lean Lui on Scopio

TOUCH (2)

And here we are again. This is Sean and we are going to continue our exploration of touching exercises to enhance and support our intimate experiences and desires.

Last time we played with announcing our desires to touch and caressing our hands and feet.

Again, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

5 minutes of intimacy

This is a simple silent exercise. We can share a physical intimacy with a partner or ourselves with minimal preparation and scheduling. In just 5 minutes we can find a safe space, warmth and physical intimacy. Simply put, we can schedule a 5 minute window and be: together with ourselves and with our partners.

With a partner the physical component can include:

  • Holding hands
  • Playing footsie
  • Hugging
  • Leaning on each other
  • Sitting back to back
  • Shoulder to shoulder
  • Spooning …

Most important is that we enjoy the silence; together.

If 5 minutes seems daunting, start with 1 minute and increase the number of minutes over time. What is important is the intention and commitment to the process and not the time itself. In other words, counting the seconds and “watching the clock” to ensure that we make it to 5 minutes minimizes the intimate effect of the experience.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Back to Back

Another aspect of intimacy is trust. Blind trust is something that most of us find challenging. This exercise can help us to build trust and intimacy without having to actively express anything, except being. This is primarily a partnered exercise.

  • We can sit on the floor, on cushions, a sofa or a bed. 
  • Sitting facing opposite direction a way from each other.
  • Scooting backwards until our backs are touching.
  • Pushing together until we are together comfortably, back to back.
  • From here we just take the time we have planned to be together and enjoy our togetherness.
  • That’s it.
  • Spending time being in the same space and experiencing the physicality of our partners existence.

We can sit with our eyes open or closed. If we want, we can read something or listen to soft music. The intention is to be together without expressing or experiencing expectations. This allows us to enjoy the company, free from a need to perform.  

If practicing this exercise solo, I would suggest pressing my back against a wall from head to bum. Try breathing in and out with my eyes closed and experiencing the pressure and pleasure of the full back sensation and variation of tactile experiences while beathing, flexing and relacing my head, neck, shoulders, hips and bum.

Photo by Joslyn Kramer on Scopio

Being There; Being Here

The fact is that people are good. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.

Abraham Maslow

There are a thousand ways for us to express and experience our own and our partner’s touch. What is most important is to find the ways which work for us and enhance and support these experiences with intention, awareness, and communication over time.

Try to remember that announcing our intention and discussing our desires is always a positive experience for a relationship. This is true whether our desires and intentions are welcomed in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe affectionate environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless. All the activities described can be utilized at any time anywhere where we feel safe and supported by our partners. In other words, we can hold hands on a stroll, lean on each other in the bus, play footsie under the table in a restaurant and so on. So take a chance and try touching each other.

Photo by Cheyanne Ponder on Scopio

This is Sean. Try expressing your intentions and desires with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46 47–48

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 23

sean

Touch

From Head to Toe

Welcome Back! Sean Here – I hope you enjoyed our body exercises last time. Becoming aware of our bodies and our touch can be an interesting and enriching experience. Our bodies are both our „temples and our „playgrounds“. Therefore we are also encouraged to play with/in and enjoy our bodies as well.

I touch myself

In this vein, we are going to go through a touching exercise. We are going to be activily touching and passively being touched over our entire bodies. We can go though the exercise playfully and with self-love. You can be comfortably dressed or undressed. It is all up to you! I would suggest reading through the entire exercise before starting. Then, go for it! Be affectionate to you:

  • We are going to start out standing or sitting confortably.
  • Place your hands on the top of your head.
  • Lay them there and close your eyes.
  • Feel your crown, your hair, your hands.
  • Feel your hands on your head.
  • Caress, pat or reposition your hands on your head.
  • Do this with more and less pressure;
  • add some pressure and lighten the pressure a few times.
Photo by Zuzi Janek on Scopio

Face

What do you feel on your head and in your hands? Do you like the way it feels?

  • Now touch your face.
  • Your forehead, your nose,
  • Caress your cheeks and your jaw and your chin.
  • Lay your hands flat, feel them, let them feel you.
  • Let your fingers trace and explore your face.
  • Adjust the pressure from light to firm and back again. How does all of this feel: in your hands, on your fingers and on your face.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your face?

Neck

  • Clasp your fingers around the back of your neck.
  • Hold your hands to your neck.
  • Loosen your fingers and cares your neck and throat.
  • Slide your hands around your throat and neck from the base of your skull to your shoulders, from your collar bone up to your chin.

What do you feel on your neck, your throat. How do you feel in your hands? Do you like it? Do you enjoy your own touch? The way you feel.

Chest, Arms

  • Lay your hands on your chest.
  • Let your fingers touch your chest, your nipples.
  • Run them over your chest, across, under your arms into your armpits.
  • Rub them over your shoulders,
  • Along your arms down to your elbows, fore arms and your hands.
  • Let your hands move back up along your wrists, fore arms elbows, shoulders and back to your chest.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your chest, arms and hands? Are you enjoying the affection?

Photo by Alan Rodriguez on Scopio

Hips, heels

  • Let your hands travel from your chest to our belly.
  • Rub your belly.
  • Let your hands flow around your belly
  • Move them up and down your flank from your ribs to your hips.
  • Let your hands flow to your lower back.
  • Run them along your hips.
  • Trace your fingers across your upper thighs and into your lap.
  • Caress your legs and touch your pelvis.
  • Let your hands rest in your lap.

How does all of this feel: in your hands, to your fingers and on your belly, your lower back and in your lap. Do you like your touch? Do you like being touched? Are you enjoying the affection? How do you feel to yourself?

Legs

  • Move your hands along your inner thighs to your knees.
  • Trace your fingers and hand around your knee.
  • Glide them behind your knees.
  • Slide along your outer thigh up to your buttom/buttocks.

What do you feel on your legs, knees, bottom, and in your hands? Do you like the way this feels?

Feet

  • Run your hands back down the back/side of your legs to your calves.
  • Caress your claves, your shins.
  • Hold your Ankles.
  • Sit or lie down.
  • Take one foot in your hand.
  • Rub your foot.
  • Trace your heal and toes with your fingers.
  • Touch the top of your foot.
  • Release and Relax.
Photo by Kirill Gudkov on Scopio

Take a moment and reflect on your experience, your thoughts and feeling.

(The lists, exercises, and these blog-lessons are maintained in a google and family friendly format. For more information, vocabulary, more intimate or direct language, please contact me.)

I hope your exploration and excursion along your body was adventurous and a pleasure. If anything was uncomfortable or tense, you can try the entire exercise or just one section more slowly. You can also try being firmer or gentler with your touch. Have fun and play with yourself. 🙂

It would be great to hear your thoughts. Have a great day.

This is Sean signing off. Till next time.

Our earlier Blog-Lessons –1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy HHIA Relationships 13

sean

Time and Time Again

Reality Check – Body (2)

Photo by Nina Varga on Scopio

Time After Time

I am back. This time to talk about just that: Time and its affect on our bodies, lives and relationships. Our last Blog lesson was focused on our bodies in the world and our interactions on the material plane. Now I want to talk about the time we spend here. What we do with it and what time does to us.

Ooh Baby Baby

We all start out as babies, and infants become toddlers, toddlers grow into children, children turn in to youths and the adolescents develop into adults.

Adolescence is where our bodies, minds and spirits begin to mature and become more gendered and we begin to emotionally identify with older, more mature members of our family, community or society. We call this time in our lives Puberty. 

Puberty

Puberty: Physical changes in girls start around 10 or 11 with most girls showing signs of change by 13. In boys the physical changes start at 12 or 13 with most boys showing changes by 14. 

Puberty is signaled in girls with and the development of secondary gender attributes including breasts, pubic and armpit hair, and a broadening of the hips, resulting in the beginning of their menstral cycles.

Whereas puberty in boys secondary gender attributes begin with testicle and penis growth, followed by pubic and armpit hair, muscle development, facial hair and vocal changes. Sexual maturity is signaled by ejaculation.

At this point, biologically both boys and girls are physically mature. This means we are in most cases able to reproduce.

Photo by Gabriel García on Scopio

Adulthood

Biologically most of us are able to reproduce naturally for approximately 20 to 30 years. And at some point often between 16 and 21 years of age we are recognized as adults by our parents, peers, friends, family, community and the law.

For instance, as adults our bodies tend to respond according to what we do, the choices we make and the events we experience.  In other words, if we are active, watch our nutritional intake, and care for our bodies, most of us create and maintain a fit, healthy and attractive body.  This is what many, if not most of us aspire to, to one degree or another.  

In time we learn what we like, what we need, what we want and who we are. All of these things tend to fluctuate and develop over time and affect what appeals to us. As such, what we are looking for and offering as a partner changes overtime.  

For example many of us hear the ticking of our biological clock, which is our society’s euphemism for our ability and desire to reproduce; to have and raise children. Having children for most women includes pregnancy, and child birth. Many if not most men are biologically regulated to the sideline and act as a supporting character in this period; approximately 9 months of pregnancy.    

Menopause and Manopause (Andropause)? Advancing Age

Subsequently, the next biological marker for women tends to be menopause which is a process when women’s bodies mature further. Through this process a woman’s hormones change and the menstrual cycle comes to an end. This occurs, generally between 45 and 60 years of age with the average age being 51 years of age. (More information is available.)

Meanwhile, men experience a similar biological maturity. Although it corresponds, in time, with the changes women experience, the biology is a bit different. Men typically experience a reduction of testosterone after they turn 40. This occurs at an average of 1% per year according to the Mayo Clinic. Men may experience the effect of this in their late 40s or 50s. However, most men continue into an advanced age to maintain testosterone levels in a normal range. (More Information is available.)

And this is just the first half if we are lucky. More & More from WebMD

Photo by Miguel Mimoso on Scopio

Telling Time after Time

And that was a quick review of our biological time. Time is however all we have, really. And no matter how much we have left relationships and connection is an essential part of the experience.  

We have other ways of telling time. We have clocks, calendars, and diaries. With these we measure:

  • seconds
  • minutes
  • hours
  • days
  • weeks
  • months
  • years.

Other measurements of time include:

  • dates
  • holidays
  • seasons
  • birthdays
  • anniversaries
  • lifetimes
  • relationships.

Relationships are also experience time. A rhythm and a process of maturing.

Many of us experience time in relationships differently. We calculate and remember the day we meet, the number of dates we have had, our first kiss, all of our firsts. And then we start to calculate things.

Things like:

  • When will we…?
  • When will he/she/they…..? 
  • How long has it been since…..?

So many calculations. Most of these can be managed though simple communication.

Photo by hara yi on Scopio

Do we want to…? Do you want to..? Let’s….?

These kinds of questions can help us to stay in the moment and thereby keeping our focus on ourselves and our loved one’s in the room or on the phone, computer or tablet.

And my time is up! I would really enjoy hearing your thoughts. This is Sean! Until next time. Cheers! More about me.

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

HHIA Definitions:

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Healthy (Happy) Human Relationship definitions are primarily paraphrased from the Marion-Webster Dictionary online.

Age of Consent: the age when one is legally competent to consent to marriage and sexual intercourse 

Agemate: someone of the same age; from Lovemaps.

Air: one of the four elements, representing intellect and communication

Authentic: true to your personality, spirit, and character

Binary: made of two parts or things; a number system based on zero and one; dividion into two things which are considered opposites

Caring (2): having a liking, or fondness; feeling trouble or anxiety; having an inclination; feeling interest or concern

Carnal: relating to bodily appetites and pleasures

Chromosome: a rod/thread like part of the DNA

Consent: verb and noun; verb to give approval, to agree; noun agreeing as an action or statement

Continuum : a whole which is expressed as a collection, sequence or progression

Cursor: a visual cue (like a blinking vertical line) on a digital display that show position and asks for input

DNA: any variety of nucleic acids, which are the basis for hereditry

Earth: one of the four elements, representing the phisical and material aspect of beingness.

The Elements: a system of representation in western society which includes: earth, water, air and fire.

Equal: to be like in status, nature, or quality, for each member of a couple, group, or society

Estradiol: a natural estrogenic hormone; it is a phenolic alcohol C18H24O2 and is secreted the ovaries

Expression: the act or process and instance of representation

Female: a female person; a person who identifies as female; a woman or a girl; often an idiviual that is capable of producing eggs; a plant with only pistils or pistilate flowers

Femininity: the quality and degree of being womanly/ „female like“ according to your surroundings

Fetish: here – slang or common adjective to describe intimate activities which are outside of standard social intimate activities, including but not limited to: bondage, S/M, role play, etc. For more information or details: contact me

Fetishism: here: the eroticizing of an aspect or single quality of a person to a sexual fetish

Fire: one of the four elements, representing passion, creativity and energy

Flank: the fleshy parts of the body between the ribs and the hips

4 Real: serious and/or legitimate

Gender: behavioral, psychological and cultural features that are associated with being either female or male.

Habit: an acquired behavior which has become involuntary

Happy: to enjoy or being well and content

Healthy: an adjective meaning “…beneficial to one’s physical, mental or emotional state: conducive to or associated with good health or reduced risk of disease…”

HHIA Relationship: a relationship between 2 or more adults which includes intimate connections and behavior and promotes being happy and healthy intimate, adult

Human sexual rehearsal: erectile, erotic and sensual behaior that occurs pre-sexual understanding in infants and children – term form LOVEMAPS by John Money.

Human: citizens of planet earth; current evolutionary status of homo-sapiens; person

In Vitro: outside a living body or plant

In Vivo: inside a living body or plant

Intimate: very personal,  private, very close contact and familiarity; 

Kink: in this context – unconventional sexual interests, desires or behavior

Love: both a noun and a verb used to describe “(1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties…”, “(2) …affection and tenderness felt by lovers…”  and “…2 a:  to feel a lover’s passion, devotion, or tenderness for…”. *

Lover: a sexual and/or romantic partner 

Lucid: awake, aware, able to make decisions; having full use of your faculties

Masculininity: the quality and degree of being manly/ „male like“ according to your surroundings

Male: a male person; a person who identifies as male; a man or a boy; often an idiviual that is capable of fertilizing the eggs of a female, a plant with stamens and no pistils

Material Plane: a physical level of consciousness, development or existence; the physical world we live in

Nail Varnish: british – an opaque or clear liquid used to decorate fingernails and toenails; American – nail polish

Objective: an adjective – situation or condition without distortion by interpretations or prejudices

Objectification: the act of treating someone as an object

Obsession: here: persistent preoccupation with an unreasonable feeling or idea

One night stand: a sexual encounter limited to once (one-night), most often with a stranger or someone you have just met.

Partner: a person one in intimate relationship, one half of a couple

Pliable: able to bend freely and/or repeatedly without breaking

Potent: having force or influence; able to copulate

Potency: capacity to achive a result

Potential: existing in possibility; able to develop

Progesterone: a female steroid sex hormone C21H30O2

Relationship: a connection binding participants, a romantic or loving attachment.

REM: Rapid Eye Movement – Sleep pattern associated with dreaming

Ritual: 2a: ritual observance; b: a ceremonial act/action c : an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a mindful manner; 1: established form – ceremony specifically: the order of words and actions established for religious ceremony

Romance: a love affair – Check out the other definitions as well!

Safety: being safe from experiencing or causing harm, hurt, injury, or loss

Similitude: a counterpart, correspondence in kind, type or quality; a point of comparison, perpective

Sound mind and body: a healthy mind and body; unimpaired thought and understanding for oneself and one’s actions; intellectually and physically competent

Spouse: married partner of any gender

Taboo: here: a ban due to social customs, morals, values or as a protective system

Titilation: excite pleasurably, be fun

Testosterone: a hormone that is a hydroxy steroid ketone C19H28O2 produced especially by the testes

Torture: to cause suffering; to torment

Turn-on: slang for things you find attractive

Turn-off: slang for things you find unattractive

Unfettered: free from constraint, control or restrictions

Vulval vasalcongestion: Girls/women experience a correlate reaction of an erection in boys/men. The vaginal walls fill with blood (increased vascular blood flow) and result in swelling and secretion, a wetness.

Water: one of the four elements, representing emotions, feelings and the heart

Your last word: not a word but a signal. Some intimate situations limit the use of words. In this instance signals are agreed upon before the situation begins, to confirm comfort, safety, & consent.

For more information contact me or read more about me.