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Where we want to be: Together
Where, When, How…
We have talked about introductions and initial meeting. We have gone through the digital spaces and potential first dates; like coffee. Now we can look at going on dates and dating.
Dating someone is an exploration and pursuit of connections and intimacy. A balance of excitement and comfort. We share more and more of ourselves with the person/people we are dating.
On the one hand we are the explorer. On the other hand, we become the explored. Ideally, we become mutual pioneers venturing into a new world together.
For a dinner date, I eat light all day to save room, then I go all in: I choose this meal and this order, and I choose you, the person across from me, to share it with. There’s a beautiful intimacy in a meal like that.Anthony Bourdain
In this vein, we tend to present ourselves in situations that highlight our pluses and minimize our minuses. Our dates are doing their best to do the same. In the process we hope to find a space and and a partner who accepts and appreciates us as much as we appreciate and accept them.
To this end, we want to choose our environment and presentation as much as possible. In the give and take of the dating dance. We can make choices and encourage our dates to do so as well.
Getting to know each other better
At the moment our choices are a bit limited but not impossible:
- more coffee to go ?
- going for a walk
- walking in the park
- visiting a garden
- making a tour of your neighborhood as tour guide
- making a tour of your date’s neighborhood as a guest
- a photo safari
- be by the water
- window shopping
- picking up take out
- grocery shopping
- creatively cooking together
- playing a game/cards
- riding the bus/subway together
- going for a drive
All of the above are good ways of getting together, inspiring dialogue and making choices together. Negotiating roles and experiencing our reactions with one another helps to create a deeper understanding and encourage intimacy on many levels.
(All of the above can also be enjoyed with social distancing and both hygienically & socially responsible considerations. We are experiencing a pandemic in 2021)
Choosing neutral spaces and our dates comfort and safety can also play an important role in the growth of trust and expansion of possibilities with each other.
Most important is to be clear and honest with yourself and your date. Speaking openly and honestly face to face about your needs, desires and concerns is much more effective than per text, email, voicemail or even by phone.
The fact is, when you date an artist, you have to know that they’re going to sing about you.Tove Lo
In person we can experience each other and create our own space in truly sincere and individual ways.
That is all for now. Next time we will be looking at making space while sharing space.
This is Sean. Try just sharing your space with yourself (and with someone else perhaps) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.
(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)
Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time!
Our earlier Blog-Lessons: