Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 40

In Between Each Other

Living Together (5)

Sean still here! And right now, we are going to take a look at moving in together and living under one roof. This is a direction many of our relationships take and is supported whole heartily by many of our societies, cultures and traditions, including marriages.

Simultaneously a wonder to explore and a challenge for ourselves and our partners/friends/spouses/families to embrace. In this moment we begin to share not only our lives but our communal space and time as well. 

Photo by Kristina Borzova on Scopio

Under One Roof

In other words, our sharing becomes shared and our lives tend become a life while our intimacy expands into our daily lives and infuses our time and space with our partners. On the one hand, this can be very comforting. On the other hand, challenges to our patience and understanding are built in to the permanence and constant communal existence. We discover that we are together:

  • at home
  • in the living room
  • on the balcony
  • on the sofa
  • in the kitchen
  • at the stove
  • in the fridge
  • in bed
  • at dinner
  • at breakfast
  • in the middle of the night
  • in the bathroom
  • under the shower
  • in the mirror
  • everywhere
  • every day of the week.
Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Joan Crawford

Home… Hearth

This coexistence and cohabitation can simultaneously intensify our feelings and challenge our relationships. However, we find ourselves in an intensified reality with limited opportunity for privacy, solitude or retreat.

Hence, how do we maintain, enjoy and find joy in our relationships while sharing our lives, our space, our time and our privacy? In other words, what happens to our relationships when we cohabitate?

Notice the Pandemic…

And these questions have been intensified by over a year of social isolation and distancing. Most of us who have been living with our partners/spouses from the beginning of the current pandemic are still here and still surviving and thriving as best we can. As are our friends, lovers and families who live alone or with roommates! AND IT IS OK – to do the best we can. Speaking to each other, to a confidant and to ourselves, and Laughing out loud helps a lot: 😊😊 Smiling does too!

Photo by April Lawrence on Scopio

Good News

Strategies, action and awareness can be employed at any time in our relationships to improve, refresh, expand, intensify and enhance our experiences with each other. One way to explore this is to take time for each other together. Check out the 5-Minute Exercises (Last Blog-Lesson)!! 😊

Love is a decision…not an emotion

Lao Tzu

Only Good News

When we actively choose to be together and communicate with each other, every and any challenge can be met, addressed and overcome. Often with good humor, happy thoughts and warm fuzzy feelings.  

A few daily options include:

  • Touching
  • Holding hands
  • Smiling at each other
  • Air kisses, light kisses, long kisses
  • Hugging with your eyes closed
  • Saying “I like you” – „I appreciate you“ – “I love you”
  • Hugging with your eyes open
  • Sharing flowers: real and digital
  • Sharing compliments
  • Saying „I am sorry“ – „I understand“ – „It’s my fault“ – I’ll try“
  • Talking to each other
  • Dancing together
  • Sitting in silence
  • Being together, on purpose
Photo by Andrii Omelnytskyi on Scopio

Communicating

Most important is to find and share the things we enjoy and like about each other and support and encourage those things. Most of the others are less significant and inconsequential when they are address, clarified and understood.

This is Sean. Try saying nice things to yourself (and to those who are important to you) every day this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 37

Where we want to be: Together

In Between

Where, When, How…

Here we go again, This is Sean. And the world keeps spinning, our stories, our lives and our HHIA Relationships  continue to grow, expand and deepen.

We have talked about introductions and initial meeting. We have gone through the digital spaces and potential first dates; like coffee. Now we can look at going on dates and dating.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Dating

Dating someone is an exploration and pursuit of connections and intimacy. A balance of excitement and comfort. We share more and more of ourselves with the person/people we are dating.

On the one hand we are the explorer. On the other hand, we become the explored. Ideally, we become mutual pioneers venturing into a new world together.

For a dinner date, I eat light all day to save room, then I go all in: I choose this meal and this order, and I choose you, the person across from me, to share it with. There’s a beautiful intimacy in a meal like that.

Anthony Bourdain

An Adventure

In this vein, we tend to present ourselves in situations that highlight our pluses and minimize our minuses. Our dates are doing their best to do the same. In the process we hope to find a space and and a partner who accepts and appreciates us as much as we appreciate and accept them.

To this end, we want to choose our environment and presentation as much as possible. In the give and take of the dating dance. We can make choices and encourage our dates to do so as well.

Photo by Marek Kalhous on Scopio

Getting to know each other better

At the moment our choices are a bit limited but not impossible:

  • more coffee to go 😊
  • going for a walk
  • walking in the park
  • visiting a garden
  • making a tour of your neighborhood as tour guide
  • making a tour of your date’s neighborhood as a guest
  • a photo safari
  • be by the water
  • window shopping
  • picking up take out
  • grocery shopping
  • creatively cooking together
  • playing a game/cards
  • riding the bus/subway together
  • going for a drive

All of the above are good ways of getting together, inspiring dialogue and making choices together. Negotiating roles and experiencing our reactions with one another helps to create a deeper understanding and encourage intimacy on many levels. 

(All of the above can also be enjoyed with social distancing and both hygienically & socially responsible considerations. We are experiencing a pandemic in 2021)

Making Space

Choosing neutral spaces and our dates comfort and safety can also play an important role in the growth of trust and expansion of possibilities with each other. 

Photo by Bianca Brunschwiler on Scopio

A Better Place

Most important is to be clear and honest with yourself and your date. Speaking openly and honestly face to face about your needs, desires and concerns is much more effective than per text, email, voicemail or even by phone.

The fact is, when you date an artist, you have to know that they’re going to sing about you.

Tove Lo

Our Space

In person we can experience each other and create our own space in truly sincere and individual ways.   

That is all for now. Next time we will be looking at making space while sharing space.

This is Sean. Try just sharing your space with yourself (and with someone else perhaps) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.   

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time!

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 36

In Between: Meeting in the Middle

Being Together (1)

Where, When, How…

Here we are again. Exactly where we want to be. Or at least where we choose to be. Those of us lucky enough to be able to choose….

But, I am getting off track.

This is Sean and I am here because I want to be.

Where are we now?

We are here in the moment creating, maintaining, supporting and improving our HHIA relationships. Our relationship statuses can affect where and how we choose to meet our others. After exploring how we make time, we are looking at a few potential places to meet and enjoy the company of others in this Blog-Lesson.  

On the one hand, where we are in our relationships can affect where we choose to meet our partners. On the other hand we can always restart, reboot and reframe how and where we choose to meet each other.  

With this in mind, we are going to start at the beginning:

Photo by Mastechart Productions on Scopio

Digital space

Today’s initial meeting spaces include a variety of digital formats from Facebook to Grinder/Tinder and every portal in between. These spaces a have positive aspects, as well as, challenging aspect to them. They allow us to explore, examine and express at the click of a button. Simultaneously a separation between our inner-self; internal spirit and our outer-self: outgoing personality can develop and act as a hurdle for real connections; intimately or physically – in person.

Digital Management

Digital Management can include both time and space boundaries for ourselves and the people we meet/interact with in these spaces. Choosing when and how long we choose to be on/in a platform can help us to acknowledge and be present in both the digital format and our physical reality. Keeping them in balance. Choosing to be our most polite and considerate selves is another way to help increase and enhance our experiences in such spaces.

(Contact me for more specific suggestions which can be discussed in more detail: Changing Formats, Texting, Pictures, Chat, Voicemail, among other options.)    

Photo by Nicolette Wagner on Scopio

Space Age

They say any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

Alan Shepard

Where do we meet each other. We physically meet in a place, a space, somewhere. After our initial interaction with someone, we can choose to get to know them better. We can:  

  • Organize coffee,
  • make a date,
  • plan to get together,
  • schedule something,
  • see each other,
  • arrange a call,
  • work out a get together,
Photo by Robin Steffensen on Scopio

Coffee, Tea and Me

Let’s start with coffee. Meeting for coffee or tea in a café/coffee shop has a lot of advantages: It is

  • public,
  • safe,
  • daytime: morning or afternoon,
  • time limited in nature,
  • they are everywhere,
  • a great variety

There is the possibility of something sweet without the expectation of more than it is. Coffee is a great way to meet and share a moment with someone. A quick espresso to go can easily evolve into a sit-down Frappuccino with a croissant and/or biscuit with a smile and conversation. It’s all up to you both.

Coffee to go

I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee

Clark Gable

(This is of course when we can sit-down in a coffee shop again. In the meantime, coffee to go can turn into a picnic/coffee and conversation on the move. Flexibility in the pandemic is a big part of our choices at the moment – FEB/2021)

Photo by Lina Khalid on Scopio

That’s all for now. We will be back with a look at First & Second Dates, and living together.

This is Sean. Try just being with yourself (and with those around you) for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Love to hear your thoughts. Till next time!

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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