We are back! This is Sean. And we are going to revel in the excitement, eagerness and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.
Like magnetes we are attracted to those who are different from ourselves. Actually, this is essentially always true, because no matter how similar we are to our partners, we are in relationship with another being. Others catch our eye, whether in pictures or in person, through a look, a gesture, or, perhaps, an attitude. And, we do the same to others.
“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.”Gloria Steinem
Initially the attraction can feel like electricity or butterflies and as we get closer the feeling of attraction and bond tend to grow. As we learn and experience more and more about our partners, we begin to appreciate and look forward to even more. This is the natural progressive cycle of anticipation & interest and fulfillment & pleasure. Simultaneously, this cycle can occur in the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of our relationships and experience.
As our bonds become stronger and our knowledge and understanding of one another increases, we are able to express and experience even greater levels of pleasure and delight through our relationship. In other words, like a transistor which starts with a spark, warms up and increases through the development of an electronic field, our relationships often start with a spark, warm up and increase through a give and take and the development of an intellectual, emotional, physical and even a spiritual environment which encourages all partners to enjoy themselves and each other.
Ultimately, this environment and situation transforms into our lives and our HHIA relationships become a central aspect. Unfortunately, the initial spark and newness of our experiences can fall prey to our daily lives, routines, practices habits, and schedules. These tend to separate, lower our energy, attractions and connections to our both our partners and ourselves. Through ritual, romance and humor we can avoid this and encourage each other to pursue greater enthusiasm and elation.
A few examples which can be enjoyed together include:
- Making time just to be together
- Sharing an activity or hobby regularly
- Going for a walk
- Enjoying a meal
- Having a conversation about something that interests you
- Listening to music
- Reading the same book
- In non-pandemic times:
- Exploring new places/spaces
- Going out (to dinner or on the town)
“Never marry a person who is not a friend of your excitement.”Nathaniel Branden, The Psychology of Romantic Love
Making plans and scheduling time for each other encourages us to think about and look forward to being together. On the one hand, we have reserved time to be together. On the other hand, we are creating a space where we can enjoy our company and companionship. This is much more thrilling than going through our days and passing one another on our way to work, doing errands, etc.
Essentially, making the effort and expressing interest and an eagerness to enjoy our partner’s company encourages them to do and feel similarly. Exploring and recognizing how our dates, partners, and spouses respond to our ideas, suggestions and plans can elevate our ability to find where, when and how we can best enjoy each other. This is also true of our physical expressions of affection and attractions. Meeting our partners needs and desires while expressing our own needs and desires with openness and attention can greatly increase our potential for everyone’s pleasure.
That never stops. That’s what drives you: the joy and excitement of doing what you love.Jerry Lewis
This is Sean. Try enjoying yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.
.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)
Our earlier Blog-Lessons: