Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 48

Intimate Space

Get in Touch (1)

We are back! This is Sean. And we are here to talk about our bodies and how we learn to share our physicality and play with our senses.

We learn and have been tought that we have essentially five physical senses:

  • Sight
  • Hearing
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Touch
Photo by Ira Mironyak on Scopio

Simply put, our sense of touch is the one which we have the greatest potential to control and calibrate. We can manipulate touch to fulfil our desires and wishes. And, through choice, consent and control we can determine where, when and how we experience touch from ourselves and others. 

Together with me, myself, and I ….. maybe with you too

In other words, we are able to experiment, play and learn to touch our partners and ourselves to enhance and support both pleasure and intimacy.

We are going to toy with a variety of playful exercises to discover how we experience and interpret touch both for ourselves and our partners. Essentially, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

“Touch has a memory.”

John Keats
Photo by valentina alvarez on Scopio

Consent & Caress

Individual execution of these following exercises implies consent. We are, in most if not all cases, individually aware and able to give ourselves our consent.

Paar and group exercises should include a brief description of the exercise and a verbal and or visual explicit expression of consent.

Verbal Touch

Announcing our intentions and desires with a request for consent can help us to create an environment where consent becomes the basis of our phyiscial communication with each other. This practice can include statements like:

  • I would love to kiss you right now.
  • I want to hug you.
  • May I hold your hand.
  • I wish to kiss your neck.
  • I am thinking about pecking your cheek.
  • May I pat your bum….

All of these statements should be followed with a pause until your partner responds with a Yes/No response to your request.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Positive / Negative =

Positive Responses  

  • Come on.
  • Go for it.
  • Sure.
  • I would like that.
  • Yes, please—

Negative Responses

  • Please wait till later. 
  • Give me 5 minutes.
  • Maybe later.  
  • I’m not available for that (right now).
  • Could you ask again – later/ in 5 minutes/ in an hour.

These exchanges quickly establish a safe and respectful intimacy between partners that can carry over to the rest of the relationship. This creates a relationship where both acceptance and rejection of impulses and requests become emotionally neutral and are perceived as equally viable and sensible in our intimate and physical exchanges.

Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Fingers & Toes

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

Charles Dickens

To start, we can consider our hands and fingers as being both extremely sensitive and practically accessible for practicing touching caressing and feeling our own and our partners touch. This touch can be handled with a variety of pressure, speed, area and volume. Our hands include: fingers, palms, wrists, fingernails and the backs. All of these can be used to share and exchange touch and physical intimacy.

This exercise begins:

  1. With a brief description hand holding and touching and the determination of a “Safe Word” which is said to immediately pause/stop the exercise.
  2. One partner chooses to be giving and the other receiving.
  3. The receiving partner sits with their eyes closed and their hands in their lap or on a table.
  4. The giving partner touches their partners hands beginning lightly, slowly with their fingers exploring the back, palm, fingers, and so on….
  5. After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc.
  6. This movement advances to include the use of the entire surface of the active hands to caress the passive hands involving more pressure, surface varying the speed of movement…  
  7. After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc. 
  8. This exploration can continue to include tightly holding, patting, slapping, scratching or massaging the receiving partner’s hands.
  9. All of these variation should include verbal confirmation of comfort, sensation, interest and attention.
Photo by Pablo Nidam on Scopio

Variations:

  • Steps 1 – 9 can immediately be repeated with partners changing roles.
  • 1 through 9 can be repeated with partners changing roles at another time.
  • Steps 1 through 9 can be repeated touching with the giving partner touching the receiving partner’s feet & toes, rather than their hands.

Nothing is so healing as the human touch.

Bobby Fischer

Awareness is Key

Being aware of our partner’s reaction and responses to our touch can help to inspire greater understanding and intimacy among us.

This exercise can be just as inspiring and informative when performed solo. This would involve choosing a giving and a receiving hand, closing our eyes and allowing the exploration to begin. ?

That is all for now! We will have more touching exercises next time.

Photo by Ben Kao on Scopio

This is Sean. Try touching yourself with awareness (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

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