Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 58

Creating His/Her-Story

Photo by Kenji Tanimura on Scopio

Sean here, back again! And, we are going to go one step further and look at how we express and process while pursuing camaraderie, commitment, affection, and HHIA relationships.    

In other words, we are pondering who we are and what we share with each other.

From early childhood, we have been naming ourselves and others, telling stories, including recognizing, expressing and learning our truth and the truths of others and creating memories.

Time and Time Again

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Photo by Bycovaag Gonzalez alonso on Scopio

Ultimately, as time passes these names, stories and truths are:

  • Created
  • Reimagined
  • Expressed
  • Received
  • Spoken
  • Appreciated
  • Voiced
  • Witnessed
  • Stated as Fact
  • Understood
  • Realized
  • Told
  • Heard
  • Declared
  • Imagined
  • Repeated

In other words, through our names, stories and memories we begin to create a history which we repeat and remember in our words, actions, and relationships.

As we meet people and experience them, we find and experience ourselves as well. These experiences are often filled with feelings and thoughts which encourage us to remember and retell our own and our shared stories to each other and to others. And with the others, we create (new) strories and shared experiences through the telling and hearing the others names, stories, and truths.

Photo by Brit Worgan on Scopio

Words and Actions

On the one hand, we express our attractions and attachment through our: anecdotes, narratives, and tales. On the other hand, our statements, descriptions and reports help us to identify and establish ourselves in the world and in our relationships.

History is a cyclic poem written by time upon the memories of man.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

In due course, our memories, truths, stories, and names come together to forge our understanding of ourselves and others including our her/history. In Fact, our her/history is a collection of his/her-stories including: 

  • Personal his/her-story
  • Family her/history
  • Academic his/her-story
  • Work her/history
  • Friendship his/her-story
  • Relationship her/history
  • Local his/her-story
  • National her/history
  • Cultural his/her-storyy
  • Social her/history
  • Human his/her-story

Bearing this in mind, we can better initiate and develop relationships with those around us and people we meet throughout our lives. Giving space to our individual, shared, and divergent histories can be a boon to our communication and connections to allow greater trust, understandnig and intmacy. 

Honor Ourselves and Others

Another advantage to this way of honoring ourselves and others is that we are able to approach each other with trust and faith. In other words we can meet in a state of belief and truth accepting ourselves and the others statements as part of us. We can, of course, further explore and examine our beliefs, memories and histories as an enriching and intimate experience rather than a competition to achieve or prove something that may or may not support us in relationship.  

The past is malleable and flexible, changing as our recollection interprets and re-explains what has happened.

Peter L. Berger
Photo by wijaya bhakti persada on Scopio

That’s all for now!

This is Sean. Share a bit of your history with yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(Contact me at for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons: