Schlagwort: Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 5

sean

Female, Male, In, Out & In Between (2)

 

This is Sean back for more exploration about Happy Healthy Intimate Adult HHIA Relationships . And my first impulse is:

“Let’s Get Physical”

Moving Away from social constructs (Lesson 4), let’s talk a bit about the physicality of our bodies and the bodies of those we are attracted to:

Kamasutra

Size, for example, is a fact not a value or preference in the Kamasutra. People are described as coming in essentially three sizes. These sizes in the Kamasutra refer primarily to our genitals. From largest to smallest, the sizes for women are poetically named; the Elephant, the Mare and the Gazelle. Men are referred to as Stallions, Bulls and Rabbits respectively.  Diversity is something to be celebrated!

Hopefully, we are attracted to and interested in more than our partners genitals for our HHIA Relatiohsips.  Our potential partners are complete and whole individuals in their own right.  

Physicality

So, let’s explore some other physical attributes from top to bottom, head to toe!

Take a moment and ask yourself: Physically, who am I? What do I physically like about myself? How am I physically attracted to others?

What am I attracted to? Who am I attracting?
  • Head & Hair – Do you like hair long or short, thick or thin, curly or straight, Blond, Red, Brown, Black or Grey… Shaved perhaps?
  • Neck & Shoulders – Do you like a long neck, an Adam’s Apple, or broad shoulders?
  • Chest & Breasts – Are you attracted to large or small nipples, pecs or breasts?
  • Waist & Belly – Are you attracted to a two pack,four pack, six-pack, love handles, or maybe a big belly, „something to hold on to?
  • Arms & Hands – Do your eyes twinkle when you see biceps, tendons or nail polish?
  • Hips & Bum – Do you like a big butt or a itty bitty bum or maybe a hard ass?
  • Legs & Feet – Are you a friend of long slender or short stock legs? What about feet? Do you like to see a bit of toe nail varnish?
  • Skin & Body Hair – Do you prefer pale, alabaster or tanned skin? Do you like freckles? Are you a fan of tattoos? What’s your take on body hair; do you go „au naturel“ or are you into shaving, waxing, and sugaring?

What do you think?

There you are – All of the above have to do with our perceptions of ourselves and others. They have everything to do with our bodies and nothing to do with the genitals of our partner or ourselves.  We are all attracted to different human bodies and a great variety of aspects of those bodies.

In addition to a body we have all got personality, intellect, humor, style,  charm, etc. We will be exploring lots of these things plus others in the Blog-lessons to come as we explore our HHIA Relationships.

That is all for now. If you have any comments, questions or want more information you can contact me I will be back for our next Blog-lesson considering consent. More about me

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy (Happy) Intimate HHIA Relationships 4

sean

Female, Male; In, Out and In Between (1)

We are back for Blog-lesson number 4: Female, Male, In, Out and In Between (1). This is Sean and I am excited to continue our exploration of our expression and attraction to ourselves and others.

After discussing the continuum of attraction and the works of Alfred Kinsey in Blog-Lesson 2, we can now explore the continuum of gender to which we are attracted. And where we find ourselve, as well.

At first glance female and male appear to be opposites and completely different from one another. At a second glance even the biology of our species shows us something completely different.  

Gender Genetically Speaking

Genetically, and generally, speaking, our understanding today, is that gender starts with a chromosome pair XX-Female and XY-Male, respectively. In other words, genetically, 2 X’s develop into a female body and and an X and a Y create a male body per our current genetic understanding.

At the same time this is only one the of 23 chromosome pairs in the Human DNA. As such the 22 Chromosomal pairs complete the DNA, building block, of each individual, the foundation of the person we become. Then there are are also variations of multiple X and Y chromosomes.

The Female Truth

In addition the basic truth about gender development is that the Y chromosome is the initiator and catalyst for the development which modifies an embryo to create a boy. And yet, the Y chromosome is still one half of a pair (XY). In other words, we all have an X chromosome, start out female and remain at least 50% female our entire lives. Let that sink in.

A Spectrum

Gender Roles, masculinity and femininity can also be seen as a spectrum in a variety of aspects and degrees of experience. These include individual, familial, societal and cultural aspects and eperiences. Then we incorporate our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual development on top and in between. There is great variation in our experience of ourselves physically, psychologically, socially and culturally. Therefore to explore your personal relationship to masculinity and femininity, I would suggest a system of questions similar to the ones in Blog-Lesson 2 using masculinity and femininity (See Definitions) on a scale with two sets of questions about your expression and attraction:

Questions For You

1. How do I express myself physically?1. What am I attracted to Physically?
2. How do I express myself emotionally2.  What am I attracted to emotionally? 
3. How do I express myself intellectually3. What am I attracted to intellectually?
4.  How do I express myself spiritually?4. What am I attracted to spiritually?
EXPRESSION & ATTRACTION

Then put the answer to each question into the scale below:

??0
Only     Masculine		1
Mostly Masculine		2
More Masculine		3 Equal Both4
More Feminine		5
Mostly Feminine		6
Only Feminine
1 E/A       
2 E/A       
3 E/A       
4 E/A       

Then just add the answers together (EXPRESSION and then ATTRACTION separately) and divide by four to get an idea of how you see yourself and those you are attracted to on a wholistic continuum of masculine and feminine ideals, your ideal expression and attraction. 

And there you have it : „Lesson 4“ Take a minute and explore how you see yourself and the people around you. That is all from me for now. If you have any questions or want more information you can contact me. I will be back for our next Blog-lesson where we will talk more about the physicality of attraction. More about me

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy (Happy) Intimate Relationships 3

sean

Sean here again! After our last Blog-Lesson on who and how. This is our third Blog-Lesson. This time we are going to explore the intensity of our interests and attractions. Lets start with a couple of words which all come from the same beginning.

Potential, Potency, Potent

Potent, potency and potential all come from the same root, poti* (etymonline.com) an Indo-European root meaning powerful.  Power is something we will discuss later at length.  For now, let’s let the „power” in potency, potent and potential refer to an individual power which comes from within. 

In TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) the idea of power and life force are named qi or chi, pronouned / ˈchē / , which is associated with life, energy, breath, nutrition, and bodily fluids. The maintenance of individual health and energy comes through both original qi (from birth) and the creation of qi through nutrition and a balanced physical reality.  

Balancing Other Impulses

When thinking about an encounter, a relationship, an affair, etc., we are all aware that such interactions require a certain amount of energy. How much energy we have to assign to the adventure of meeting and greeting, courting and creating a relationship is directly related to our mental and physical health, as well as, the stability and balance of our lives.

This is all to say that each of us is unique and therefore has a personal and individual interest and energy level to devote to finding a partner for an encounter, friendship, romance or relationship.

As a result, our specific needs and individual energy levels must be acknowledged and considered with regard to both ourselves and our potential partners.

Being Balanced, Creating Potential

If you are feeling under the weather, unfit – physically or mentally, out of balance, your energy and focus on finding and developing an HHIA relationship can be a challenge.  Other factors which can affect our ability to establish ourselves as available and/or interested can be physical, psychological, or social. For instance hygiene, nutrition, sleep exercise, stress and economic situations:

  • Hygiene is important so that we can look and feel our best – fresh and healthy. A lack of hygiene, showering, brushing our teeth, cleaning our skin and hair can encourage socially undesirable results. These include, odor, acne, fungus, sores and sensitive gums and teeth among other things.
  • Nutrition is important for maintaining our energy levels, our bodily-fitness and general wellbeing.
  • Sleep is when, and how, we process and recover from the stress and experiences of the day. A good night’s sleep helps us to feel rejuvenated and alert.  Being alert helps us to focus on what we desire.
  • Exercise helps us to overcome physical, emotional and psychic stress. This includes keeping our physical system in shape and allowing energy for activity which encourages amorous interest.
  • Stress is a factor which is often uncontrollable. We can however manage it through sleep, nutrition, and exercise. What is important is not to push ourselves too hard in one direction or another. A little trust and patience can go a long way to reduce and manage stress.
  • Economics is an aspect of modern life and should be acknowledged. Economics can be negotiated and positively affect our interactions.

A Balancing Act

It can be helpful to regularly take a minute to contemplate the above and check out our relationship to those things, relationships and people in our lives that support our balance. And in reflection, those things, relationships and people which pull us off balance. They tend to be universal and unique at the same time. We are all continuously balancing the internal and external aspects of our lives and relationships. It is human nature. Maintaining a blancing act is essential to the art of existence.

That is all for now. If you have any questions, comments, or want more information you can contact me. I will be back next time for our next Blog-lesson on female and male stuff“. More about me

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy (Happy) Intimate Relationships 2

sean

Who & How

We are back with „Who Interests Who and How!“

Welcome to the second Blog-Lesson for HHIA (healthy, happy, intimate adult) relationships. I am Sean and after our first blog-Lesson and the discussion of the importance of definitions and parameters for an HHIA relationship, we can explore who might be a prospective partner for you.

A Good Start

A good place to start this discussion is to explore our attractions and how they inform our heads, hearts and bodies when we interact with others.   For instance, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his associates developed a way of measuring who we are attracted to on four different levels. This process included extensive in person invterviews which adress several aspect of adult experiences, feelings and thoughts. Because, These aspects include emotional attachment, intellectual attraction, physical experience and personal fantasies.

Dr. Kinsey’s initial work and research which included over 8,000 interviews happened in the 1940’s in the United States and were published in 1948 (Male) and 1953 (Female) respectively:

Original Editions

This body of work and theory is one of the most renowned standards for intimate attraction and behavior. As a result, it is a product of its time with regard to definition and use of gender as a binary concept.  Today gender is widely regarded and understood as a continuum. With that in mind, the continuum of human attraction is well documented and discussed in the works metioned above.  Essentially, Dr. Kinsey and Associates developed a seven-point scale with four variables to describe how one individual is attracted to another individual. The rating was established on a point system from Zero to 6. Zero representing the the same gender exclusively and six representing the opposite gender exclusively. Number one, two three, four , and five represent a continuum which includes „both“ genders to varying degrees (See Below).

Ask Yourself

The four levels or variables of attaction can be adressed by the following questions:

  1. Who are you most comfortable with (atracted to) intellectually? 
  2. Who are you most comfortable with (attracted to) emotionally?
  3. WIth whom have you been physically intimate?
  4. What do you fantasize about?

And the answers are only people of my own gender 0, both genders in varying degrees 1-5, or people of the opposite gender 6 alone. Variations from one to five (1, 2,3, 4, and 5) offer the opportunity to express feelings of comfort, attraction and experience which include members of both genders.  You can ask yourself the same questions using the table below:

Q0
Only     Same		1
Mostly Same		2
More Same		3
Equal Both		4
More Opposite		5
Mostly Opposite		6
Only Opposite
1       
2       
3       
4       
Kinsey-esque Scale

Once you have filled in your answers to question one through four, you can then add the answers to all four questons together and divide the sum by four. The result is a wholistic attraction concept, your “Kinsey-esque Score”.

Statistically

Statistically, Dr. Kinsey found that most people’s scores land somewhere between 1 and 5 with the 0s and 6s representing less than 10% of the population repectively, resulting in a what we call in statistics a Bell Curve:

Example Bell Curve

You Are In Good Company

We are all part of the continuum. We are one people; Humaninty.

That is all for now. If you have any questions, comments, or want more information you can contact me. I will be back next for our next Blog-lesson on potential and potency. More about me

(For more concrete suggestions, contact me at kontakt@praxis-wiebersch.de .)

Additiona Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58–59–60

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 1

sean

Blog- Lesson 1: Definitions and Parameters

Getting Started

Photo from scorpio

My name is Sean and this is my one-year (once a week) „BLOG-Lesson“, instructions on how to find, build, maintain, repair, and/or improve your relationship with yourself and others including but not limited to: a lover, lovers, a partner, partners or a spouse.

Who am I?  

What is a healthy, happy, intimate, adult (HHIA) relationship? This is a very good question. The answer for each of us is an individual one. For the purpose of this series of Blog-Lessons I have created a universal definition. A HHIA relationship is a relationship between 2 or more adults which includes intimate connections and behavior and promotes being happy and healthy.

Parameters and definitions can be helpful as a starting point and building blocks. An example is Love. Love is both a noun and a verb used to describe “(1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties…”, “(2) …affection and tenderness felt by lovers…”  and “…2 a:  to feel a lover’s passion, devotion, or tenderness for…”.

Healthy

Healthy is an adjective meaning “…beneficial to one’s physical, mental or emotional state: conducive to or associated with good health or reduced risk of disease…“ among other things.

The complete definitions can be found at Merriam-Webster.com.

A list of definitions can be found at definitions page. Which will be added to with each Blog-Lesson.

Parameters are another essential part of our building healthy and happy relationships. These include boundaries, communication and consent.  

Establishing who can be included in healthy intimate adult relationships, is a step in the right direction towards feelings of affection which are beneficial to our good health. The healthy answer is simple. Adult Human Beings of sound mind and body can enter into adult intimate relationships.

Age of Consent

An adult is defined by Age of Consent Laws. In Europe the Age of Consent is between 14 and 18. This varies from country to country and can vary according to gender and relationship: More details can be found at ageofconsent.net.

Excluded from healthy adult intimate relationships are animals, children and non-living bodies (corpses). These three cannot consent to adult intimate behavior and are therefore exempt from healthy adult intimate relations.

Sound Mind & Body

Another aspect is a sound mind and body. For this Blog-Lesson series, a sound mind and body means awake, alert, aware, able to understand and communicate with the adult environment in which we live. Legally this is a determination by individual laws with regard to a variety of activities.

Within the parameters of who is eligible for a healthy, happy, intimate adult (HHIA) relationship; we all are as long as we are above the age of consent, awake, aware ( of sound mind & body“) and breathing. ?

If you have any questions, comments or thoughts, please contact me!

That is all for now. I will be back next time for our next Blog-Lesson in attraction and attention.

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

HHIA Definitions:

sean

Our Blog-Lessons

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34– 35–36–37–38 –39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46–47–48–49–50– 51– 52–53 –54– 55–56 –57–58

Healthy (Happy) Human Relationship definitions are primarily paraphrased from the Marion-Webster Dictionary online.

Age of Consent: the age when one is legally competent to consent to marriage and sexual intercourse 

Agemate: someone of the same age; from Lovemaps.

Air: one of the four elements, representing intellect and communication

Authentic: true to your personality, spirit, and character

Binary: made of two parts or things; a number system based on zero and one; dividion into two things which are considered opposites

Caring (2): having a liking, or fondness; feeling trouble or anxiety; having an inclination; feeling interest or concern

Carnal: relating to bodily appetites and pleasures

Chromosome: a rod/thread like part of the DNA

Consent: verb and noun; verb to give approval, to agree; noun agreeing as an action or statement

Continuum : a whole which is expressed as a collection, sequence or progression

Cursor: a visual cue (like a blinking vertical line) on a digital display that show position and asks for input

DNA: any variety of nucleic acids, which are the basis for hereditry

Earth: one of the four elements, representing the phisical and material aspect of beingness.

The Elements: a system of representation in western society which includes: earth, water, air and fire.

Equal: to be like in status, nature, or quality, for each member of a couple, group, or society

Estradiol: a natural estrogenic hormone; it is a phenolic alcohol C18H24O2 and is secreted the ovaries

Expression: the act or process and instance of representation

Female: a female person; a person who identifies as female; a woman or a girl; often an idiviual that is capable of producing eggs; a plant with only pistils or pistilate flowers

Femininity: the quality and degree of being womanly/ „female like“ according to your surroundings

Fetish: here – slang or common adjective to describe intimate activities which are outside of standard social intimate activities, including but not limited to: bondage, S/M, role play, etc. For more information or details: contact me

Fetishism: here: the eroticizing of an aspect or single quality of a person to a sexual fetish

Fire: one of the four elements, representing passion, creativity and energy

Flank: the fleshy parts of the body between the ribs and the hips

4 Real: serious and/or legitimate

Gender: behavioral, psychological and cultural features that are associated with being either female or male.

Habit: an acquired behavior which has become involuntary

Happy: to enjoy or being well and content

Healthy: an adjective meaning “…beneficial to one’s physical, mental or emotional state: conducive to or associated with good health or reduced risk of disease…”

HHIA Relationship: a relationship between 2 or more adults which includes intimate connections and behavior and promotes being happy and healthy intimate, adult

Human sexual rehearsal: erectile, erotic and sensual behaior that occurs pre-sexual understanding in infants and children – term form LOVEMAPS by John Money.

Human: citizens of planet earth; current evolutionary status of homo-sapiens; person

In Vitro: outside a living body or plant

In Vivo: inside a living body or plant

Intimate: very personal,  private, very close contact and familiarity; 

Kink: in this context – unconventional sexual interests, desires or behavior

Love: both a noun and a verb used to describe “(1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties…”, “(2) …affection and tenderness felt by lovers…”  and “…2 a:  to feel a lover’s passion, devotion, or tenderness for…”. *

Lover: a sexual and/or romantic partner 

Lucid: awake, aware, able to make decisions; having full use of your faculties

Masculininity: the quality and degree of being manly/ „male like“ according to your surroundings

Male: a male person; a person who identifies as male; a man or a boy; often an idiviual that is capable of fertilizing the eggs of a female, a plant with stamens and no pistils

Material Plane: a physical level of consciousness, development or existence; the physical world we live in

Nail Varnish: british – an opaque or clear liquid used to decorate fingernails and toenails; American – nail polish

Objective: an adjective – situation or condition without distortion by interpretations or prejudices

Objectification: the act of treating someone as an object

Obsession: here: persistent preoccupation with an unreasonable feeling or idea

One night stand: a sexual encounter limited to once (one-night), most often with a stranger or someone you have just met.

Partner: a person one in intimate relationship, one half of a couple

Pliable: able to bend freely and/or repeatedly without breaking

Potent: having force or influence; able to copulate

Potency: capacity to achive a result

Potential: existing in possibility; able to develop

Progesterone: a female steroid sex hormone C21H30O2

Relationship: a connection binding participants, a romantic or loving attachment.

REM: Rapid Eye Movement – Sleep pattern associated with dreaming

Ritual: 2a: ritual observance; b: a ceremonial act/action c : an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a mindful manner; 1: established form – ceremony specifically: the order of words and actions established for religious ceremony

Romance: a love affair – Check out the other definitions as well!

Safety: being safe from experiencing or causing harm, hurt, injury, or loss

Similitude: a counterpart, correspondence in kind, type or quality; a point of comparison, perpective

Sound mind and body: a healthy mind and body; unimpaired thought and understanding for oneself and one’s actions; intellectually and physically competent

Spouse: married partner of any gender

Taboo: here: a ban due to social customs, morals, values or as a protective system

Titilation: excite pleasurably, be fun

Testosterone: a hormone that is a hydroxy steroid ketone C19H28O2 produced especially by the testes

Torture: to cause suffering; to torment

Turn-on: slang for things you find attractive

Turn-off: slang for things you find unattractive

Unfettered: free from constraint, control or restrictions

Vulval vasalcongestion: Girls/women experience a correlate reaction of an erection in boys/men. The vaginal walls fill with blood (increased vascular blood flow) and result in swelling and secretion, a wetness.

Water: one of the four elements, representing emotions, feelings and the heart

Your last word: not a word but a signal. Some intimate situations limit the use of words. In this instance signals are agreed upon before the situation begins, to confirm comfort, safety, & consent.

For more information contact me or read more about me.