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Intimate Space

In the Zone

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me.
W. H. Auden

TOUCH (2)

And here we are again. This is Sean and we are going to continue our exploration of touching exercises to enhance and support our intimate experiences and desires.

Last time we played with announcing our desires to touch and caressing our hands and feet.

Again, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

5 minutes of intimacy

This is a simple silent exercise. We can share a physical intimacy with a partner or ourselves with minimal preparation and scheduling. In just 5 minutes we can find a safe space, warmth and physical intimacy. Simply put, we can schedule a 5 minute window and be: together with ourselves and with our partners.

With a partner the physical component can include:

Holding hands
Playing footsie
Hugging
Leaning on each other
Sitting back to back
Shoulder to shoulder
Spooning …

Most important is that we enjoy the silence; together.

If 5 minutes seems daunting, start with 1 minute and increase the number of minutes over time. What is important is the intention and commitment to the process and not the time itself. In other words, counting the seconds and “watching the clock” to ensure that we make it to 5 minutes minimizes the intimate effect of the experience.

Photo by Javier Sanchez Mingorance on Scopio

Back to Back

Another aspect of intimacy is trust. Blind trust is something that most of us find challenging. This exercise can help us to build trust and intimacy without having to actively express anything, except being. This is primarily a partnered exercise.

We can sit on the floor, on cushions, a sofa or a bed.
Sitting facing opposite direction a way from each other.
Scooting backwards until our backs are touching.
Pushing together until we are together comfortably, back to back.
From here we just take the time we have planned to be together and enjoy our togetherness.
That’s it.
Spending time being in the same space and experiencing the physicality of our partners existence.

We can sit with our eyes open or closed. If we want, we can read something or listen to soft music. The intention is to be together without expressing or experiencing expectations. This allows us to enjoy the company, free from a need to perform.

If practicing this exercise solo, I would suggest pressing my back against a wall from head to bum. Try breathing in and out with my eyes closed and experiencing the pressure and pleasure of the full back sensation and variation of tactile experiences while beathing, flexing and relacing my head, neck, shoulders, hips and bum.

Being There; Being Here

The fact is that people are good. Give people affection and security, and they will give affection and be secure in their feelings and their behavior.
Abraham Maslow

There are a thousand ways for us to express and experience our own and our partner’s touch. What is most important is to find the ways which work for us and enhance and support these experiences with intention, awareness, and communication over time.

Try to remember that announcing our intention and discussing our desires is always a positive experience for a relationship. This is true whether our desires and intentions are welcomed in the moment or not. Ultimately, the creation of a communicative and safe affectionate environment for ourselves and our partners is priceless. All the activities described can be utilized at any time anywhere where we feel safe and supported by our partners. In other words, we can hold hands on a stroll, lean on each other in the bus, play footsie under the table in a restaurant and so on. So take a chance and try touching each other.

This is Sean. Try expressing your intentions and desires with yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46 47–48

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 48

Mai 16, 2021Mai 16, 2021 sean

Intimate Space

Get in Touch (1)

We are back! This is Sean. And we are here to talk about our bodies and how we learn to share our physicality and play with our senses.

We learn and have been tought that we have essentially five physical senses:

Sight
Hearing
Smell
Taste
Touch

Simply put, our sense of touch is the one which we have the greatest potential to control and calibrate. We can manipulate touch to fulfil our desires and wishes. And, through choice, consent and control we can determine where, when and how we experience touch from ourselves and others.

Together with me, myself, and I ….. maybe with you too

In other words, we are able to experiment, play and learn to touch our partners and ourselves to enhance and support both pleasure and intimacy.

We are going to toy with a variety of playful exercises to discover how we experience and interpret touch both for ourselves and our partners. Essentially, all of the exercises can be experienced with a partner and/or solo.

“Touch has a memory.”
John Keats

Consent & Caress

Individual execution of these following exercises implies consent. We are, in most if not all cases, individually aware and able to give ourselves our consent.

Paar and group exercises should include a brief description of the exercise and a verbal and or visual explicit expression of consent.

Verbal Touch

Announcing our intentions and desires with a request for consent can help us to create an environment where consent becomes the basis of our phyiscial communication with each other. This practice can include statements like:

I would love to kiss you right now.
I want to hug you.
May I hold your hand.
I wish to kiss your neck.
I am thinking about pecking your cheek.
May I pat your bum….

All of these statements should be followed with a pause until your partner responds with a Yes/No response to your request.

Positive / Negative =

Positive Responses

Come on.
Go for it.
Sure.
I would like that.
Yes, please—

Negative Responses

Please wait till later.
Give me 5 minutes.
Maybe later.
I’m not available for that (right now).
Could you ask again – later/ in 5 minutes/ in an hour.

These exchanges quickly establish a safe and respectful intimacy between partners that can carry over to the rest of the relationship. This creates a relationship where both acceptance and rejection of impulses and requests become emotionally neutral and are perceived as equally viable and sensible in our intimate and physical exchanges.

Fingers & Toes

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.
Charles Dickens

To start, we can consider our hands and fingers as being both extremely sensitive and practically accessible for practicing touching caressing and feeling our own and our partners touch. This touch can be handled with a variety of pressure, speed, area and volume. Our hands include: fingers, palms, wrists, fingernails and the backs. All of these can be used to share and exchange touch and physical intimacy.

This exercise begins:

With a brief description hand holding and touching and the determination of a “Safe Word” which is said to immediately pause/stop the exercise.
One partner chooses to be giving and the other receiving.
The receiving partner sits with their eyes closed and their hands in their lap or on a table.
The giving partner touches their partners hands beginning lightly, slowly with their fingers exploring the back, palm, fingers, and so on….
After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc.
This movement advances to include the use of the entire surface of the active hands to caress the passive hands involving more pressure, surface varying the speed of movement…
After a few moments the giving partner can verbally ask how the receiving partner is feeling, if they are comfortable, if they like the feeling, etc.
This exploration can continue to include tightly holding, patting, slapping, scratching or massaging the receiving partner’s hands.
All of these variation should include verbal confirmation of comfort, sensation, interest and attention.

Variations:

Steps 1 – 9 can immediately be repeated with partners changing roles.
1 through 9 can be repeated with partners changing roles at another time.
Steps 1 through 9 can be repeated touching with the giving partner touching the receiving partner’s feet & toes, rather than their hands.

Nothing is so healing as the human touch.
Bobby Fischer

Awareness is Key

Being aware of our partner’s reaction and responses to our touch can help to inspire greater understanding and intimacy among us.

This exercise can be just as inspiring and informative when performed solo. This would involve choosing a giving and a receiving hand, closing our eyes and allowing the exploration to begin. ?

That is all for now! We will have more touching exercises next time.

This is Sean. Try touching yourself with awareness (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46 47

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 47

Mai 9, 2021Juli 11, 2021 sean

Intimate Space

The human body is the best picture of the human soul.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

In the Zone

This is Sean and we are back! Lets go a step further into our relationships and experience. We have been reviewing our feelings and creating a space where our relationships can thrive and flourish. Simply put we have been cultivating fertile ground to allow our relationships to blossom and succeed.

Let’s get physical

Once we have established an emotional connection between ourselves and the other/s, we can begin to establish a physical intimacy. Ultimately, we are able to begin to explore a new depth of intimacy.

On the one hand we have created a connection which encourages us to pursue and explore our bodies together. On the other hand, our bodies are simultaneously bursting with bundles of nerves and receiving input from a variety of both experiencial and historical sources. This is happening all at once on different planes of both sensory and memory responses.

Our bodies are our connection to the physical plan and allow us to experience and interpret impulses such as:

Light
Color
Sound
Scent
Taste
Touch
Heat
Cold
Moisture

All of these things play into our interpretation of the experiences we are having. Both internal and external experiences which are then interpreted as pleasure & comfort or discomfort & pain.

Pleasure Pain Principle

Thus, it is our goal and intent to expand and encounter our partner physical reality to increase our understanding of our tangible and touchable responses to bodily input and experience.

We can do this by:

announcing our intentions
discussing our desires
experimenting
asking questions
sharing consent
giving responses
checking in
assessing the situation
being aware
confirming experiences
discussing discomfort
expressing excitement
….

Strictly speaking, our desire to touch and physically experience our partners and to share ourselves comes with a bit of history, experience, inexperience with new partners, and memories which color our interpretation of our physical reality and interactions.

Actually, this is true for you, for me, for our partners ourselves and the others.

The human body is the best picture of the human soul.
Wilhelm von Humboldt

Talking about our experiences, our history, our bodies and our senses can help us to better understand and support one another in our bodily encounters. And, at the same time we can encourage each other to relish and inspire these intimate encounters to transpire.

Sense & Sensible

All of our senses participate in these encounters and we will consider our senses, their influence and our interactions next time.

Hearing is a form of touch. I could hear less through the ears but more through the body.
Evelyn Glennie

This is Sean. Try letting yourself enjoy your body (and those bodies which are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20–21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45–46

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 46

Mai 2, 2021Mai 2, 2021 sean

Balance

In Between

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
Albert Einstein

Sean here again! I am back. In the last few Lesson-Blogs we have been exploring some of the ways we connect and encourage intimacy and our HHIA Relationships, including rituals, romance and excitement.

Meeting in the Middle

Once we have established first contact and followed through with first dates, building a bit of devotion and intimacy, it is important for us to meet our partners in the middle. In other words, and getting together and finding a partner is about finding someone with who we can meet in the middle and find balance with.

On the one hand we want to be ourselves and be supported and appreciated. On the other hand, we want our partners to feel safe and encouraged to be themselves and feel supported and appreciated.

„Next to love, balance is the most important thing.“
John Wooden

Meet me in the middle

Where do we find balance? Ultimately, we create balance with every choice we make as a both as individuals and as couples:

Mine or Yours
Going out
Staying in
Being together
Being apart
Listening
Speaking
Bed time
Entertainment
Food
Drink
Affection
Cleaning
Cooking
Music
Intimacy
… Among others

Photo by Rudorwashe Tariro Dziva on Scopio

To begin with, we want to create expectations which both we and our partners can meet. Simply, we want to express our interests and desires to each other. Keeping our expectations and ideals grounded in reality and communication. Again, honesty and candor around our wishes and desires can help us to find the right mix as a couple.

No compromise

Actually, this is about a give and take, experimentation, taking risk and finding rewards with each other. This interaction and exploration encourages us to be even closer and find solutions that work for us. Strictly speaking, cooperation rather than compromise sets the course for balance in a HHIA Relationship.

The truth is balance. However the opposite of truth, which is unbalance, may not be a lie.
Susan Sontag

Love Work Balance

Finding a balance is about finding where we are and figuring out where we want to be. When we are feeling out of balance in our relationships, it is important to consider both “where we are” in relation to our partners at the moment and “How did we get here?”. Specifically, we want to consider our choices, actions and reactions that have brought us to this imbalance.

Seesaw effect

Equilibrium and stability are in constant flux and interaction. Especially as we interact with each other, our responsibilities, our plans, society and the rest of the world. Conversely, the more we try to square, even out, equalize and settle the chaos we often lose sight of the natural ebb and flow of our relationships. This can also be true in our lives in general.

It’s all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.
Andrew Bernstein

This is Sean. Try allowing yourself (and those who are important to you) to go with the ebb and flow of your relationships this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42–43–44–45

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 45

April 25, 2021Mai 2, 2021 sean

In Between

Exciting & New

We are back! This is Sean. And we are going to revel in the excitement, eagerness and enthusiasm in our HHIA relationships.

Lets get excited!

From first contact to our last breath, our HHIA relationships can be full of stimulation and excitement. In fact, this is true for most if not all of our intimate relationships.

Opposites Attract

Like magnetes we are attracted to those who are different from ourselves. Actually, this is essentially always true, because no matter how similar we are to our partners, we are in relationship with another being. Others catch our eye, whether in pictures or in person, through a look, a gesture, or, perhaps, an attitude. And, we do the same to others.

Sparks Fly

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.”
Gloria Steinem

Initially the attraction can feel like electricity or butterflies and as we get closer the feeling of attraction and bond tend to grow. As we learn and experience more and more about our partners, we begin to appreciate and look forward to even more. This is the natural progressive cycle of anticipation & interest and fulfillment & pleasure. Simultaneously, this cycle can occur in the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of our relationships and experience.

Magnetic Personality

As our bonds become stronger and our knowledge and understanding of one another increases, we are able to express and experience even greater levels of pleasure and delight through our relationship. In other words, like a transistor which starts with a spark, warms up and increases through the development of an electronic field, our relationships often start with a spark, warm up and increase through a give and take and the development of an intellectual, emotional, physical and even a spiritual environment which encourages all partners to enjoy themselves and each other.

Partner Delight

Ultimately, this environment and situation transforms into our lives and our HHIA relationships become a central aspect. Unfortunately, the initial spark and newness of our experiences can fall prey to our daily lives, routines, practices habits, and schedules. These tend to separate, lower our energy, attractions and connections to our both our partners and ourselves. Through ritual, romance and humor we can avoid this and encourage each other to pursue greater enthusiasm and elation.

A few examples which can be enjoyed together include:

Making time just to be together
Sharing an activity or hobby regularly
Going for a walk
Enjoying a meal
Having a conversation about something that interests you
Listening to music
Reading the same book
In non-pandemic times:
Dancing
Exploring new places/spaces
Traveling
Going out (to dinner or on the town)
…

Scheduled Spontaneity

“Never marry a person who is not a friend of your excitement.”
Nathaniel Branden, The Psychology of Romantic Love

Making plans and scheduling time for each other encourages us to think about and look forward to being together. On the one hand, we have reserved time to be together. On the other hand, we are creating a space where we can enjoy our company and companionship. This is much more thrilling than going through our days and passing one another on our way to work, doing errands, etc.

Essentially, making the effort and expressing interest and an eagerness to enjoy our partner’s company encourages them to do and feel similarly. Exploring and recognizing how our dates, partners, and spouses respond to our ideas, suggestions and plans can elevate our ability to find where, when and how we can best enjoy each other. This is also true of our physical expressions of affection and attractions. Meeting our partners needs and desires while expressing our own needs and desires with openness and attention can greatly increase our potential for everyone’s pleasure.

That never stops. That’s what drives you: the joy and excitement of doing what you love.
Jerry Lewis

This is Sean. Try enjoying yourself (and those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38 –39–40–41–42–43–44

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 44

April 18, 2021April 25, 2021 sean

Relationships & The In Between

A laughing matter

Live. Love. Laugh. – Not necessarily in that order. Sean here again. We are back to the business of building, maintaining and/or repairing our HHIA Relationships.

Rituals were on the menu last time. And now, we are up for a good time and creating an environment where we feel like laughing, smiling or maybe just smirking.

Laugh Love Life

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.”
Charlie Chaplin

Just for the record, laughter is love-ly in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, smiles are sensational and even a smirk is something special. In other words, smiles and laughter are universal, collective and best when collaborative.

Smiling not only affects our face. Truth be told, when we smile, the muscles we use to smile affect the chemistry in our brains (it takes at least 30 seconds). Smiling makes us happier. At the same time, smiles make us more attractive and approachable.

Jahahaha

And, where does laughter come from? Babies laugh and coo right from the start. Although, some experts suggest this is just a bit of gas, new researchers suggest humor starts to form far earlier than most theories of humor currently admit. The body is „laughing“ on it’s own. So, perhaps, laughter springs from existence and being alive. As we grow up, we learn more about humor, comedy, wit, sarcasm, farce and hilarity to the point of absurdity. This can all be learnt and discovered both, directly and indirectly.

Where exactly do we find humor and laughs?

Jokes
Jests
Puns
Wordplay
Wit
Commentary
Parody
Spoofs
Mimes
Comics
Satirists
Stories

Books
Sounds
Images
Art
Music
Movies
Slapstick
Pets
Each Other
Our Bodies
Our Thoughts
Just About Everywhere

Funny Bunny

On the one hand we hear puns, jokes, anecdotes and funny tales of adventure. Think of Bugs Bunny, Daffy, or perhaps, the Coyote. We are all able to find and create the fun and the funny when we allow our imaginations and ideas to run wild, wierd, off-the-wall and wily. On the other hand, we can experience humor all around us when we acknowledge it. As with rituals, intent and awareness are essential to a good sense of, let’s say, humor.

„If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.“
Marilyn Monroe

Oh, Ho Ho

Actually, laughing is a great stress reliever and used in therapeutic settings to encourage the immune system and reduce tension. Actually, smiling also has quite a few positive personal benifits as well. In our HHIA Relationships the same results can be seen .

Lightening the mood and letting us relax, laughter and humor can be really effective for establishing a bond. This bond establishes our similitude. Ultimately, being on par with one another encourages us to share and advances our feelings of intimacy and trust. In other words, being in on the joke or sharing a funny thought with our significant others allows them to feel closer to us and share more of themselves as well.

Har Har Har

Ultimately, we want to be sure that our partners, friends and lovers understand that they are in on it! We are all laughing together with each other; not at each other. This is an essential aspect of bonding and creating safe spaces for all of us to open up and share the lust and love for each other and ourselves in a fun, intimate, and even sometimes silly space!

This is Sean. Try laughing at yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38 –39–40–41–42–43

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 43

April 11, 2021April 11, 2021 sean

In Between

Ritual Romance

Sean here! And after our jaunt into relationship rituals last time, we are back. As I suggested, we are going to look at romance, romantic rituals and ritual romance in our HHIA Relationships and our lives in general.

To start, romance, love relationships and rituals are all separate and can be combined in a million different ways. Each of our HHIA relationships have a unique blend of these four elements. Every relationship is unique and our combination of relationship, romance, ritual and love are one of a kind.

Definitions

For reference, let’s consider the definition of romance. According to Merriam-Webster romance is “a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural”. And just for the record, this is not a practical expectation in our relationships. A more realistic definition might be „a love affair“.

Romance

Each of us has a different and unique relationship to romance. And let’s be clear, romance, although often confused with love, is not love. In real life true romance is not an escape but rather supports our lives, our truths and our relationships.

Specifically, “Hollywood Romance”, “Romance Novels” and most of what our society sells as “ROMANCE” is at best a supernatural fantasy no one can live up to. At worst “ROMANCE” is a medieval legend that makes us feel less than; less than our peers, partners and friends.

Romantic Notions

Secondly, butterflies, rainbows, and seing stars are great when they are great and even more so when they are mutual. Otherwise, they can distract us from the truth that we are creating trust and intimacy with another adult human being.

In other words, the things that turn my head, put a smile on my lips and a skip in my step may not be the same as my partner or you. I would suggest that the most romantic thing we can do is to meet our partners where they are and engage them as they need and want to be engaged. Listening and responding to their needs and desires is the most considerate and threfore romantic gesture we can offer. Always try to keep your partners in mind.

“Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are a bourbon biscuit.”
Frida Kahlo

Romance4Real

On the one hand, our intentions and expectations are built on our experiences, understanding and awareness. On the other, our partners intentions and expectations are built on their experiences, understanding and awareness. Finding the in between is where we can build intimacy and even promote our own unique romance when we desire it and recognize it for what it is.

Romantic Rituals

Romance in the day to day includes making coffee and/or drinking the coffee that is made. Any number of chores, tasks or jobs that support our partners as well as recognizing their efforts to do the same. These are the true romantic gestures in our daily lives.

Daily romantic rituals can include:

Notes
Texts
Emojis
“I love you” s
Making coffee
Quick calls
Snuggling on the sofa
Cooking
Kisses
Hand holding
Doing a little dance
Sitting together for a minute or two

All the many things that make you feel closer to each other.

“We loved with a love that was more than love.”
Edgar Allen Poe

Real Life Romance

Ultimately, our individual HHIA Relationships can be infused with romantic rituals from anniversaries to date nights and coffee in bed to foot massage Friday. It is up to you to determine together which rituals are best for you and your partners.

The variety can include:

Going to dinner
Cooking dinner
Reading to one another
Reading in silence together
Brunching together
Time together
Time apart
Going for a drive together
Working out together
Shopping together
Buying flowers
Sitting together
Holding hands
Doing the laundry together

An important aspect of romantic rituals is that all parties involved understand and acknowledge the intimacy & trust building happening. This, intention and awareness, helps us to avoid habits and patterns that reduce our feelings of togetherness and intimacy.

We all deserve to be met where we are by someone who recognizes and accepts us as we are. This is real romance.

This is Sean. Try being aware of your romantic intentions for yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens

.(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41–42

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 42

April 4, 2021April 4, 2021 sean

In Between

Relationship Rituals

This is Sean here and we are discovering how we create, maintan and support our HHIA relationships. We have looked at creating space with time and trust. This time we are going to deal with the simple and sublime ritual.

Time and Trust

I believe in rituals.
Charles Simonyi

Rituals are a significant part of our lives. They allow us to focus and enhance our intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual states. Depending on the ritual and the intent we are able to grow and maintain connections, talents, skills and knowledge. In other words rituals are a vital and integral part of our lives.

Daily, Weekly, Monthly

Our rituals range from daily to weekly, monthly and annually as well as once in a life time events. One the one hand rituals are part of our daily lives offer us structure and strength in a moment. On the other hand, rituals provide focus and systems to support us.

Rituals can be enjoyed both together or individually and can range from:

Snoozing
Making Coffee
Serving Tea
Breakfast / Brunch
Prayer
Yoga
Cooking
Locking the Door
Taking a Walk
Driving
Getting Together
Cleaning
Going online
Dancing
Dating
Baptisms
Birthdays
Weddings
Holidays

Just About Everything

Most of the things that we do can be ritualized and made more significant and sacred through our awareness and intention. When we make a date for example. We can intentionally choose a location that is special for us or for our date. We can be aware of the time and weather. Ideally, our choices and preparation help us to emotionally connect with the experience, our partners and ourselves in the moment.

Intent and Awareness

Through rituals we can find greater understanding of our selves and our partners. Rituals are also an opportunity to express our intellectual interest and emotional enthusiasm with regard to our HHIA relationships.

These can range from:

Initial Introductions/Meeting
First Dates
Dating
Partnerships
Marriages
Intimate Friendships
All Happy Healthy Intimate Adult Relationships
…

Initially, rituals can help us to focus our energies and intentions to a single goal or relationship. Over time, rituals help us to remain in sync and aware of our purpose and intentions within ourselves and our relationships. Ultimately, rituals help us to enhance and support our awareness and intentions through our days and lives.

Rituals are important. Nowadays it’s hip not to be married. I’m not interested in being hip.
John Lennon

Enthusiasm & Interest

This awareness and intention can support our enthusiasm and interest in our lives. We can also be rescued or liberated from habits, routine, addiction, and even boredom through ritual.

These rituals can also include incorporating romance into our lives and loves. We will consider romance in relationship next time.

This is Sean. Try being aware of your intentions for yourself (and with those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40–41

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 41

März 28, 2021März 28, 2021 sean

Creating space: trust

Sean here, back and ready to explore more. We have looked at creating space for our relationships through time. Taking time and making time. We have gone though introductions, first dates, dating, in relationship and living under the same roof. All of these require awareness and time to create, maintain and enhance our HHIA relationships.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

On the one hand time is essential to our togetherness. On the other hand, we need more than just time to create intimacy. A sense of security and safe spaces need to be created, shared and enjoyed to develop intimacy in our relationships. And all of this is built on trust.

Trust yourself

Hence trust is one of the first building blocks and the foundation of all our relationships. In other words trust is one of the most essential aspects of happy and healthy relationships as well as a significant aspect of intimacy and well-being.

It is important that we trust our ourselves and our partners and that our partners trust us. So, how do we make this happen? We start with:

Paying attention
Being there
Saying what we do
Doing what we say
Taking time
Asking questions
Making time
Telling the truth
Trusting ourselves
Bargaining
Making eye contact
Opening up
Answering questions
Showing interest
Communicating
Meeting our partners where they are; emotionally, physically intellectually, spiritually

Initially, we create a connection. Then over time we strengthen this bond through give & take, trust, communication, and cooperation. Ultimately, we establish trust and security which allows us to feel free to be ourselves, pursue our goals and be the best we can be both individually and together.

Simply the Best

Ideally, both you and your partner/s support your best selves and can still grow together as your goals and plans consolidate into one. However, this is often a complex process we do simultaneously as we grow individually as well. This is where give & take and trust become vital. We sustain ourselves and our relationships with communication and cooperation.

Often, as humans, we experience less than ideal moments, decisions, situations and choices. In these moments we can loose sight of our relationship, our relationships goals and advantages. Simultaneously, we find ourselves feeling unsafe or unappreciated and underwhelmed or unsure.

In…. we trust

In a twinkling of an eye/blink of an eye we can lose the connection, security, and/or intimacy we share. We become you and me. You and I have the option to reestablish our togetherness or resign ourselves to this isolating moment.

In this instant we are tasked with a choice. The choice to trust or to doubt. Depending on our history the focus of this trust and/or doubt can be ourselves, our partner/s or relationship, our choices, our existence and so on. In a single moment and in a history of single moments we create memories and feelings that either support or hinder our trusting natures. In truth we are all experience dishonesty, loss and disappointment at different points in our lives. How we learn and grow through disappointment and loss has a great effect on our HHIA relationships.

Most importantly, communication is the key to positive expression and growth through negative events and experiences. Check out Blog-Lessons 25, 26, 37 and 38 to refresh. ?

Often that communication can be unspoken or silent: Experiment with 5-Minute Exercises in #39.

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The choice is yours

Choosing to trust is a dynamic and spirited choice which can offer more options and opportunity than doubt. This includes trust in:

Yourself
Partner/s
Friends
Family
Science
Love
Knowledge
Intuition
The Universe
Fate
Providence
The Moment

This is true in all the relationships we experience throught our lives.

This is Sean. Try trusting yourself (and to those who are important to you) this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39–40

Healthy Happy Intimate Adult Relationship, Uncategorized

Healthy Happy Intimate HHIA Relationships 40

März 21, 2021März 28, 2021 sean

In Between Each Other

Living Together (5)

Sean still here! And right now, we are going to take a look at moving in together and living under one roof. This is a direction many of our relationships take and is supported whole heartily by many of our societies, cultures and traditions, including marriages.

Simultaneously a wonder to explore and a challenge for ourselves and our partners/friends/spouses/families to embrace. In this moment we begin to share not only our lives but our communal space and time as well.

Under One Roof

In other words, our sharing becomes shared and our lives tend become a life while our intimacy expands into our daily lives and infuses our time and space with our partners. On the one hand, this can be very comforting. On the other hand, challenges to our patience and understanding are built in to the permanence and constant communal existence. We discover that we are together:

at home
in the living room
on the balcony
on the sofa
in the kitchen
at the stove
in the fridge
in bed
at dinner
at breakfast
in the middle of the night
in the bathroom
under the shower
in the mirror
everywhere
every day of the week.

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Crawford

Home… Hearth

This coexistence and cohabitation can simultaneously intensify our feelings and challenge our relationships. However, we find ourselves in an intensified reality with limited opportunity for privacy, solitude or retreat.

Hence, how do we maintain, enjoy and find joy in our relationships while sharing our lives, our space, our time and our privacy? In other words, what happens to our relationships when we cohabitate?

Notice the Pandemic…

And these questions have been intensified by over a year of social isolation and distancing. Most of us who have been living with our partners/spouses from the beginning of the current pandemic are still here and still surviving and thriving as best we can. As are our friends, lovers and families who live alone or with roommates! AND IT IS OK – to do the best we can. Speaking to each other, to a confidant and to ourselves, and Laughing out loud helps a lot: ?? Smiling does too!

Good News

Strategies, action and awareness can be employed at any time in our relationships to improve, refresh, expand, intensify and enhance our experiences with each other. One way to explore this is to take time for each other together. Check out the 5-Minute Exercises (Last Blog-Lesson)!! ?

Love is a decision…not an emotion
Lao Tzu

Only Good News

When we actively choose to be together and communicate with each other, every and any challenge can be met, addressed and overcome. Often with good humor, happy thoughts and warm fuzzy feelings.

A few daily options include:

Touching
Holding hands
Smiling at each other
Air kisses, light kisses, long kisses
Hugging with your eyes closed
Saying “I like you” – „I appreciate you“ – “I love you”
Hugging with your eyes open
Sharing flowers: real and digital
Sharing compliments
Saying „I am sorry“ – „I understand“ – „It’s my fault“ – I’ll try“
Talking to each other
Dancing together
Sitting in silence
Being together, on purpose

Communicating

Most important is to find and share the things we enjoy and like about each other and support and encourage those things. Most of the others are less significant and inconsequential when they are address, clarified and understood.

This is Sean. Try saying nice things to yourself (and to those who are important to you) every day this week and see what happens.

(You can always contact me for more concrete suggestions.)

Our earlier Blog-Lessons:

1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19 –20 –21–22–23–24–25–26–27–28–29–30–31–32–33–34–35–36–37–38–39